Evil is after me
Maybe it’s because it’s October, but it feels like all the supernatural creatures are out to get me. First it was the Mass Communication Vampires I warned you all about, now it’s an exorcism of common household objects.
You see, my mother’s phone was possessed, and it was time to cast that demon out of the house. We’ve known this phone was trouble for years, but we’ve mostly ignored it because it’s hard to get a good wall-mounted, corded phone these days.
The first signs were rather benign. We’d get these really weird, garbled messages on the answering machine; messages that sounded like another language. We just thought some weirdo was calling us. But then, we started getting even stranger messages. We’d get home; there would be a message on the machine; we’d play it. And the message would be a phone ringing, someone answering it, and then dead silence. Our answering machine was calling complete strangers. Most recently, however, it had started broadcasting static all the time. The speaker would work fine when playing a message, but when it wasn’t in use, there would be a steady static sound of varying volume, like from a TV tuned to an empty station. It was like the freakin’ thing was listening to us.
When I came home over the weekend, I decided it was time to get rid of the thing before my parents started hearing voices in the static. Your reign of terror had gone on too long, demon phone! So, without talking about it in front of the phone (‘cause we couldn’t warn it, you see), Mom and I decided to buy a new phone. (Note: phone buying has gotten way more complicated since the last time I needed one. Seriously, how many extra handsets to people need?) We snuck it into the house and prepared our attack.
It went smoothly, in case you were worried for us. I was partly convinced the phone would give off a high pitched howl when I unplugged it, but I got the demon phone off the wall in a snap, and my mom had the new one up before it could react. Ha! Take that, Forces of Darkness!
Dad was trying to creep us out by saying that wouldn’t it be weird if we came down to breakfast the next morning and the old phone was back on the wall. And I said that this wouldn’t happen because I would make sure to go to bed after him, because that’s the sort of thing he would do himself. (Okay, I admit I totally considered taking the old phone and putting it on the bottom of the staircase, with the handset on the next stair up. But I didn’t do it, because there is no use tempting the Demon Phone gods.)
So, that’s what I did this past weekend.
You see, my mother’s phone was possessed, and it was time to cast that demon out of the house. We’ve known this phone was trouble for years, but we’ve mostly ignored it because it’s hard to get a good wall-mounted, corded phone these days.
The first signs were rather benign. We’d get these really weird, garbled messages on the answering machine; messages that sounded like another language. We just thought some weirdo was calling us. But then, we started getting even stranger messages. We’d get home; there would be a message on the machine; we’d play it. And the message would be a phone ringing, someone answering it, and then dead silence. Our answering machine was calling complete strangers. Most recently, however, it had started broadcasting static all the time. The speaker would work fine when playing a message, but when it wasn’t in use, there would be a steady static sound of varying volume, like from a TV tuned to an empty station. It was like the freakin’ thing was listening to us.
When I came home over the weekend, I decided it was time to get rid of the thing before my parents started hearing voices in the static. Your reign of terror had gone on too long, demon phone! So, without talking about it in front of the phone (‘cause we couldn’t warn it, you see), Mom and I decided to buy a new phone. (Note: phone buying has gotten way more complicated since the last time I needed one. Seriously, how many extra handsets to people need?) We snuck it into the house and prepared our attack.
It went smoothly, in case you were worried for us. I was partly convinced the phone would give off a high pitched howl when I unplugged it, but I got the demon phone off the wall in a snap, and my mom had the new one up before it could react. Ha! Take that, Forces of Darkness!
Dad was trying to creep us out by saying that wouldn’t it be weird if we came down to breakfast the next morning and the old phone was back on the wall. And I said that this wouldn’t happen because I would make sure to go to bed after him, because that’s the sort of thing he would do himself. (Okay, I admit I totally considered taking the old phone and putting it on the bottom of the staircase, with the handset on the next stair up. But I didn’t do it, because there is no use tempting the Demon Phone gods.)
So, that’s what I did this past weekend.