PSA: Spider-Man 3
Note: This is less of a review, and more of a Public Service Announcement. There are spoilers below, but I really feel that you need to know in order to understand.
Friends, I think it is clear that Sam Raimi does not want to make Spider-Man movies anymore. I think we should respect his wishes and not fork over any more money to see this in the theater.
How do I know this? Because Spider-Man 3 is not a Spider-Man movie, but a parody of a Spider-Man movie. Because nothing else but a parody would have not only two musical numbers BUT ALSO a dance number. Only a parody would have dialogue like that which spewed from the mouth of Bernard “I Wish I Was Alfred Pennyworth, But I’m Composed Entirely of Plywood” the Butler. Only a parody would have a transformation to The Dark Side accompanied by emo-hair, eyeliner and enough sashaying down the street to make John Travolta green with envy. Only a parody would let Stan Lee talk on screen for as long as Spider-Man 3 did.
Now there is nothing inherently wrong with a parody. Sam Raimi makes damn good parodies, and I fully admit that I will probably buy Spider-Man 3 to watch while knocking back a number of hard ciders and laughing myself sick. However, it is a question of tone. One does not usually start one’s series with something as meant, if a bit saccharine as Spider-Man, continue it with the cheesier, but still as serious, Spider-Man 2, and then end it with a guy made of sand shedding a single tear (despite the fact that he is MADE OF SAND and would probably lack tear ducts) before melting away into the sunrise.
So, I am asking you, no, pleading with you, to help Sam Raimi. Because if this movie continues to make money hand over fist, he will be forced to make Spider-Man 4. Who knows how far he will go if he is forced to make a movie about someone like Electro, the guy with the starfish-shaped, neon-yellow mask, or Mysterio, who’s wearing a fishbowl on his head for God’s sake. There is only so much he (and I) can take.
Friends, I think it is clear that Sam Raimi does not want to make Spider-Man movies anymore. I think we should respect his wishes and not fork over any more money to see this in the theater.
How do I know this? Because Spider-Man 3 is not a Spider-Man movie, but a parody of a Spider-Man movie. Because nothing else but a parody would have not only two musical numbers BUT ALSO a dance number. Only a parody would have dialogue like that which spewed from the mouth of Bernard “I Wish I Was Alfred Pennyworth, But I’m Composed Entirely of Plywood” the Butler. Only a parody would have a transformation to The Dark Side accompanied by emo-hair, eyeliner and enough sashaying down the street to make John Travolta green with envy. Only a parody would let Stan Lee talk on screen for as long as Spider-Man 3 did.
Now there is nothing inherently wrong with a parody. Sam Raimi makes damn good parodies, and I fully admit that I will probably buy Spider-Man 3 to watch while knocking back a number of hard ciders and laughing myself sick. However, it is a question of tone. One does not usually start one’s series with something as meant, if a bit saccharine as Spider-Man, continue it with the cheesier, but still as serious, Spider-Man 2, and then end it with a guy made of sand shedding a single tear (despite the fact that he is MADE OF SAND and would probably lack tear ducts) before melting away into the sunrise.
So, I am asking you, no, pleading with you, to help Sam Raimi. Because if this movie continues to make money hand over fist, he will be forced to make Spider-Man 4. Who knows how far he will go if he is forced to make a movie about someone like Electro, the guy with the starfish-shaped, neon-yellow mask, or Mysterio, who’s wearing a fishbowl on his head for God’s sake. There is only so much he (and I) can take.