(no subject)
Hmm, today I told my boss I have another job.. Im to chicken to quit.. I hate being mean.. Ugh, sometimes that's really bad..
Sometimes I'm just so frickin nice that in return..I get hurt. I remember when My family accepted me.. they thought I was an angle..Like I could do NOTHING wrong.. I had to live up to that for so many years.
Then when I changed.. It was like OMG.. how could she do that... Then the rumors flew.. Ambers Pregnant, amber's a druggy, amber'rs a slut.. Amber turned gothic...
The main thing that got them was my apperance.. The fact that I didn't dress all preppy.. instead I wore darker clothes, I got a tat, I got some piercings..
They acted like that was so bad.. they.. acted like It was a sin..
Not only that..
I expressed my opinion.. They acted like that was the worst thing in the world.. And the fact that i didn't know if i believe in God.. or any religion..
My family ruined the last of my beliefs. I remember one time I wasn't allowed to watch a movie because it had "witch craft" in it..-Harry potter-...
Then my Aunt gave me this huge lecture that Im not supposed to watch unreal things.. So I started asking about movies she watches and books she reads.. Of course.. I was being sinfull for questioning..
I hate family sometimes
Yet other times.. I miss them..
I was thinking about my deseased half sister the other day.. She died last summer.. she would be a year old... It's so weird.. I don't have a sister.. and on top of that.. Im my fathers only child.. Sometimes I hate my father so much.. other times.. I feel sorry.. or i feel like Im just hating him to protect myself from being hurt.. or maybe its because i dont want to forgive him for what he's done.. when in reality.. i already have.. Idk.. I hate him sometimes so much.. The lies.. the promises he makes.. are always broken..
Life is so weird..