The void is empty

[evilasukakitty]

Another day. I finally got some sleep, solid sleep, and didn't wake up from nightmares of Majik. I was so exhausted yesterday, and the swelling in my finger was enormous. it has gone down considerably today, but it's still a bit swollen. i think that the hardest part of today was having to throw away her litter box and her scratching post. my eyes welled up with tears because of it. the room feels so empty without her presence here. there is a void in me now, that was once filled with her, and now it's a hole in me that is dying. so many different reasons are running through my head as to why she did it, why she turned. but i do not have an answer as to why she did it. Shinji really has been the greatest while i'm going through this, very supportive and kind and considerate. And jaime you've been a great help too. I really appreciate you calling me today to check up on me and invite me to tomorrow night. She was not there to wake me, she was not there while I showered, she was not sitting in the window while i played knights of the old republic, she is not here, she is not there...and i miss that cat like no other (except my mom and brother in honolulu). The next time i do end up getting a cat, it will be a pure bred domesticated cat, and not one that I found on the street. I think that her parents were both ferrel cats and those ferrel genes got passed to her and the fact that she has been under so much stress...she might have just taken it out on the person who was agitating her the most (ie: shinji since they were previously playing with eachother before she attacked him). I don't know if i could have prevented what happened. or if i did something wrong in raising her. i do know that i love her very much and miss her, my daughter...my cat...

i didn't even go do my wrestling gig tonight, there was just no way i was able to put on a happy face and a performace for the crowd. hell i couldn't even think of an outfit! sheeesh...i'm a mess.