the night before the flight
in about eighteen hours i will be in san francisco.
packing: 97% done.
just need to pack my toiletries tomorrow.
i don't know how i should feel.
it's one thing to go away some place and have people to miss and who will miss you...
but that's not quite my situation.
it's times like these that make me realize i need to connect more with other people.
like, if my plane went down,
who would bother to come to my funeral?
nobody likes going to funerals.
"hey, i used to know this guy. he's dead now, and we're all here to acknowledge that. cool!"
... thank god none of the people i know are warped enough to enjoy funerals.
the only funeral i've ever been to was my grandfather's (my dad's dad).
along with my paternal cousins, my father, and his siblings, i had to stand next to a picture of my dead grandfather while people came to pay their respects.
it took over seven hours.
afterwards, my mom thew away the clothes we wore to the funeral.
at the time, i didn't ask for any explanations for the rituals and rules of the ceremony.
then i just sort of forgot.
sometimes i still wonder how a "chinese" funeral would differ from an "american" funeral if buddhist traditions weren't involved (my grandfather's funeral was buddhist, i think, but i don't know what sect).
crap, this entry was supposed to be about going to san francisco.
well.
whatever.
i'm tired...
and i feel like crap.
i wish my heart wasn't so small.
i wish i cared more about other people.
i wish more people cared about me.
wow
my feet are freezing
i am going
to sleep
now
packing: 97% done.
just need to pack my toiletries tomorrow.
i don't know how i should feel.
it's one thing to go away some place and have people to miss and who will miss you...
but that's not quite my situation.
it's times like these that make me realize i need to connect more with other people.
like, if my plane went down,
who would bother to come to my funeral?
nobody likes going to funerals.
"hey, i used to know this guy. he's dead now, and we're all here to acknowledge that. cool!"
... thank god none of the people i know are warped enough to enjoy funerals.
the only funeral i've ever been to was my grandfather's (my dad's dad).
along with my paternal cousins, my father, and his siblings, i had to stand next to a picture of my dead grandfather while people came to pay their respects.
it took over seven hours.
afterwards, my mom thew away the clothes we wore to the funeral.
at the time, i didn't ask for any explanations for the rituals and rules of the ceremony.
then i just sort of forgot.
sometimes i still wonder how a "chinese" funeral would differ from an "american" funeral if buddhist traditions weren't involved (my grandfather's funeral was buddhist, i think, but i don't know what sect).
crap, this entry was supposed to be about going to san francisco.
well.
whatever.
i'm tired...
and i feel like crap.
i wish my heart wasn't so small.
i wish i cared more about other people.
i wish more people cared about me.
wow
my feet are freezing
i am going
to sleep
now