Can't Be Ignored, 6/6. R.
Title: Can't Be Ignored
Series: #12 in Ready For The Siege
(#1 - Look Over Your Shoulder, #2 - Armed Up To The Teeth, #3 - Misery Inspires, #4 - Broken Underneath, #5 - Change Is Coming Soon, #6 - Lick Your Wounds, #7 - Bitter Sparks, #8 - Father's Will, #9 - To Feel Safe Again, #10 - Hit Your Prime, #11 - Open Your Eyes)
Author: Eustacia Vye
Author's e-mail: eustacia_vye28@hotmail.com
Rating: R
Pairing: Loki/Natasha
Disclaimer: Not mine! Some comic backstory is incorporated into characterizations, but this is still primarily movieverse.
Spoilers/Warnings: Post-movie. Read the other stories before this one, because it does refer back to events in them. Additional warning for misogyny (internalized and society-driven) and references to torture.
Title and series title from "The Royal We" by Silversun Pickups
Special thanks to phoenixrising06/
romanovasledger for plotting and characterization discussion. :)
Summary: Rather than wait for a full scale attack to reach Asgard, they decide to make the first strike themselves.
Prior chapters:
One - Fall From Grace
Two - What The Dead Know
Three - Portals
Four - Ready For Battle
Five - For Asgard
Six - Revelations
In the armory, there was a battle raging full tilt between palace guards and a number of Chitauri officers. Fire had spread when a cadet had knocked over a brazier; the cadet hadn't lasted too much longer than that. Chitauri and palace forces had approximately equal numbers, though half of the palace guards fighting were cadets in training. A fair number of them were wounded, though not grievously so. They served as a stark contrast to those fighting who had received enchanted weapons or armor.
There was a tall figure with blue skin, brown hair and blue eyes. He was fighting three Asgardian trainees and holding his own with only a single war hammer. His full battle armor clearly had protected him from most of the sword blows the cadets had landed.
"Ronan," Loki said aloud before he could stop himself.
The blue skinned figure kicked one of the cadets full in the chest, sending him flying. A swing of his hammer - he had called it his universal weapon, Loki remembered-sent another flying away from him. The backswing of the weapon meant its sharp, pointed end impaled the poor cadet in the head. Ronan then changed the arc of his swing so that he could shake off the dead man before turning to look at Loki.
"You." Ronan circled Loki, eyes narrowing slightly. "You will die this day."
"Many have tried," Loki replied. He flashed Ronan a rakish grin, as if the general didn't instill fear across the galaxy. "Obviously, your forces lack the skill necessary."
To Loki's everlasting surprise, Volstagg and Fandral fell into step to fight along with him. "For Asgard," Fandral reminded Loki.
"For Asgard," Volstagg echoed, giving his axe a shake.
For an impossible moment, Loki felt as if all the damage he had done could be undone. It was years ago, before the festering guilt and anger and jealousy had taken root, before he had destroyed everything he held dear. For a moment, he was young and guileless, he belonged and was a vital part of the team.
Loki led the charge against Ronan, shooting him with an energy blast from the Chitauri staff. It bounced off of his armor, striking the roof of the armory and causing some of the stone to chip off. "Repulsive," he said with a curl of his lip.
As Ronan tried to reply, Loki swung the staff and struck his arm. On his left, Fandral began to close in, sword at the ready. On Loki's right, Volstagg rushed in with his axe swinging. The three of them formed a rough triangle around Ronan while the Asgardians remaining circled them all warily. Some even ran from the armory entirely.
"Wait," Loki murmured to Fandral and Volstagg. "Attack together, on three."
"Three," Volstagg replied, going in with his axe again.
