As it usually is.
Here we are again.
Broken hearted and the like.
Is this something I can continue to expect from life?
Or is it something I can continue to expect from myself?
I'm bitter and angry with myself. And it's been increasing daily.
What happened to this awesome new ME that I found over the summer?
I'm not going back to that lap dog little bitch I was. I was nothing then.
I'm so much more now.
Sure, I've become a little full of myself. But, goddamn it was needed.
Thank God I'm pretty.
You'll understand, one day.
Now, on to bigger things. What do you do with yourself once you find that there could have been so much more - if you just weren't a fuck up?
Yeah - that's where I am now.
I just need people. Friends. Keep my mind off this. Keep me in ME. Where I should have been in the first place.
I'm really quite a catch. I've never met anyone like me. I don't think I would like me anyway. Either way... I'm one of a kind.
And because of it I don't think I'll ever get that wedding every girl dreams of. That life that is so perfect in every way.
Maybe that's not me?
No. I'd lay everything on the line for love. Stupid, really. But, that's my character.
Money is nothing - I've shown that so many times. Love is all that is me.
Don't you hate when you're completely devoted to someone - But they can't return it?
That you're so completely imersed in this person - But, they really could care less?
All because you turned them into this.
It makes me not only hate my actions - But myself. More and more. I mean, I've learned from this.
I've going through enough to learn from it to better myself. I've learned enough from my past, to get over things and accept.
Why can't I get around this? Is it because there's some much at stake here? I mean... I see him in my future. I see it more in dreams. I don't dream. Rarely.
They're so vivid.
Maybe I'm just fucking insane. I'm twenty years old... It doesn't matter. There's so much more to me than my age. So so much more.
Christ, I'm in love. And it's killing me.
But, I'm strong enough for this. I told him that I'll be around when he's ready. Regardless.
Now, I have to find this strength again and keep it close. It must be under the bed somewhere...
Give me some time - I'll be back.
Always do.
See you Space Cowboy.
Broken hearted and the like.
Is this something I can continue to expect from life?
Or is it something I can continue to expect from myself?
I'm bitter and angry with myself. And it's been increasing daily.
What happened to this awesome new ME that I found over the summer?
I'm not going back to that lap dog little bitch I was. I was nothing then.
I'm so much more now.
Sure, I've become a little full of myself. But, goddamn it was needed.
Thank God I'm pretty.
You'll understand, one day.
Now, on to bigger things. What do you do with yourself once you find that there could have been so much more - if you just weren't a fuck up?
Yeah - that's where I am now.
I just need people. Friends. Keep my mind off this. Keep me in ME. Where I should have been in the first place.
I'm really quite a catch. I've never met anyone like me. I don't think I would like me anyway. Either way... I'm one of a kind.
And because of it I don't think I'll ever get that wedding every girl dreams of. That life that is so perfect in every way.
Maybe that's not me?
No. I'd lay everything on the line for love. Stupid, really. But, that's my character.
Money is nothing - I've shown that so many times. Love is all that is me.
Don't you hate when you're completely devoted to someone - But they can't return it?
That you're so completely imersed in this person - But, they really could care less?
All because you turned them into this.
It makes me not only hate my actions - But myself. More and more. I mean, I've learned from this.
I've going through enough to learn from it to better myself. I've learned enough from my past, to get over things and accept.
Why can't I get around this? Is it because there's some much at stake here? I mean... I see him in my future. I see it more in dreams. I don't dream. Rarely.
They're so vivid.
Maybe I'm just fucking insane. I'm twenty years old... It doesn't matter. There's so much more to me than my age. So so much more.
Christ, I'm in love. And it's killing me.
But, I'm strong enough for this. I told him that I'll be around when he's ready. Regardless.
Now, I have to find this strength again and keep it close. It must be under the bed somewhere...
Give me some time - I'll be back.
Always do.
See you Space Cowboy.