I feel like blah
Maybe i'm feeling down because of finals that i have the next two days and all the studying i'm going to have to do. But something tells me that some of the feelings i'm having aren't going to go away after wednesday is over with. I guess i kinda feel like i'm not needed anymore. I know that's a dramatic statement and maybe even concieted on my part to say and i know most people are leaving me alone until finals is gone, which is cool and i'm glad i'm not being bothered, but it's like that feeling has been lingering with me since last week. I have all these plans that i want to do this summer with my friends...i mean when i'm not working i hope to be spending the rest of my time with my friends. I'm also struggling with how things are going to be when i move away, i'm all excited in one respect cause i'll be living in a cool apartment and going to parties and meeting new people. But i wonder sometimes what its going to happen with the friends i left behind in houston. I mean when i come to visit is everyone going to be busy and not have a minute to spend with me?? That's my worst fear, i'll come home for like 2 or 3 days and no one will be able to see me. I've always thought about the worst that could happen and maybe i need to not think about that.
I'm at a point in my life, where for so long i took care of other people and was trying to be there for everyone else and it's like, everyone is fine now or has other things in there life and i'm not needed. I've always had this maternal side and it's hard to remember i'm not a mother and that i shouldn't always act like that. I'm trying so hard not to become rigid and uptight. I'm just ranting cause this is what this journal is for and i haven't written in it in a while and now i feel like i can go to bed and not think too much about stuff that's bothering me. i just gotta make it till 4 o'clock wednesday and hopefully things will be better without finals.
I'm at a point in my life, where for so long i took care of other people and was trying to be there for everyone else and it's like, everyone is fine now or has other things in there life and i'm not needed. I've always had this maternal side and it's hard to remember i'm not a mother and that i shouldn't always act like that. I'm trying so hard not to become rigid and uptight. I'm just ranting cause this is what this journal is for and i haven't written in it in a while and now i feel like i can go to bed and not think too much about stuff that's bothering me. i just gotta make it till 4 o'clock wednesday and hopefully things will be better without finals.