Complications - Chapter 10
Title: Complications - Chapter 10
Pairings: JaeMin Angst
Rating: PG
Genre: Tragedy
Warnings: the end...
Summary: Changmin has decided...
Chapter 10
“Jaejoong, you’ve always known from the start that I would choose your happiness over my own.” We were at our usual spot again. I called Jaejoong last night saying that I needed to talk to him. I have finally made my decision. It was a difficult one and it might be stupid to some people but this is my choice.
“That’s not true Changmin-ah,” Jaejoong muttered.
“Let’s skip all the lies please Jaejoong,” I said heavily although I was wearing a smile on my face. I wanted this conversation to be as light-hearted as possible. No tears, no pain, plain and simple.
“You have to understand Changmin that this is hard for me too,” he said. “I can’t choose between you and Yunho.”
“Why? Why is that so hard?” I asked. “To choose between your friend and the guy of your dreams, that’s a no brainer.”
"Because…I -“
“Because you were being selfish, am I right?” I immediately saw the hurt in his face. “It’s ok to be selfish Jaejoong. You wanted to be with Yunho but keeping me as a friend at the same time. If I were placed in your shoes I would find ways to keep both of you.”
“I-I-I’m sorry Changmin-ah,” he said tears flowing down his cheeks.
“I completely understand. After all, that’s what I always do right? To understand. To always give in. Especially to you,” I smirked at how silly that sounded. “That’s how much I love you Jaejoong. Seeing you happy makes me happy. And if your happiness lies with Yunho then be with him. I’m only sorry that I can’t give you the happiness you get from Yunho, even though I want to.”
“Changmin…”
“I’m also leaving Jaejoong,” I almost buckled but I regained my composure. “A good opportunity was presented to me in another country and I opted to take it. I need time away, away from you, away from everyone.”
“What? You’re leaving? You’re leaving me? Please don’t Changmin-ah”
“It’s my turn to be selfish now Jaejoong. I can’t barely contain the pain every time I see you, see Yunho. I think it would be best for all of us if I were away.” I stood up and prepared to leave.
“I was in love with you!” Jaejoong’s voice was shaking.
“What?” I was flabbergasted.
“I was in love with you Changmin. I lied when I told you I loved Yunho from the start. There was no point in telling you then. Yes I do love Yunho but I loved you first.”
“Then why didn’t you tell me before? You could have saved me all this heartache.” My tears were starting to flow. I couldn’t contain it any longer.
“Because you were so in love with Yunho!” His voice was cracking. “Would you have returned me the love I could’ve given you back then?”
I fell silent so he pressed on.
“Of course not. You were so in love with him. I couldn’t see a space in your heart for me. I was always there for you because I loved you. I still do now but not as much as before.”
“Then it looks like we weren’t able to meet each other in the middle.” I tried my best to be indifferent. As if it didn’t hurt me. But deep inside my heart was ripping into pieces. It did not matter. Everything was too late. There was an awkward pause and then -
“When are you leaving?” Jaejoong asked.
“Tomorrow evening,” I answered.
“So is this the end?” Jaejoong said to me eyes filled with tears.
“There is nothing to end Jaejoong,” I replied, trying to be matter-of-factly. “There was never an “us” to begin with.” I hoped my air quotes got through to him.
“Will I ever see you again?”
“Of course Jaejoong,” I said with enthusiasm. “We’re still friends and nothing can change that. We could always text each other and exchange emails.”
“You take care of yourself Changmin-ah.” At this, Jaejoong stood up and gave me a hug.
“If only you kissed me during that night at the club,” I whispered to him. “Then maybe I would’ve been over you earlier.” I turned around and went out of the coffee shop.
*****
I was packing my bags the next day. I had a few hours before my flight and I wasn’t really nervous about not catching the plane. I was going through all my stuffs and I saw the photo album that I made with pictures of me and Jaejoong. We had a lot of pictures. I couldn’t even include them all in the photo album considering how thick it is.
I flicked through page after page washing me with a wave of nostalgia and a pang of pain with every turn of the page. Each photo bore a memory of my time with Jaejoong and I decided to put it in my bag together with my clothes. I wanted to bring something to remind me of Jaejoong.
*****
I was crying inside the taxi cab while going to the airport. Almost every landmark I passed reminded me so much of Jaejoong and the times we spent together.