Fandral sighed, but backed him up. Loki thrust the bulbous end of the staff at Ronan, striking him in the stomach. Ronan swung his Warhammer; it struck the Chitauri staff and cleaved it in two. Volstagg's axe hit Ronan's arm and Fandral thrust his sword as if he was about to skewer the general. Neither strike did particular damage, though their weapons didn't break. Loki would have liked a weapon that he could summon the way Thor did with Mjolnir. The best he could do was open a portal between into one of his hideaways on Yggdrasil and retrieve one of his spelled weapons. The runes on the blade of his sword lit up as his portal closed, and that drew Ronan's attention.
"You dare to use Words of Power?" he growled, eyes narrowing as he took in Loki's sword.
Loki laughed. "These are nothing. Syllables, not Words. You know nothing of true magic, of the power it can possess."
And then he attacked in earnest.
Loki swung his sword as he moved forward on one side, while Fandral and Volstagg worked to harry Ronan in earnest. He tuned out his surroundings, and only focused on the edge of his blade meeting Ronan's gauntlet. Ronan twisted his wrist and the decorative bumps turned into full-fledged spikes. Ah, a weapon, then. Loki conjured a short sword for his off hand, a smoky blade made of shadow and madness. He had learned of this kind of blade from Amora's rings of power, the frightening whispers unlocking spells he should never have known inside of his mind. Should the blade dive deep enough into Ronan's flesh, the wound would never seal shut. It would bleed and bleed and bleed, ruby lifeblood spilling to the ground if the blade didn't absorb it.
"No, that's impossible," Ronan cried when he saw the shadow blade. He swung a fist at Volstagg's face, who had to duck and skitter backward to avoid the spikes connecting. Fandral tried to step forward and follow Ronan, sword aimed at his gut. Ronan dropped his hammer to catch Fandral's blade between his hands and wrench it sideways. Fandral kept hold of his sword and twisted his wrist, slicing Ronan's bare palms.
Giving the general a feral grin full of sharp teeth, Loki lunged forward with the shadow blade aimed at Ronan's throat. Some distant part of him should have been horrified by his actions, that he would consign Ronan to a torturous death if no one was able to reverse the damage. Yet... Ronan served Thanos and worked to destroy entire worlds. Eliminating Ronan would save countless other planets and the myriad petty lives that lived on them. One death to save billions or trillions. Was that not balance? Was that not a worthy enough sacrifice?
Perhaps his damned ledger wouldn't kill him after all.
Volstagg swung his axe behind Ronan, catching him behind his knees. While Ronan fell from the impact, it also allowed him to retrieve his hammer. He swung it as he tumbled, a move that reminded Loki of Natasha and her ability to use her own body as a counterweight to her fighting movements. Volstagg couldn't get out of the way in time, and the hammer crashed into his left knee with a sickening crunch. The warrior went down screaming, and that alerted Fandral to the danger, allowing him to skip backward.
Working counter to his initial instinct, Loki moved in closer. Both of his blades were in front of him, and Ronan had to abort the swing to move out of the way. Loki kicked out in front of him, the reinforced toe of his boot striking Ronan in the chin. Ignoring Volstagg's guttural cry of pain, Loki continued to follow Ronan's movements, staying right next to the general. That kept him far too close to his usual liking, but he couldn't effectively wield the hammer. Loki couldn't really use his runic sword in close quarters, but Ronan was putting in effort to ensure the shadow blade didn't cut his skin.
Dropping the runic sword, Loki seized upon one of the ornate knives at his waist. Fandral was trying to move in closer, but the wild swing of the Warhammer was preventing him from getting in too close. This was Natasha's way to fight, to get her hands on someone and twist them into knots. It wasn't Fandral's way, wasn't Volstagg's. It hadn't been Loki's way to fight before; he had relied on spells and trickery as much as his speed and chaotic use of weapons. But right now, he was in close and able to bring his knife to Ronan's armor. It didn't pierce the ensorcelled material at all, but it was amusing to see the look of panic on the general's face. He didn't know if Loki was using an ordinary blade or the shadow blade, and Ronan wasn't as good in close quarters as Natasha was. Or as Loki had learned to be from sparring with her.
