(no subject)
It's been two years. Over two years. Why am I still thinking about you?
This has been confusing and frustrating the hell out of me for over two years now. It just really sucks, that I'm not sure if I'm still attracted to him, or my memory of who he used to be. Part of me wants to say something up front, but so many other parts keep coming up with excuses- I don't want to put him through all that emotional drama/crap again, I don't want to put myself through that crap again (especially the fear of rejection a second time), it's stupid to try and start something when a) we're 2 hours away now and b) I'm leaving for NYC in August, which would just make it even further, and that this is just me being desperate for being single for so long and looking back to something that worked in the past. Plus the huge question of is this even something I should be doing? So many doubts...
But I feel like my mom does have a point- I just need to put it out there and see what happens, if only so that I can move on from this relationship that unfortunately has been dead for this long. Add that to the fact that I haven't had a single successful relationship (or a relationship at all) since we've broken up, and you can see where my mom might be right. I just keep kicking myself in the ass for all the times that I had an opportunity to fix things, and I passed them all before it was too late. I fucked up big time. And I think I've said that before on here. Many times.
I don't know. I probably shouldn't even be saying anything, but me being me, I will be stupid enough to do so (at least here anyway). Any thoughts?
This has been confusing and frustrating the hell out of me for over two years now. It just really sucks, that I'm not sure if I'm still attracted to him, or my memory of who he used to be. Part of me wants to say something up front, but so many other parts keep coming up with excuses- I don't want to put him through all that emotional drama/crap again, I don't want to put myself through that crap again (especially the fear of rejection a second time), it's stupid to try and start something when a) we're 2 hours away now and b) I'm leaving for NYC in August, which would just make it even further, and that this is just me being desperate for being single for so long and looking back to something that worked in the past. Plus the huge question of is this even something I should be doing? So many doubts...
But I feel like my mom does have a point- I just need to put it out there and see what happens, if only so that I can move on from this relationship that unfortunately has been dead for this long. Add that to the fact that I haven't had a single successful relationship (or a relationship at all) since we've broken up, and you can see where my mom might be right. I just keep kicking myself in the ass for all the times that I had an opportunity to fix things, and I passed them all before it was too late. I fucked up big time. And I think I've said that before on here. Many times.
I don't know. I probably shouldn't even be saying anything, but me being me, I will be stupid enough to do so (at least here anyway). Any thoughts?