I was a couple of hours early for my flight. I didn’t really know why. Maybe I had nothing to do or maybe I was just so eager to move away. I was in the waiting lounge reading a newspaper. My mind was racing with a lot of questions. What’s in store for me? What would happen to my friends I left behind?
I cannot forget the faces they gave me when I told them the news. Yes they understood but I knew I hurt them. I felt so guilty leaving the people who helped me when my need was dire. But I had to do this.
“Passengers of Flight 5J 518 bound for Manila, Philippines please proceed to gate number 4.” The PA announcer’s voice rang across the waiting lounge.
That’s my cue. I thought to myself. Time to go.
I grabbed the handle of my bag and started walking to the gate number indicated when I heard an all too familiar voice.
“Changmin-ah…Changmin-ah”
I turned around and saw Jaejoong running towards me. I couldn’t help but smile. I was so happy to see him even this one last time.
“What are you doing here Jaejoong,” I said, exasperated. “I might miss my plane.”
“I wanted to give you something,” he said. He took out a small box from a pocket. He opened it and I saw a ring inside. It was nothing flamboyant; it was a simple ring with small diamonds encrusted around it. He held it up to me and I saw his name on the inside. He slipped the ring through my finger.
“A friendship ring, so that whatever happens we will never forget each other.” He took an identical ring off his finger and showed me my name engraved in the same place that his name was engraved in my ring.
I hugged Jaejoong so tight. “I’m gonna miss you Jaejoong.”
“So will I.”
“Final call for passengers of Flight 5J 518 bound for Manila, Philippines please proceed to gate number 4.”
“I have to go Jaejoong. Take care of yourself hyung.”
“I will if you will too.”
“I promise,” I said. When I was about to enter gate 4 I looked back and saw him still standing there smiling. I waved at him then stepped inside the gate knowing full well that that could be the last time I could see him.
After the guard inspected my bags, I was asked to go through a metal detector. Then I walked the entire length of the connecting tube towards the airplane.
“Good bye Jaejoong. I hope I made the right choice,” I whispered to the wind as I stepped inside the plane to start a new beginning.
Pairings: JaeMin Angst
Rating: PG
Genre: Tragedy
Warnings: the end...
Summary: Changmin has decided...
Chapter 10
“Jaejoong, you’ve always known from the start that I would choose your happiness over my own.” We were at our usual spot again. I called Jaejoong last night saying that I needed to talk to him. I have finally made my decision. It was a difficult one and it might be stupid to some people but this is my choice.
“That’s not true Changmin-ah,” Jaejoong muttered.
“Let’s skip all the lies please Jaejoong,” I said heavily although I was wearing a smile on my face. I wanted this conversation to be as light-hearted as possible. No tears, no pain, plain and simple.
“You have to understand Changmin that this is hard for me too,” he said. “I can’t choose between you and Yunho.”
“Why? Why is that so hard?” I asked. “To choose between your friend and the guy of your dreams, that’s a no brainer.”
"Because…I -“
“Because you were being selfish, am I right?” I immediately saw the hurt in his face. “It’s ok to be selfish Jaejoong. You wanted to be with Yunho but keeping me as a friend at the same time. If I were placed in your shoes I would find ways to keep both of you.”
“I-I-I’m sorry Changmin-ah,” he said tears flowing down his cheeks.
“I completely understand. After all, that’s what I always do right? To understand. To always give in. Especially to you,” I smirked at how silly that sounded. “That’s how much I love you Jaejoong. Seeing you happy makes me happy. And if your happiness lies with Yunho then be with him. I’m only sorry that I can’t give you the happiness you get from Yunho, even though I want to.”
“Changmin…”
“I’m also leaving Jaejoong,” I almost buckled but I regained my composure. “A good opportunity was presented to me in another country and I opted to take it. I need time away, away from you, away from everyone.”
“What? You’re leaving? You’re leaving me? Please don’t Changmin-ah”
“It’s my turn to be selfish now Jaejoong. I can’t barely contain the pain every time I see you, see Yunho. I think it would be best for all of us if I were away.” I stood up and prepared to leave.
“I was in love with you!” Jaejoong’s voice was shaking.
“What?” I was flabbergasted.