Moving backward, Ronan actually stumbled over Volstagg's splayed legs. Fandral took advantage of the general's flagging attention and moved in with his sword. He managed to stab Ronan between the armor plates, twisting the sword so that it wasn't a clean slice. That also pried apart the plating a bit, and Loki snarled a seeking spell. It kept the armor opened, giving Ronan a vulnerability he otherwise wouldn't have had.
The opening was on his dominant side, however, and rather than waste time to switch blades between his hands, Loki simply sank his knife into the opening. "For Asgard," he hissed, jerking the blade hard enough that it nearly broke inside of Ronan's body. "You will never seize this realm. Thanos will not win."
"Thanos always gets what he wants," Ronan replied. "Sooner or later."
"Not always," Fandral said, thrusting his sword toward Ronan's head. "He didn't get Midgard and won't get Asgard."
"You can't protect them forever," Ronan sneered, moving backward to get out of Fandral's sword range. Loki closed the gap again and wrenched his knife from Ronan's side to try to stab him again. "My master will come, and you will all die."
"I'm only too happy to bring you with me," Loki hissed.
"Not this time," Ronan replied with a sneer. Before Loki could bring the shadow blade to his face, Ronan pressed a button on his belt. It activated an emergency beacon, and he was removed from the area by a transdimensional teleportation device. Fandral swore and Volstagg cried "The coward flees!"
Loki could only stare at the spot where Ronan had been. He escaped, and Thanos had never arrived in person. Had the other generals gotten away as well? Was all this for nothing?
"Drop your weapons!"
Turning at the sound of that voice, Loki nearly laughed bitterly at the sight of the palace guards pointing their swords at him. His secret was out, then. He had known it was only a matter of time before he was caught and brought to the gallows. He could fight it out or he could submit; submission wasn't in his nature, and he didn't want to make it easy on them. If he made it to a hidden location, he could cast invisibility spell on himself. He could find Natasha, and she would help him hide. Two dozen guards entering the armory with bows laid to rest his thoughts of fighting, however.
"This is a grave mistake," Fandral told them, startling Loki.
"He wasn't the one that injured me," Volstagg said.
Sif and Steve entered the armory, their weapons at the ready. It was surprising that Steve carried a sword. Since when did he use such a thing?
"This can't be good," Steve remarked. Loki bit back the impulse to say something cutting.
"Halt," Sif commanded the guards. "You will not take him prisoner."
"This is a traitor to the realm," the captain of the guards announced in his haughtiest tones. "The order for execution had been issued and will be carried out."
"He is under our command," Sif declared, her glare in Loki's direction clearly telling him not to challenge her words. Loki could see that she was attempting to bluff the captain, and kept his mouth shut. "We will take him to Odin ourselves."
By the time Loki arrived at Odin's throne room, he was accompanied by Thor, Sif, Volstagg leaning heavily on Fandral and Steve, as well as the rest of the Avengers and the Asgardian warriors that had been under their command. Odin sat on his throne, expression impassive and gaze landing heavily on Loki. He allowed each of them in turn to speak their piece.
"You knew the penalty to return here was death," Odin said finally.
"I had no choice," Loki responded. "Thanos and his generals were set to destroy Asgard. I could not allow that to happen."
"Because you wanted to take this realm for yourself."
Loki couldn't help but snarl at Odin, eyes flashing with anger. "Because there are people here that actually have faith in your broken promises, and they don't deserve to die because of your arrogance!" he snapped. If he was set to die, there was no point in holding back. "The Chitauri sent ahead scouts to kill jarls and karls alike to sow unrest, which you willfully ignored. Healers were slaughtered, innocents were tortured and not once did you seek to uncover the true cause of the treachery. It was easier to blame it on karls, to keep your minions satisfied." Now Loki curled his lip in derision. "You were willfully blind to the plight of the people."
