Twenty ways to see the world, twenty ways to start a fight
Monday is my last day of classes. My last day of classes for my Freshmen year of college.
I definitely did not anticipate it would go by so quickly. It's pretty petrifying to think the rest of our lives will continue in this fashion: each year going by faster and faster. I remember when years felt like an ETERNITY. Those days are definitely done and that makes me kind of sad. That said, it's also a reminder to make every moment special or some Halmark crap like that. But really, I need to work on living in the present. Stop hoping, start living, etc etc.
ANYWAY:
So, Freshmen year, You have been a big fat okay. I met some amazing people, grew close to some, apart from others, but all in all, it wasn't as thrilling as I was expecting. Again, this is my "getting expectations far too high to meet," and, if anything, I'm to blame for my year not being the best it could have been. I have to stop holding myself back and worrying I'll be bad at something--it's a terrible way to go through life.
I wish I had become closer to more people. I still feel as though no one really knows all that much about me here. I can't wait til' I get to the comfort level of senior year in highschool (which hopefully occurs BEFORE my senior year of college)--that point where you are just yourself. I don't mean to say I've been anyone but myself here, but rather where you reach that point where you can... dress like a pirate and run a muck and no one gives a shit. Yes, yes, of course one could argue that I can do that now, but it's not the same. Clark is just not ready for that.
(FYI: I don't often dress up like a pirate. It's just an example. Okay... maybe I have on a couple occasions, but whatever.)
On another note, I really like dorm-living. I enjoy the space and the independence. I like that you can visit people whenever. It really is a fantasy life in a way: no taxes, no worrying about feeding yourself, a small space to maintain. And Melissa ended up being a really good roommate. No, we aren't besties and we never will be, but we get along really well and we respected each others space. I'm sad I'm not closer with her because she's actually a very cool person.
In retrospect, I think my priorities were very off first semester. I pined after a boy who is just... no. We don't work. I worry about the feelings I have for people because I'm never sure until months later whether they were authentic. Furthermore, I should have put in a little more effort in my other relationships and given some people more of a chance. Somewhere along the way I just started writing people off and that's a terrible thing to do after only a few months of four to five years here. That said, I still need to work on being less dependent. When I can be perfectly happy all on my own, I know I will be a happier person all around.
This summer, I plan on trying to figure out who I want to be or who I am... lol, that sounds very silly, but I feel a little empty at the moment. Like, I've forgotten something that was an integral part of who I am since I've been here. Maybe it's because I've been essentially anchorless. I don't talk to my family nearly enough and, at least in the past several months, I've grown somewhat apart from my core group here at Clark. I'm all a drift!! Ahahaha, this is all so schmaltzy. Forgive me, I am lame.
Next year, I've gotta get more involved in campus stuff--a club or something that I can really commit to. I know my class load is going to be tough, but I really have to have something apart from classes to occupy myself with.
And now, a list of goals/intentions/what the fuck ever for this summer:
-Get my license
-Get a job
-Revamp my hair (lol)
-Be outside as much as possible
-Cut down on Facebook/the internet in general
-Get photoshop again/start editing movies again
-Take many pictures
-LOTS OF HUMAN CONTACT
-Hang with the fam.
-Excercise/eat healthier
-Try new things :].
If you read all of that, I like you.
I definitely did not anticipate it would go by so quickly. It's pretty petrifying to think the rest of our lives will continue in this fashion: each year going by faster and faster. I remember when years felt like an ETERNITY. Those days are definitely done and that makes me kind of sad. That said, it's also a reminder to make every moment special or some Halmark crap like that. But really, I need to work on living in the present. Stop hoping, start living, etc etc.
ANYWAY:
So, Freshmen year, You have been a big fat okay. I met some amazing people, grew close to some, apart from others, but all in all, it wasn't as thrilling as I was expecting. Again, this is my "getting expectations far too high to meet," and, if anything, I'm to blame for my year not being the best it could have been. I have to stop holding myself back and worrying I'll be bad at something--it's a terrible way to go through life.
I wish I had become closer to more people. I still feel as though no one really knows all that much about me here. I can't wait til' I get to the comfort level of senior year in highschool (which hopefully occurs BEFORE my senior year of college)--that point where you are just yourself. I don't mean to say I've been anyone but myself here, but rather where you reach that point where you can... dress like a pirate and run a muck and no one gives a shit. Yes, yes, of course one could argue that I can do that now, but it's not the same. Clark is just not ready for that.
(FYI: I don't often dress up like a pirate. It's just an example. Okay... maybe I have on a couple occasions, but whatever.)
On another note, I really like dorm-living. I enjoy the space and the independence. I like that you can visit people whenever. It really is a fantasy life in a way: no taxes, no worrying about feeding yourself, a small space to maintain. And Melissa ended up being a really good roommate. No, we aren't besties and we never will be, but we get along really well and we respected each others space. I'm sad I'm not closer with her because she's actually a very cool person.
In retrospect, I think my priorities were very off first semester. I pined after a boy who is just... no. We don't work. I worry about the feelings I have for people because I'm never sure until months later whether they were authentic. Furthermore, I should have put in a little more effort in my other relationships and given some people more of a chance. Somewhere along the way I just started writing people off and that's a terrible thing to do after only a few months of four to five years here. That said, I still need to work on being less dependent. When I can be perfectly happy all on my own, I know I will be a happier person all around.
This summer, I plan on trying to figure out who I want to be or who I am... lol, that sounds very silly, but I feel a little empty at the moment. Like, I've forgotten something that was an integral part of who I am since I've been here. Maybe it's because I've been essentially anchorless. I don't talk to my family nearly enough and, at least in the past several months, I've grown somewhat apart from my core group here at Clark. I'm all a drift!! Ahahaha, this is all so schmaltzy. Forgive me, I am lame.
Next year, I've gotta get more involved in campus stuff--a club or something that I can really commit to. I know my class load is going to be tough, but I really have to have something apart from classes to occupy myself with.
And now, a list of goals/intentions/what the fuck ever for this summer:
-Get my license
-Get a job
-Revamp my hair (lol)
-Be outside as much as possible
-Cut down on Facebook/the internet in general
-Get photoshop again/start editing movies again
-Take many pictures
-LOTS OF HUMAN CONTACT
-Hang with the fam.
-Excercise/eat healthier
-Try new things :].
If you read all of that, I like you.