Really Really Home Sick
I'm so lonely out here. I know I have Brian and I love him and I would follow him anywhere, but its not the same. When he's gone I have no one to call to hang out with, I have no one to grab lunch with on a whim, or even scheduled. I didn't realize it would be this hard for me. Everyday Brian ask me how I'm doing, I know he's waiting for me to have a major meltdown and I know it will come at some point too. I'm trying to hold on and to be strong but I miss home. I miss being able to go down to Toledo on a day off to see my family and friends. I miss going for pedicures and horror movies with Kaile and Karaoke nights with Julia. I miss working at that Von Maur. The one out here is okay but the girls just aren't the same, they aren't my girls, and the commute is really getting to me. When rush hour traffic is bad it can take me an hour and a half to get to work. I've been trying to think of things to go do or clubs to join in order to meet people, but still I don't make friends easily, I'm too shy. I'm always worried about what will other people think of me. I wish I could get over that, life isn't one big high school where you have to worry about the popular people making fun of you if they don't like you because of how you look. I thought about looking for a dance class to take or a cooking class but with work its hard to join something that has a regularly scheduled time. I really need to look into the Alpha Gamma Delta Alumni circle out here, the junior circle meets too far away from me so now I'm worried if I join the regular Alumni circle if there will be any girls around my age. Everyone keeps on telling me how wonderful Chicago is, and yeah I'm sure its great but I'd rather still be living in Michigan close to everyone I love and care for. However, for some reason I guess God wants us out here. I know we won't ever be moving back there, Brian use to say well maybe after the economy rebounds out there they will transfer me back, but why would they transfer him from a territory that does five times better then the Michigan territory if not more. At the company christmas party they kept telling him Chicago will be great for him for the next five years, it seems like they have a plan for him. I just hope that that plan doesn't take us even farther away from home, I'm not sure if I could handle being all the way across the country when I'm struggling to handle being five hours away from home.