Words to Thoughts 14.07
Title: Words to Thoughts
Fandom: RPS
Story: Highway: Reconnected 14.07
Characters: Alan Davies and Robert Sean Leonard
Authors: michelleann68 + evila_elf = evila_ann
Prompt: None
Word Count: 1091
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Robert tries to find some perspective on the recent events.
Authors’ Notes: Feel free to friend us if you want to read a day ahead of the communities.
Where it all began:
Big table of prompts is here:
Order of the story is here:
Previous story:
Raise the Curtain
I have been in Portugal for four days now. It is so beautiful here, and the villa that we are staying at is breathtakingly gorgeous and impossibly huge. I would be happy living in just one room of this place and have been spending most my time, when not out sunning, in the living room, kitchen, and of course the bedroom.
Hugh called for me, demanding facts that I had forgotten to give him. He is beyond thrilled that I am back together with Alan and he made plans to tell Lisa right away. I felt bad for not telling him sooner, but Alan has been quite a distraction.
I have noticed a change come over Alan since we have been here. I can’t say I dislike it, but...it is almost smothering. He keeps dropping hints at how wonderful it is, spending all this time here, a place of our own. Every once and awhile, I catch him looking at me, wistfully. Between a man and a woman, such a look would mean that he would be thinking of ‘popping the question.’ And if he thought there would be any chance that I would say yes, I think he would try to get me to commit. I like--no love--where we are at right now in our relationship and I see no reason to push. Not now.
Why can’t Alan see that we are at a happy medium? I just don't want us to rock this fragile boat we are riding in. We both have our own lives. There is nothing wrong with taking our time knitting that life together, we do not need to jump right in. I want to get used to loving him, before I live with him. It is all overwhelming and engulfing. If it is right, then I would love to share my life with him, but...I just can’t. This is so hard to explain. It feels like we are both asking too much, and I don't think it diminishes what we have, it just defines it. We both need to work, and the likelihood of Alan working in the states is as likely as me working in London consistently. Hugh was lucky that he crossed over to the US market, but he did it as an 'American.' I can’t ask Alan to sacrifice London for me and I can’t give up my work and home in the states.
I thought Alan was going to bring it up today, when we had a long talk up on top of the hill, but my reticence most likely caused him to back off a little and that is my fault. We need to talk about the future sometime, but I am happy to spend a few months of the year together. It is in some ways like seeing someone new, but there is a sense of comfort in that as well. Almost like being in a new show four times a year. I look forward to it, so much. I worry that if we make this a permanent arrangement that the magic will wear off, and I don't want that.
I am a mess, I know that. There should be nothing preventing me from grabbing Alan and holding on forever, but even writing it makes my heart seize up a little and a panic rises up in me. Watching so many of my friends dive headlong into marriage, only to watch it melt away, leaving them broken, is just something I don't want to go through. I love Alan, but part of me still expects him to hurt me deeply, even though it seems like I do nothing but hurt him.
It all feels so new, like in the beginning. A few weeks back, I didn't think I would ever wrap one of his curls around my finger again, or watch him when he slept, next to me, but here we are back together. Maybe when I fly home and can't roll over and find his warmth waiting for me, I will feel different. I don't know.
I do love how I can look up sometimes to see Alan across the room, his nose buried in a book, lost in the moment, not knowing that I stare sometimes, just watching the current of emotions that cross his face; his impatience when the book is slow, his foot tapping impatiently. When he is really enjoying the book, his finger will come up and wrap a curl around it, idly twisting the strand until he needs to turn the page. It is reassuring to see him so relaxed.
It's funny that I can set the scene even with my eyes closed. Alan is predictable in that way, and it is appreciated, I know what I get.
He is currently sleeping, the hike wore him out. Wore us both out. Maybe I can get him to exercise with me sometime.
After this vacation is over, we are back to London for a few more weeks before the 5th season of House starts up and I...
A small noise behind him and Robert turned, setting his pen down. "I thought you were asleep?"
"I was," Alan said with a yawn, pushing off from the door frame. "Legs wanted a stretch."
Robert closed his journal as Alan came up behind him to rest a head on his shoulder.
"What're you up to?" Alan mumbled.
"Just a few things I've been neglecting." He was relieved when Alan just made a soft sound of acknowledgement, the vibration tickling his shoulder and making him smile. "Ready to go back to bed?"
"After a glass of water. Meet you there." Alan kissed Robert's cheek and stepped away.
When the footsteps retreated, Robert stood, stretching his back and making his way to the bathroom. Toilet used and teeth brushed, he removed his shirt before climbing into bed to wait for Alan to enter, which he did a moment later, carrying a nearly empty glass of water. Robert watched him move across the room, draining the glass and ducking into the bathroom to refill it before setting the full glass down on the nightstand.
Alan switched off the lamp and joined his boyfriend, leaning over and finding his lips in the dark. "Night Love, sleep well."
Robert smiled in the dark. He returned the kiss and pulled away, waiting for Alan to turn around before spooning against his back and pressing a final kiss to Alan's neck. Robert closed his eye and drifted off to a deep sleep.