"The people? You don't care about the people."
"Not as a group," Loki admitted. "But individually. Those matter. Individuals aren't fools."
"No, they are not," Odin replied, eying everyone assembled in front of him suspiciously. Most stared back at him without flinching. "And yet..."
"He did not have to return to aid us," Thor said, looking at his father earnestly. "He knew the price of being here would be death, yet came anyway. Loki valued the welfare of this realm over that of his own life."
"This is difficult to believe."
"He introduces himself as Loki of Asgard," Natasha announced, voice ringing clear through the hall. Odin looked at her, mouth pinched in displeasure. "This isn't the first time he has tried to stop someone from harming this realm. Loki makes plenty of questionable decisions, but that doesn't mean he wants to see Asgard destroyed. He still sees Asgard as home, as the place he should defend." She raised her hands in a placating gesture when Odin looked almost angry, lips parted to speak. "He's a twisted bundle of contradictions, but that's how he sees it. This is home, and he can't rule it, but that doesn't mean he'd stand by and let someone else destroy it."
Loki glared at Natasha, who looked at him blithely and merely shrugged. "You don't like how it sounds, but that's still true."
"While here," Fandral began quietly, "not once did Loki run from battle. In fact, there were those of the royal guard that turned tail and ran from battle. Loki charged forward, within range of weapons, heedless of the personal cost it would take. There was much bravery in battle."
"Aye," Volstagg sighed, looking at Loki with a pinched expression. "I was wrong to have doubted his loyalty and courage. I doubted him at every turn, sure he would do harm under the guise of aid. Yet not once did he play us false." The words sounded as though they were dragged reluctantly from him.
"I believe, Father," Thor said in his same earnest tone, "that his sojourn on Midgard changed him, just as my time there had changed me." He swept an arm in the direction of the Avengers and beamed at them. "He no longer spurns those who would aid him, those who would be friends if he allows it."
"Is this fact?" Odin asked, looking at the Avengers sternly.
"Well, he worked with us to study magic," Tony said, the gravity of the situation curbing his usual sarcasm and irreverence. "Not exactly graciously, but he was pretty honest about his perceptions of doing it. I think Bruce and I were able to get a handle on how some spells work and how to track it."
"Track it," Odin echoed.
Bruce had calmed from his Hulk form, and one of the Asgardian warriors that had been in his contingent had given him a cloak and belt to preserve his modesty before the King. He nodded at Odin and gave him an apologetic smile. "There's low level gamma radiation produced with magic or magical artifacts. Within that signal are very subtle variations, based on the caster of the spell. There isn't any variation based on the kind of spell, if it's seidr or spá or runic in nature as far as we can tell. So it's basically a signature that-"
"Thank you," Odin interrupted, not unkindly.
"Loki came with me to soup kitchens and homeless shelters where I volunteer," Steve offered. All heads swiveled to stare at him except for Loki, who stared at a fixed spot over Odin's head, his jaw clenched.
"Indeed?" Thor asked, sounding delighted.
"Not Loki's favorite activity, but he did it. I go two or three times a week if I can, and he went with me every time. And the other days, I usually go to the VA-the Veteran's Association," he added for the Asgardians' benefit. "I've got some friends there, working with trauma patients or the support groups. Loki came with me there, too, saw first-hand what happens to soldiers on our world. He never once complained about any of the time at the VA."
Odin looked to Clint, who took a moment to realize he was expected to speak next. "Hey, don't look at me. I kept out of Loki's way, and he did the same. Mind control and all that shit, I didn't want to really be reminded of that." He shrugged and then scratched at the back of his head a little self-consciously. "But when we did talk, he didn't gloat or anything. Just was kind of quiet and lost, really."
Loki wanted to growl at them all, to say they were petty mortals with petty problems. That he had been bored and had nothing else better to do. But they were helping him, he could see that much, and knew they didn't have to. They could have thrown him to the wolves. They could have lied and let Odin hang him.
