Irks
I don't mean to sound pessimistic here, I still like the friends I'm gonna talk about and they've made my time here a lot easier/better, but here it goes.
So this is my weekend, it was really fun lemme tell you, I really enjoyed myself. Drove me and a bunch of friends to the boardwalk hung out there, went to the beach, collected some shells. Went to another beach and wide tide pooling. Came back to campus, watched a movie, relaxed for a lil bit. Went to another friends house with same people and ate some korean bbq, was good, stayed there till like 11 and left.
Today I drove some friends to capitola mall (pretty close by, like ~5 miles), picked up more friends there and drove em back to campus, ate dinner and hung out at my friend dereks house untill about 10. Drove them all to late night and back. Now heres the part that really bugs me. I asked them (4 of them at this point) if anyone wanted to walk with me back up from the lot where I park my car. Which translates to, I asked them if they wanted to take 10 mins out of their night to keep me company. No one offered, they did a "nose goes" and still no one went. So I was just like screw it and went by myself.
Now its shit like that that just trully bugs me. I often go out of my way to drive these kids around and never really ask for compensation. I would think that I should deserve a little respect, but either they are too self-absorbed to realize how meaningful it would be to walk with me (among other things, this isn't an isolated incedent), or just honestly don't care. In this respect I really miss my friends back home, they would never leave me not feeling respect. I treat the friends here the same as back home, I let them in my place, get/buy them food, let them just crash in my room whatever. I feel sorta used at times, like not that they're using me for my car, just like using me for my friendship, so then can get love from me but don't have to love back.
I would love to be able to tell them that they should do such random thigns as: offer me gas money, maybe a bite to eat, gas money, really I don't care. Half of the time, if I don't IM them, they wont IM me back. Basically, unless they wanted to use my car, I would probably never hear a word from them. Of course after a while they would worry and ask about me, but I mean on a day-to-day basis they would never really bother inviting me anywhere, asking me whats up, anything. But I can't just out and out say that they should do nice things for me, its something that I expect from them, and honestly I lose respect for them every time they show less to me. And even in all my good-naturedness I do hold grudges and stuff, I don't feel like I can really be myself around them 'cause I find myself not wanting to be perfectly nice, almost as a warning that their doing something wrong. But they don't even really know the complete me to notice a difference. Gah.
So this is my weekend, it was really fun lemme tell you, I really enjoyed myself. Drove me and a bunch of friends to the boardwalk hung out there, went to the beach, collected some shells. Went to another beach and wide tide pooling. Came back to campus, watched a movie, relaxed for a lil bit. Went to another friends house with same people and ate some korean bbq, was good, stayed there till like 11 and left.
Today I drove some friends to capitola mall (pretty close by, like ~5 miles), picked up more friends there and drove em back to campus, ate dinner and hung out at my friend dereks house untill about 10. Drove them all to late night and back. Now heres the part that really bugs me. I asked them (4 of them at this point) if anyone wanted to walk with me back up from the lot where I park my car. Which translates to, I asked them if they wanted to take 10 mins out of their night to keep me company. No one offered, they did a "nose goes" and still no one went. So I was just like screw it and went by myself.
Now its shit like that that just trully bugs me. I often go out of my way to drive these kids around and never really ask for compensation. I would think that I should deserve a little respect, but either they are too self-absorbed to realize how meaningful it would be to walk with me (among other things, this isn't an isolated incedent), or just honestly don't care. In this respect I really miss my friends back home, they would never leave me not feeling respect. I treat the friends here the same as back home, I let them in my place, get/buy them food, let them just crash in my room whatever. I feel sorta used at times, like not that they're using me for my car, just like using me for my friendship, so then can get love from me but don't have to love back.
I would love to be able to tell them that they should do such random thigns as: offer me gas money, maybe a bite to eat, gas money, really I don't care. Half of the time, if I don't IM them, they wont IM me back. Basically, unless they wanted to use my car, I would probably never hear a word from them. Of course after a while they would worry and ask about me, but I mean on a day-to-day basis they would never really bother inviting me anywhere, asking me whats up, anything. But I can't just out and out say that they should do nice things for me, its something that I expect from them, and honestly I lose respect for them every time they show less to me. And even in all my good-naturedness I do hold grudges and stuff, I don't feel like I can really be myself around them 'cause I find myself not wanting to be perfectly nice, almost as a warning that their doing something wrong. But they don't even really know the complete me to notice a difference. Gah.