so long for now... she had to say.
We have talked about it for what seemed like years. Yet the years that flew by as quick as a snap of a finger. What we'd do, who we would see, who would be the ones crying, who'd be the ones comforting those of us crying uncontrollably.
"That Night" just came. The night we all said goodbye to each other after wonderful, priceless years together. I was the first to leave, the first to experience a whole new world that didn't include one of my best friends. I knew it would be hard for me, yet I wasn't expecting it to be THIS hard.'
As I sat at lunch with my family and melissa just hours before entering the new world I found myself unable to eat. Unable to grasp the fact that my world I had grown to appreciate and love more than life itself was coming to a hold. No, not an end, but a lil hold. The "gaps" were starting. Gaps that will be filled in at Thanksgiving, Christmas, random breaks, etc.
It's one of the worst feelings when you make an effort to go sit at some girls at dinner to try and be friendly and you get stared at. Not a "hi" or "hey how are you doing", but rather a look like "what are you doing sitting next to us." Wow. And a part of me thought high school bitchiness was long gone. Nope. Sorry friends, another reality that we have to face that not everyone is as friendly as your true friends. No one understands what it's like to have a group of friends that I do.
Thankfully my roomie is awesome. If it wasn't for her, I honestly would still be sitting in my dorm room crying since the day I walked in here. I like her because she's someone that could be friends with US. She knows how to laugh and cry like us, she has a great group of friends back at home that she too misses dearly. And last night Ashley Knutson proved that to me. When we were sitting in the room laughing, ashley said to me, "something about her reminds me of melissa domack." I'm not sure what, but that proved it.
My dad called me the day after I left the house crying. Crying at how how it was for him and my mom and it wasn't the same without me home. My heart just sunk. I hate knowing they're not happy. They should be... it's been 22 years since they haven't been alone and should enjoy it. Thankfully I'm close to home and can take care of my mom these next few months. I've never had to try as hard as I did to not cry when my mom stopped in to drop some stuff off yesterday. I wanted to break down and cry that i missed everything and everyone back at home. That the first few college days weren't as good as I'd hoped. But I couldn't. I had to pretend things were going well.
And things do get better. The days are long, yet the nights are fun. And long as well. I must say, as the days go by things get more comfortable. Camille and I have a few girls who come out with us at night now and stop by. The few who stop in when our door is always open insted of the others who just walk on by. Not willing to make friends. I think another reason why it's so hard for me to make new friends is because I know NO people out there will come close to living up to my girls. I'm never going to be as happy as I am with them.
Yet, time will drift by. The days will go by, which will be weeks followed by months. We'll get visits from those we love and breaks will pop up before we know it. Which I can NOT wait for. We'll all pull through. Because we have the power to do so. We'll make friends- just not better ones. We'll have great times. College is such a wonderful thing and I'm very lucky to have gone here, as Jen pointed out. Girls- leaving for college will be extremely hard. But if I can do it, you can do it! Look for the positives. Cell phones are always right in your hand, as I've used mine more these past few days than ever. We can do this. It can be done.
"and I thought, 'what if i had never met you?" as jen stated in my letter she gave me my last night. Honestly girls, I truly don't know what I would have done without you.
Love you and miss you.