But just like Natasha, they were being just. They were being fair in their assessments of him. They were giving him a second chance.
The silence after Clint's pronouncement weighed heavily, and Loki wanted to scream or break something just to make it end.
"In light of such testimony," Odin finally began ponderously, "Loki's death sentence is commuted to banishment for a thousand years, at which time his behavior would be evaluated." His gaze landed on Loki again, heavy and uncomfortable. This was the man he had thought of as his father until several years ago. Some part of him would always think of Odin as his father, even as he rebelled against it.
"I hope that you take this opportunity seriously," Odin said when Loki remained silent. "And someday, you will come to understand the decisions made here. Just as Thor did."
Loki bristled, but kept his lips shut as if they were stitched closed. He didn't want to give Odin the satisfaction of an answer, especially when he wasn't sure he could keep his tone level or sounding arrogant. He felt broken and shredded, just as lost as Clint had pronounced him to be, and would never want Odin to see it. He would rather Odin interpret his silence as haughtiness and overconfidence. He would rather appear strong in any sense of the word than the weak creature he felt himself to be.
As Odin made arrangements with the palace guard, Loki tried not to chafe under the idea of being bound then banished. It was no different than exile on pain of death, but this felt so much worse. Perhaps because it was no longer his choice.
"You will go to Midgard in three days' time for the holmgang, of course," Loki told Volstagg before he was brought to the palace's Healing Hall.
Volstagg scowled when the Healer's apprentice that fetched him blanched. "But the wound may not be fully healed in that time!" she cried. "You shouldn't have walked, even with assistance. The damage may be too great."
Knowing he appeared to be a heel, Loki merely grinned at Volstagg. "If you're not there, you forfeit and are the coward."
"Let your vile tongue be still!" Volstagg hissed.
Steve actually poked Loki on the arm with a disapproving expression on his face. "Whatever this holmgang is, it sounds like a big deal. Stop being an ass about it." He then turned the same expression to Volstagg, surprisingly enough. "And you need to keep your own mouth shut and follow the directions of your Healer. I can tell that you're a horrible patient. Promise me you won't do anything stupid during your recovery."
If the Avengers didn't exactly smother their laughter, Loki didn't mind. They were simply laughing for him. From what he remembered, Steve was correct anyway. Volstagg had always been an unruly patient, much like Thor. Fandral had been far more tractable, if only so he could flirt with the Healers during sponge baths. Loki and Sif had suffered through the ministrations impatiently, if only so they could return to battle.
Natasha suggested that Loki be allowed a moment to say goodbye to Frigga if Odin was amenable to such things. That of course maneuvered him into allowing it, if only so court members could comment on his magnanimous nature. Crafty woman. Loki wasn't sure if he actually wanted to see Frigga-their last meeting had been so bitter, after all-but he wasn't given the option to refuse. Under escort of Fandral and Thor, his hands bound and sword remanded to Sif's care, Loki was brought to Frigga's sitting room. Though he was likely supposed to be accompanied at all times, they let him enter the room alone so that they could rejoin Odin, who was calling an emergency council meeting.
Frigga looked up from the tome she had been reading. Loki could see it was a text regarding the spá; it seemed as though she was constantly reading of such things. Was she hoping to change his fate? It had to be far too late for such nonsense.
"Loki." The hopeful look on her face changed to that of despair as soon as she saw his bound hands. "Oh, no..."
"I'm not bound for the gallows," Loki told her quietly. "This is farewell before I am banished for a thousand years."
"Thank the Norns," Frigga replied, putting aside the text as she stood. Her fond smile was almost painful to look at. "So there is hope yet that you may return."
"Should Odin see fit to allow it," Loki told her stiffly.
"Do you still deny Odin as your father?"
"He is King," Loki replied. His voice at least didn't reflect the pain he felt. "He does what he feels serves the Realm."
