(no subject)
I feel really foolish right now...I hung with the guys today, and we were talking about Greg stuff...i was talking to Brian for a while, and we talked about Greg's LOVE for nudity, we started to laugh. It felt odd...i feel like I'm wrong to laugh, because I'm so sad. I feel like I'm not ready to laugh, like i'm laughing too fast, and i, truthfully DONT WANT TO LAUGH...i wish i didnt laugh just yet. When i laugh, im still sad, and when i cry, im still sad...and then i just want to stare into space, or sleep, but i cant. I dont know...tomorrow is the memorial...I'm really scared. I'm actually frightened to go. I'm really nervous, and when i think about it, my stomache begins to get all tied up, and then i feel nautious. I want to be with everyone...Kristina is here, thank god. I HATE being alone. We're going to Emily's later tonight, to spend time with the girls and just to be together, to be with people. And here's some good news for me...I just found, FINALLY FINALLY found the pictures i've been stressing about. I thought i couldnt find them, i was sooo worried that something had happened to them, and finally tonight, i found them! Well...not the pictures, themselves, but i found the negatives. So i told Bri Burke, because i was telling him how upset i was that i couldnt find some of my pics, and immediately he said, "Julz, monday, I'll develop them for you." It was soo dear of him. He's taking this so hard. All of the boys are...they are playing poker at Taps's tonight. It's good for them. I talked to Taps tonight, and he was excited to hang w/ the guys. Well, I'm gonna go. GREG, NOT A SECOND GOES BY THAT I DONT MISS YOU SO MUCH! YOUR IN MY THOUGHTS WHILE I EAT, SLEEP, BREATHE. I'd give my breaths to you, in a minute! I miss you a lot. Tomorrow...oh god. I'm scared. I dont know if i can take more tears. See more sad faces. I just miss Gregor (great Greggy moment) so much...:(