and I miss him
This morning I didn't want to wake up. Last night talking to Arthur about Shadow made me cry too much, so it meant going to bed with a slight headache and waking up with puffy eyes.
I dragged myself to the shower this morning and really had no idea what to wear. I got ready and headed out to my doctors office. Upon arriving, I waited to get my paperwork to take to the cancer center. ugh. Yeah, even saying it out loud made my stomach turn. I drove over to the correct building and parked. Walking up to the building, I quickly read 'Cancer Center' at the front of it, with logos form the American Cancer Society plastered along the glass doors. I walked up the stairs to the breast cancer office and upon opening the door was nauseated by all the pink and floral patterns in the room. Soft pastels and dove paintings adorned the walls with ribbons in their beaks. Classic. Looking around the waiting room was probably the most depressing. Here I was, 24 years old waiting to have a breast ultrasound among the likes of women who could easily pass as my mother or grandmother. I stared blankly at the pamphlets on the wall of "How to Deal with Breast Cancer" and was afraid to even pick it up. All the women around me spoke of cancer survivors in their family, others spoke of loss. I just hoped I was never to be a part of either stories.
My name was called and I was sent to a dressing room to remove my top and bra, then put on some pink robe thing. Really, must it ALL be pink? Looking in the mirror made me realize I don't look half bad in that color. I went into the ultrasound room and sat on the long bed. She made me lay down and then she began the interrogating questions of breast cancer in the family. None. No one has ever had it or has it. I laid down, she turned off the lights and up my arm went over my head to exam the left breast; the reason I was in there. The lube was warm, how kind of them, I appreciated at least that much. I positioned myself so I could view the screen and see what this was all about, I like being informed, or at least watching what is being done to me.
I never thought I'd see my name across an ultrasound screen until I was pregnant, and even then, that thought isn't even in my plans for a good 3-4 years. Just way too earlier for either case. She took tons of stills, and I wasn't sure if I should have been worried or not. It all looked like an ocean with waves... I didn't even know what to look for. She moved over to the right boob and I noticed her pay a lot of attention to one spot, which worried me more, which was followed by more stills. Lots of snapshots were taken of my boobs, there's pictures out there of my boobs people. Creepy.
When she was done, she printed out tons of stuff and sat down to write stuff on my chart. She told me I could wipe the lube off my chest and get dressed. Once I did that, I wrapped the robe around me and asked what I needed to do next. She said I would be getting a call from my doctor with results anywhere from 2 days to a week. She then gave me a pink gift bag since October is breast cancer awareness month. Thanks? I went back to the dressing room where they had baby wipes and deodorant. I got dressed and headed out.
I'm not sure how to feel about it. Being there was surreal and I felt really out of place.
James says if I get bad news he'll hop on a plane. That was the best feeling of my day so far.
Especially since my boobs are hella sore.
I'm staying positive even though deep down I'm kinda scared.
No one gets breast cancer at 24 right?
I dragged myself to the shower this morning and really had no idea what to wear. I got ready and headed out to my doctors office. Upon arriving, I waited to get my paperwork to take to the cancer center. ugh. Yeah, even saying it out loud made my stomach turn. I drove over to the correct building and parked. Walking up to the building, I quickly read 'Cancer Center' at the front of it, with logos form the American Cancer Society plastered along the glass doors. I walked up the stairs to the breast cancer office and upon opening the door was nauseated by all the pink and floral patterns in the room. Soft pastels and dove paintings adorned the walls with ribbons in their beaks. Classic. Looking around the waiting room was probably the most depressing. Here I was, 24 years old waiting to have a breast ultrasound among the likes of women who could easily pass as my mother or grandmother. I stared blankly at the pamphlets on the wall of "How to Deal with Breast Cancer" and was afraid to even pick it up. All the women around me spoke of cancer survivors in their family, others spoke of loss. I just hoped I was never to be a part of either stories.
My name was called and I was sent to a dressing room to remove my top and bra, then put on some pink robe thing. Really, must it ALL be pink? Looking in the mirror made me realize I don't look half bad in that color. I went into the ultrasound room and sat on the long bed. She made me lay down and then she began the interrogating questions of breast cancer in the family. None. No one has ever had it or has it. I laid down, she turned off the lights and up my arm went over my head to exam the left breast; the reason I was in there. The lube was warm, how kind of them, I appreciated at least that much. I positioned myself so I could view the screen and see what this was all about, I like being informed, or at least watching what is being done to me.
I never thought I'd see my name across an ultrasound screen until I was pregnant, and even then, that thought isn't even in my plans for a good 3-4 years. Just way too earlier for either case. She took tons of stills, and I wasn't sure if I should have been worried or not. It all looked like an ocean with waves... I didn't even know what to look for. She moved over to the right boob and I noticed her pay a lot of attention to one spot, which worried me more, which was followed by more stills. Lots of snapshots were taken of my boobs, there's pictures out there of my boobs people. Creepy.
When she was done, she printed out tons of stuff and sat down to write stuff on my chart. She told me I could wipe the lube off my chest and get dressed. Once I did that, I wrapped the robe around me and asked what I needed to do next. She said I would be getting a call from my doctor with results anywhere from 2 days to a week. She then gave me a pink gift bag since October is breast cancer awareness month. Thanks? I went back to the dressing room where they had baby wipes and deodorant. I got dressed and headed out.
I'm not sure how to feel about it. Being there was surreal and I felt really out of place.
James says if I get bad news he'll hop on a plane. That was the best feeling of my day so far.
Especially since my boobs are hella sore.
I'm staying positive even though deep down I'm kinda scared.
No one gets breast cancer at 24 right?