"Loki. We all did what we thought was best..."
"It wasn't best! I was alone here, always different. Your lies didn't change that. They reviled me behind my back, Mother, yet greeted me through lying teeth. I was not wanted unless I could be used."
Frigga cupped his face in her hands. "For the seidr, not your Jotun nature. You never knew you were different in form. That was never a source of pain."
"I had enough others."
She clucked her tongue in a chiding manner. "Would you condemn us for the rest of eternity?"
Of course. I am broken. But instead of saying the words aloud, Loki remained silent, staring at her sullenly.
"I suppose I should be grateful for that, however," Frigga murmured. "For at least you live."
"I am reviled-"
"Your choices play a role in that, Loki," Frigga replied, steel beneath her voice. She grasped his arm, and Loki could feel the pull of powerful magicks in her touch.
"You condemned me with your choices as well," Loki said, throat closing due to grief. He wanted Frigga to hold him and tell him everything would sort itself out. He wanted her to approve of his relationship with Natasha, however twisted and unnatural that it was. He wanted to be told that he wasn't an abject failure, wasn't an aberration, wasn't a monster. But he knew he was, inside and out, and she would never lie about that.
She moved her hand from his arm to his face. "We all are condemned by our choices, Loki. The real question is if we are able to move on from them." Her fingers trailed gently down his cheek, and her touch burned. "I hope you can find peace."
"How can there be peace?" Loki all but snarled, keeping himself unnaturally still so that he didn't simply throw himself into her arms. "I'm a monster."
"Even monsters have friends. Even monsters have redemption."
"I cannot be redeemed."
"I do not believe that. Natasha doesn't believe that. Her friends even believe there is something worthy in you. Otherwise they would not defend you so."
He didn't deserve any of it. He knew this as fact, yet he was offered chance after chance after chance. They kept saying he could choose differently.
But could he really, if this was all he knew?
Frigga pulled him close and pressed a kiss to his forehead, then both cheeks. "Stay safe," she cautioned him. "There are still hidden dangers on Midgard."
Loki was touched even as he didn't want to be. He dipped his head slightly in a bow, and then found himself swept up in her arms. While he was stiff initially, he finally swallowed his pride and gripped her tight. If there were tears, neither mentioned them.
A thousand years. That was going to be a very long time, indeed.
***
Further goodbyes and arrangements were being made, but Thor's presence was requested first in Odin's conference room. Natasha tagged along, and blithely ignored the startled looks of Odin's economic advisors and war council. She was still Ambassador, and Thor thought she could contribute practical wisdom to the discussion regarding rebuilding Asgard.
"The others will be sent back to Midgard," Natasha said in matter of fact tones. "They can keep an eye on Loki while the rebuilding takes place here."
"Rebuilding," Odin echoed blankly.
"You're merely an ambassador," Einarr said in haughty tones.
"And yet I'm the one to point out the obvious," Natasha replied, an edge to her voice. "Some of the devastation on Asgard left many estates without jarls to run them, or others without karls to work them. Some higher jarls were killed as well. You're looking at a power vacuum."
Einarr looked as though he had tasted something particularly foul, but remained silent. He was one of Odin's economic advisors, after all, along with Hrodvaldr and Sigsteinn. They were supposed to know all the details regarding the internal economy of Asgard, yet hadn't been able to anticipate what the damage would do here.
"What do you suggest, Natasha?" Thor asked, appearing genuinely interested. It was the reason he had asked her to be present, after all. She was starting to appreciate how his mind worked, and gave him a gracious smile.
"The ones that know what estates need are the ones that live there. That means both jarls and karls." She ignored the shock and outrage of the economic advisors and kept her gaze on Odin and Thor. "On Midgard, a lot of countries have a representational system to get the people's voice heard. They elect a representative to speak for them. They would use different names, depending on the country. But creating a parliamentary system would help advise all of you on what was necessary for the rebuilding. It would also prevent future unrest if the karls felt that their concerns were heard."
