What else should I be

[evalon]

i don't even know what to do here. by the time i got to the bar the attack had already started, and it was just a mess. Yuff was there, and he and Ralph were trying to think of how to get the people out when i came flying in. everything happened so fast after that; we managed to get the humans out, we were trying to work our way through Zane's men

Comments

[evalon]

*smiles a little*

of course i understand, free and clear, remember?

*thinks about her convo with Penn before answering*

yeah, after they removed the bullet. he was in the hall when i came out. he was angry with me, yes, but i don't blame him. he wanted answers and he wanted to know why i didn't call them. and he's right, i should've called when i knew what was going to happen, or asked Yuff or Kat to call everyone that could help. it's what we do when there's trouble and i know that.

*sighs and brings a hand to her temple as if she can rub away the guilt*

but i didn't, i let the tunnel vision take over and i didn't. i apologozed and set him straight on a few things, and we talked after he got done yelling. i think he's...if not happy about it, at least understanding of it now.

[goomba_ralph]

*makin her look up at him*

Hey, you can't take the blame for this. At anytime I coulda told Eric and the rest of them to stay home until I figured this out. And if Penn wanted to yell at someone he shoulda came to me, not you.

[evalon]

*shrugs*

i think i was just the first one he came across, or he would've yelled at you. and i can, because he's right about me not calling. he was upset about Eric, upset that he thought i didn't trust him to be able to help, he had issues with me that were valid.

[goomba_ralph]

*a little upset*

No, they weren't. It wasn't your responsibility to call anyone. And I ain't sure that I like Penn yellin at you when he's actually pissed whith the shit I did.

[evalon]

*frowns, confused some that he seems upset*

yes it was, for as long as i've been here we call when there's a problem. we rely on each other to get through things like this, and i should've called. and i did, i called Yuff and Kat, but i forgot there's more people now that are willing to help and after the apocalypse? it made Penn feel bad that i didn't think he could be trusted or something.

i'd rather have Penn take it out on me than you, it was fine, really. he was upset with us both, he needed to yell at me anyway.

[goomba_ralph]

What do you mean he needed to yell at you anyways?

*looking at her*

And this was solely you job to call people why?

*raisin an eyebrow at her*

If Penns pissed at me Penn should take it out on me. You runnin interferrance or lettin someone take it out on you, is kinda one of those things I was talkin about.

[evalon]

*raises an eyebrow back at him*

because he was upset with me, it made him feel better to get it all out.

and yes, it was my job. i was the one that knew what was going down, it was my responsibility to make sure everyone else knew. what if people had wanted to come to the bar for dinner or something? i just let everyone think there was nothing wrong and they would've walked into a shootout.

*looks at him intensely*

Penn will yell at you when he sees you, i'm sure. i only got it first because he ran into me first. i wasn't actively trying to run interference and i deserved him yelling at me for my part in it.

[goomba_ralph]

Ev, you're missin my point. I knew shit was gonna come to a head sooner or later, I could have asked for help. I was there to for the apocalypse, I know theres certain people I can call about shit goin down. I coulda done a bunch of shit differently. And in the end whether you knew or didn't know? it was my actions, my business that brought this kinda danger into these peoples lives. You ain't got nothin to do with it. You didn't facilitate this at all.

And whatever it is thats makin you feel responsible is pissin me off. Like I said Penn wants to be pissed, he got that right, but he should be goin to the source and that ain't you.

[evalon]

i am not missing your point. yes, you fucked up and people get to yell at you for that. but i think you're missing my point that i did the same thing you did. maybe it wasn't my place to ask for the help, but when it came down to it? i should've said fuck who's place it was and asked anyway.

*gives him an icy look*

and i apologize if my sense of responsibilty pisses you off, but i'm not one of those people that think nothing is my fault and everyone else is to blame for all the shit that happens in my life.

[goomba_ralph]

Theres a difference in takin the blame for shit you can control and the shit you can't. And this is one of those times where you can't take any of the blame. And you did call people, baby. You called Yuffie and Kat. I don't think you bothered to ask me if that was okay, you did it before you even called me. Not that I ain't grateful.

*reachin out and touchin her face*

I ain't mad at you. I'm sorry if it looks that way. I just hate that someone made you feel like you needed to feel responsible for this mess. You did the best you could with the situation you got handed. You ain't got anything to be sorry for.

[evalon]

*clenches her jaw*

i did it because you needed that spell up and i knew Kat needed time to get to the Magic Box, i...it was not an easy decision to make for me to call her first but i needed you safe. i'm sorry, i just took control and did what i felt i had to do.

*closes her eyes for a minute*

i still feel responsible for the things i did or didn't do right. i took responsibility the minute i got involved and read Kurt's mind.

[goomba_ralph]

*lookin at her trying to understand*

I said I was grateful that you called them. I was just pointin out that the whole you shoulda called someone doesn't wash. Cause you did call someone.

[evalon]

*looks at him, realizes he doesn't know what she's talking about and shakes her head, smiles a little*

you did, sorry.

*sighs*

this whole thing is fucked up, you know? so ok, no feeling bad for things that aren't my fault. same goes for you, though.

[goomba_ralph]

*lookin at her concerned*

Ev? What is this about? I got a feelin I'm missin half the story here.