friendship
I will be done with classes at the end of the week. Soon it will all be over. On the one hand I can't wait. But on the other hand this terrifies me. Slowly over the past few days this weird feeling has been creeping over me. I look back on the past two years and the people I have met and I realize that I will probably never see these people again. It is strange. I certainly have people I would call me friends here; but I have really only met two people that I would call good friends that I will attempt to keep in touch with. The other people are great and all; but we just never hung out all that much. But somehow the idea of never seeing these people again makes me sad. I guess I am more sad that I didn't try to get out more an socialize with these people. I feel like I am just existing through life and not making any real connections anymore. I have good friends; but for the most part these people live far away. I haven't really made any new close friends in a few years. At my heart I am a shy person. It is hard for me to get to know people. And I am protective of myself. I don;t give a lot away about me. Very few people, even among my good friends, know a lot about me. I am very private. This privacy, though, means I don't connect with people all that often. Yes I can be friends with a lot of people; but I don't call that call connecting. And I think about the possibility of moving to a new city and starting all over. This worries me. Hell even staying in Cleveland present problems. My two closest people are moving away; and other friends will probably follow. I am not a bar person. I can't just go out by myself and hang out in a public place. I rely on my classes to provide me with friends. I guess I will meet people at work to be friends with. But there is no guarantee there. I don't know; I guess this is all just a sort of mid twenties crisis that we all face when we are starting out in the world.