"This is ridiculous!" Hrodvaldr boomed. "They are karls, and know nothing. They should not have a place in rule."
Sigsteinn agreed enthusiastically, as did Einarr. "Jarls have always shown the way to live on Asgard. Karls are rabble. They are dirty and ignorant and common."
Natasha ignored them. "Women also have a hand in running a lot of things on Asgard, though the men try to ignore that fact and isolate them. Or beat them," she added darkly, thinking of how she had last seen Gilla.
Hrodvaldr scoffed. "Women have a place on Asgard, and that is to serve men's needs, bear the children and keep to the home. They cannot rule."
"You think Frigga incapable? Or Sif? Or any Valkyrie?" Natasha asked, voice low and dangerous. "You think the women of Asgard wouldn't defend themselves or whatever they feel is important?" She took one of the knives Maeginbiorn had made for her and whipped it across the room, slicing through Hrodvaldr's robes and hitting the wall solidly. Everyone leapt to their feet and started shouting. "Try to do better than that if you think women are useless in this process," she challenged, retrieving another blade. She held it by the tang, hilt extended toward Hrodvaldr in an almost mocking manner.
He had to accept or lose face against her challenge, yet everyone in the room knew that he wouldn't be able to throw the knife with any accuracy.
"Come now," he tried to say placatingly, hand extended.
Without taking her eyes away from his face, Natasha threw the knife, still holding the blade. It landed right next to her other one. "I have another for you to try."
"Enough," Odin snapped impatiently.
"It is a system that works well on Midgard," Thor told them all as he went to the wall to retrieve the knives for Natasha. "Women hold many roles there: healer, teacher, historian, entertainer, organizer, farmer, crafter, fighter, leader, ruler."
Natasha nodded her thanks at Thor and replaced her knives. "Women are far more capable than you give them credit for, even here."
"A true lady would not wish for such a thing," Sigsteinn huffed.
"A true lady would want the choice to be hers," Natasha said sweetly, steel beneath her tone.
"My travels on Midgard acquainted me with many kinds of people. Some women had no wish to rule. Just as some men did not," Thor said, shrugging. "The choice indeed was theirs. I suppose the same would be said of our people. Not all would want to rule, whether jarl or karl, male or female." He turned to Odin, a hopeful expression on his face. "What say you, Father?"
Odin sighed, neatly trapped between different expectations. "A compromise can be reached," he said finally. "Asgard is not Midgard. Not all of their customs would suit us," he added, which rather sounded like hedging to Natasha.
"Adapt the concept to your needs," Natasha said matter of factly, voice flat. "Each district should be able to choose someone that would be able to help advise your council about their needs. It cuts down on guesswork on your part, extends the view to the people that you care about their wellbeing and shows off your good will."
Though he was clearly irritated by Natasha's suggestion, Odin could still see the merit in it. Thor was also so enthusiastic about it that Odin would appear to be an uncaring boor if he refused to even entertain the idea.
"This system is unheard of on Asgard. Myriad details would have to be considered..."
"I can tell you about the differences in Midgardian customs," Natasha offered. "Pick the parts that would work best for Asgard."
There was no artifice on Natasha's part, though Odin obviously wished that there was. She spoke at length about representative governments, glaring at any advisor that sought to belittle her report. Thor agreed that women should be included in the project, much to the advisors' visible consternation. He was irritated with them, and finally snapped "They bear and raise our children. They safeguard our homes and our souls. They heal us, teach us, craft spells for our wellbeing and care. Asgard is their home as much as ours, and they shape who we are. They deserve as much consideration as we do."
"Well said," Natasha said with a smile. "Including them isn't the issue, I don't think. Why don't we figure out how often to make the elections?"