14.08 Panic
Fandom: RPS
Story: Highway: Reconnected 14.07
Characters: Alan Davies and Robert Sean Leonard
Authors: michelleann68 + evila_elf = evila_ann
Prompt: None
Word Count: 1091
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Robert tries to find some perspective on the recent events.
Authors’ Notes: Feel free to friend us if you want to read a day ahead of the communities.
Where it all began:
Big table of prompts is here:
Order of the story is here:
Previous story:
Raise the Curtain
I have been in Portugal for four days now. It is so beautiful here, and the villa that we are staying at is breathtakingly gorgeous and impossibly huge. I would be happy living in just one room of this place and have been spending most my time, when not out sunning, in the living room, kitchen, and of course the bedroom.
Hugh called for me, demanding facts that I had forgotten to give him. He is beyond thrilled that I am back together with Alan and he made plans to tell Lisa right away. I felt bad for not telling him sooner, but Alan has been quite a distraction.
I have noticed a change come over Alan since we have been here. I can’t say I dislike it, but...it is almost smothering. He keeps dropping hints at how wonderful it is, spending all this time here, a place of our own. Every once and awhile, I catch him looking at me, wistfully. Between a man and a woman, such a look would mean that he would be thinking of ‘popping the question.’ And if he thought there would be any chance that I would say yes, I think he would try to get me to commit. I like--no love--where we are at right now in our relationship and I see no reason to push. Not now.
Why can’t Alan see that we are at a happy medium? I just don't want us to rock this fragile boat we are riding in. We both have our own lives. There is nothing wrong with taking our time knitting that life together, we do not need to jump right in. I want to get used to loving him, before I live with him. It is all overwhelming and engulfing. If it is right, then I would love to share my life with him, but...I just can’t. This is so hard to explain. It feels like we are both asking too much, and I don't think it diminishes what we have, it just defines it. We both need to work, and the likelihood of Alan working in the states is as likely as me working in London consistently. Hugh was lucky that he crossed over to the US market, but he did it as an 'American.' I can’t ask Alan to sacrifice London for me and I can’t give up my work and home in the states.
I thought Alan was going to bring it up today, when we had a long talk up on top of the hill, but my reticence most likely caused him to back off a little and that is my fault. We need to talk about the future sometime, but I am happy to spend a few months of the year together. It is in some ways like seeing someone new, but there is a sense of comfort in that as well. Almost like being in a new show four times a year. I look forward to it, so much. I worry that if we make this a permanent arrangement that the magic will wear off, and I don't want that.
I am a mess, I know that. There should be nothing preventing me from grabbing Alan and holding on forever, but even writing it makes my heart seize up a little and a panic rises up in me. Watching so many of my friends dive headlong into marriage, only to watch it melt away, leaving them broken, is just something I don't want to go through. I love Alan, but part of me still expects him to hurt me deeply, even though it seems like I do nothing but hurt him.
It all feels so new, like in the beginning. A few weeks back, I didn't think I would ever wrap one of his curls around my finger again, or watch him when he slept, next to me, but here we are back together. Maybe when I fly home and can't roll over and find his warmth waiting for me, I will feel different. I don't know.
I do love how I can look up sometimes to see Alan across the room, his nose buried in a book, lost in the moment, not knowing that I stare sometimes, just watching the current of emotions that cross his face; his impatience when the book is slow, his foot tapping impatiently. When he is really enjoying the book, his finger will come up and wrap a curl around it, idly twisting the strand until he needs to turn the page. It is reassuring to see him so relaxed.
It's funny that I can set the scene even with my eyes closed. Alan is predictable in that way, and it is appreciated, I know what I get.
He is currently sleeping, the hike wore him out. Wore us both out. Maybe I can get him to exercise with me sometime.
After this vacation is over, we are back to London for a few more weeks before the 5th season of House starts up and I...
A small noise behind him and Robert turned, setting his pen down. "I thought you were asleep?"
"I was," Alan said with a yawn, pushing off from the door frame. "Legs wanted a stretch."
Robert closed his journal as Alan came up behind him to rest a head on his shoulder.
"What're you up to?" Alan mumbled.
"Just a few things I've been neglecting." He was relieved when Alan just made a soft sound of acknowledgement, the vibration tickling his shoulder and making him smile. "Ready to go back to bed?"
"After a glass of water. Meet you there." Alan kissed Robert's cheek and stepped away.
When the footsteps retreated, Robert stood, stretching his back and making his way to the bathroom. Toilet used and teeth brushed, he removed his shirt before climbing into bed to wait for Alan to enter, which he did a moment later, carrying a nearly empty glass of water. Robert watched him move across the room, draining the glass and ducking into the bathroom to refill it before setting the full glass down on the nightstand.
Alan switched off the lamp and joined his boyfriend, leaning over and finding his lips in the dark. "Night Love, sleep well."
Robert smiled in the dark. He returned the kiss and pulled away, waiting for Alan to turn around before spooning against his back and pressing a final kiss to Alan's neck. Robert closed his eye and drifted off to a deep sleep.
14.08 Panic