“I was in love with you Changmin. I lied when I told you I loved Yunho from the start. There was no point in telling you then. Yes I do love Yunho but I loved you first.”
“Then why didn’t you tell me before? You could have saved me all this heartache.” My tears were starting to flow. I couldn’t contain it any longer.
“Because you were so in love with Yunho!” His voice was cracking. “Would you have returned me the love I could’ve given you back then?”
I fell silent so he pressed on.
“Of course not. You were so in love with him. I couldn’t see a space in your heart for me. I was always there for you because I loved you. I still do now but not as much as before.”
“Then it looks like we weren’t able to meet each other in the middle.” I tried my best to be indifferent. As if it didn’t hurt me. But deep inside my heart was ripping into pieces. It did not matter. Everything was too late. There was an awkward pause and then -
“When are you leaving?” Jaejoong asked.
“Tomorrow evening,” I answered.
“So is this the end?” Jaejoong said to me eyes filled with tears.
“There is nothing to end Jaejoong,” I replied, trying to be matter-of-factly. “There was never an “us” to begin with.” I hoped my air quotes got through to him.
“Will I ever see you again?”
“Of course Jaejoong,” I said with enthusiasm. “We’re still friends and nothing can change that. We could always text each other and exchange emails.”
“You take care of yourself Changmin-ah.” At this, Jaejoong stood up and gave me a hug.
“If only you kissed me during that night at the club,” I whispered to him. “Then maybe I would’ve been over you earlier.” I turned around and went out of the coffee shop.
*****
I was packing my bags the next day. I had a few hours before my flight and I wasn’t really nervous about not catching the plane. I was going through all my stuffs and I saw the photo album that I made with pictures of me and Jaejoong. We had a lot of pictures. I couldn’t even include them all in the photo album considering how thick it is.
I flicked through page after page washing me with a wave of nostalgia and a pang of pain with every turn of the page. Each photo bore a memory of my time with Jaejoong and I decided to put it in my bag together with my clothes. I wanted to bring something to remind me of Jaejoong.
*****
I was crying inside the taxi cab while going to the airport. Almost every landmark I passed reminded me so much of Jaejoong and the times we spent together.
I was a couple of hours early for my flight. I didn’t really know why. Maybe I had nothing to do or maybe I was just so eager to move away. I was in the waiting lounge reading a newspaper. My mind was racing with a lot of questions. What’s in store for me? What would happen to my friends I left behind?
I cannot forget the faces they gave me when I told them the news. Yes they understood but I knew I hurt them. I felt so guilty leaving the people who helped me when my need was dire. But I had to do this.
“Passengers of Flight 5J 518 bound for Manila, Philippines please proceed to gate number 4.” The PA announcer’s voice rang across the waiting lounge.
That’s my cue. I thought to myself. Time to go.
I grabbed the handle of my bag and started walking to the gate number indicated when I heard an all too familiar voice.
“Changmin-ah…Changmin-ah”
I turned around and saw Jaejoong running towards me. I couldn’t help but smile. I was so happy to see him even this one last time.
“What are you doing here Jaejoong,” I said, exasperated. “I might miss my plane.”
“I wanted to give you something,” he said. He took out a small box from a pocket. He opened it and I saw a ring inside. It was nothing flamboyant; it was a simple ring with small diamonds encrusted around it. He held it up to me and I saw his name on the inside. He slipped the ring through my finger.
“A friendship ring, so that whatever happens we will never forget each other.” He took an identical ring off his finger and showed me my name engraved in the same place that his name was engraved in my ring.
I hugged Jaejoong so tight. “I’m gonna miss you Jaejoong.”
“So will I.”
“Final call for passengers of Flight 5J 518 bound for Manila, Philippines please proceed to gate number 4.”
“I have to go Jaejoong. Take care of yourself hyung.”
“I will if you will too.”
“I promise,” I said. When I was about to enter gate 4 I looked back and saw him still standing there smiling. I waved at him then stepped inside the gate knowing full well that that could be the last time I could see him.
After the guard inspected my bags, I was asked to go through a metal detector. Then I walked the entire length of the connecting tube towards the airplane.
“Good bye Jaejoong. I hope I made the right choice,” I whispered to the wind as I stepped inside the plane to start a new beginning.