Dreams
What the fuck is the deal with my dreams? Seriously.
I keep dreaming false happy memories about my Dad. I dream things that would have happened if he had been a good father. I guess maybe that's like mourning the loss of having a suitable father. Mourning the loss of the possibility of a good father. Or something. But it's annoying me. I don't really have any grudges against him, anymore, but I don't particularly want to mix things up and forget what a lousy person he was, either.
Whatever. It gets creepier. I've been dreaming about my mom too, and not in the same happy way. Get this.
I was in the bathtub, and I have a butter knife. Why a butter knife? I don't know. But I was apparently considering killing myself, but the fact that it was a butter knife, and the fact that I set it down and didn't actually use it indicate that I didn't really feel like it would help me, and the prospect wasn't tempting. That part of the dream is probably just indicating that I'm thinking about it, but not seriously entertaining the thought.
That's all fine.
Then my mom comes in -while I'm in the bathtub naked-, mind, and she grabs the butterknife, slits her own wrists and bleeds in my bath. What the fuck is that about? What the hell?
Why would I dream that?
God my mind is just -fucked up-.
I keep dreaming false happy memories about my Dad. I dream things that would have happened if he had been a good father. I guess maybe that's like mourning the loss of having a suitable father. Mourning the loss of the possibility of a good father. Or something. But it's annoying me. I don't really have any grudges against him, anymore, but I don't particularly want to mix things up and forget what a lousy person he was, either.
Whatever. It gets creepier. I've been dreaming about my mom too, and not in the same happy way. Get this.
I was in the bathtub, and I have a butter knife. Why a butter knife? I don't know. But I was apparently considering killing myself, but the fact that it was a butter knife, and the fact that I set it down and didn't actually use it indicate that I didn't really feel like it would help me, and the prospect wasn't tempting. That part of the dream is probably just indicating that I'm thinking about it, but not seriously entertaining the thought.
That's all fine.
Then my mom comes in -while I'm in the bathtub naked-, mind, and she grabs the butterknife, slits her own wrists and bleeds in my bath. What the fuck is that about? What the hell?
Why would I dream that?
God my mind is just -fucked up-.