(no subject)
I want to say something but I don't know what, and I don't know how. Maybe I am just too scared to see what I am becoming, or maybe I would be too hasty in saying such things, and making such asumptions. Changes are deffinitely taking place right now though. I don't know what to do. I have stopped going to Calculus and Computer Science completely. I still get an A when we have a test, so should I go, or should I stay. I am scared of growing old. I don't want to be an alcoholic. I need a girl to stop me. And no this post isn't about a specific girl in anyway. I think that I am realizing that I need that balance in my life. I need someone to spend my money on, to get me out of the room. And to get me drunk from happiness. It's more pleasurable than alcohol. Why do I always want to be on top. I got a 100 on my first Computer Science test and was angry. Why, because 35 others did as well, and almost 100 had a 90+. I earned a 91 on my second test, and I was angry. Why? Because a few people surpassed me. I got a 98 on a Calc test a month or so ago. And I got angry. Why? I don't give a shit about a GPA, as long as I keep Hope I am happy, and loosing it hasn't crossed my mind. It makes me worried to know that everything has a limit. Infinity is deffined as "Undefined" in calculus. But infinity, as do all things, has a limit. It is limited by it's audiences willingness to calculate it. f(x)=x*2 as x approaches infinity, if I don't want to calculate further than x=5, then f(x)=10 as far as I am concerned. Bringing me back to my point that I have rambled to. I have a limit. I can not be the best, and I can not work my way to or past it. My brain is only so large, and there is only so much a cluster of synapses can do. Maybe that is why I want to go into artificial intelligence. By creating a robot that could think for itself, I would have a tangible extension of myself. And in essence I could increase my limits tenfold. Maybe someday I will understand what is going on. I just want my forumla's to mean something. I'm tired of solving square roots only to realize I have only recieved another number. I want to do something with my knowlege. I used to think I knew what was going on. I used to know where I was going. And thus I have chosen this piece from my portfolio of poetry that I like to call my own, though I feel so detached from it in an indescribable manner. It's flowing and peaceful confnusion is almost how I feel right now.
Used to
Hello and nice to meet you,
So long since I've seen you,
Not longer since I thought of you.
Days go by, talking more to you,
What am I thinking about?
None other than you!
Days go by, talking more of you,
What am I thinking about?
Why not you?
Days go by, silence has risen,
What am I thinking about?
How I used to think of you...
Wow, what I intended to be a small post of poetry has lead me to some interesting tangents. I think I should explore them further. Tangents are good for leading to a new circle. Afterall, if I don't follow a tangent everyonce and a while, I would end up right where I started.
Used to
Hello and nice to meet you,
So long since I've seen you,
Not longer since I thought of you.
Days go by, talking more to you,
What am I thinking about?
None other than you!
Days go by, talking more of you,
What am I thinking about?
Why not you?
Days go by, silence has risen,
What am I thinking about?
How I used to think of you...
Wow, what I intended to be a small post of poetry has lead me to some interesting tangents. I think I should explore them further. Tangents are good for leading to a new circle. Afterall, if I don't follow a tangent everyonce and a while, I would end up right where I started.