***
With internal politics more or less arranged, Natasha began to make her farewells. Her friends were starting to return to Earth, though of course Jane would be the last to leave. She had too many things she wanted to study with Ketilve while she had the chance to access the library, and she didn't want to give up the opportunity to spend time with Thor. While much of Asgard had to be rebuilt, a larger part of it remained untouched by the Chitauri. Thor and Jane often went on tours of Asgard, which also allowed Thor to observe how the reconstruction was proceeding. As Natasha expected, the higher jarls were vocally opposed to changing the status quo, while lesser jarls were indifferent and karls were cautiously excited.
Bera was sorry that Natasha would be returning to Earth but wasn't very surprised, either. "If you change too many things here, people get unhappy. And you made a lot of people unhappy, Lady Natasha," she said, a smile on her face. "Lucky for you, I'm not one of them."
Natasha had laughed along with her, given her hugs and advised her to keep up with her self-defense studies. Bera helped her pack all of her belongings, and even Lara's abandoned wardrobe of dresses and robes. Just in case.
Loki had a very small window of opportunity before he had to leave Asgard, and he preferred to spend it at Natasha's side. Heimdall was aware of this, and gravely told Loki that there were three more hours before he would be considered in violation of his banishment terms. Natasha had immediately headed for Gilla's home. Saying farewell to Sif and Fandral would take much less time than that.
Gilla was pleased to see her, and actually grasped her in a tight hug, burying her face in the crook of Natasha's neck. "Oh. I had worried after you so much. Between the deaths on the estate, the fires and smoke and explosions... I knew you would be in the thick of it, and I've heard how you've been involved with stopping the leaders of the invasion."
Thanos' generals had been questioned and imprisoned in enchanted cells beneath the palace. She hadn't asked if they were tortured, it wasn't her business.
"I'm here now to say goodbye. They're letting me return to Earth."
"Do they know about... that day? Here? When you came in and... And then with the fire?" Gilla asked, voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper.
"No, they don't. I'm sorry you had to see that," Natasha began slowly, seeing the concern on Gilla's face. "I couldn't stand there and see him hurting you like that."
Gilla gave her a soft, sad smile. "I understood. And when you arranged everything afterward while I was too distraught to speak with Feinborn..."
"This is your life, Gilla," Natasha said softly, extending her arms to take in the estate around them. "I couldn't let him take it from you, not when you appreciate it more than he did. And I couldn't let you suffer from my actions."
Reaching out to grasp one of Natasha's hands, Gilla nodded. "That's the sort of thing you do on your realm, isn't it?" Natasha nodded solemnly. "You're a warrior as well as a woman, as well as an Ambassador."
"Sometimes the things I have to do aren't very nice, but they have to be done to protect others."
"And now they're sending you away."
Natasha gave her a wry smile. "There are easier ways to travel between our realms now, and communicate if we need to. But honestly, I may have caused too much trouble."
Gilla smiled in answer, her hand tightening around Natasha's. "Not for me."
"I'm glad you're safe," Natasha murmured, meaning it.
"As a widow, I have more freedom. I can make decisions, not be doubted as much." Her expression grew troubled. "Konrad is still missing. I can't help but wonder if Falki knew, and that's why he was so violent that day."
Natasha wasn't about to tell her the truth about Konrad, so she simply smiled sadly at Gilla. "I'm sorry. I know you loved him, and he loved you."
"There won't be others like him. Or you." Her expression grew shy, and she dropped her eyes. "I would not be so bold as to find another companion, so I will treasure the memories I have of our time together."
"It's all right to like both." She leaned in and kissed the corner of Gilla's mouth gently. "Whatever happens, I want you to be happy. If that includes a partner, then that's great. You'll find someone when you least expect it," Natasha told her, hoping the platitude would be helpful for her to hear.
Gilla pulled her in for a tight hug. "That is a truth," she agreed, pressing a kiss to Natasha's cheek, right in front of her ear. "I will remember you and your strength. If I have even a fraction of it within me, the estate will flourish under my care."
"It's been flourishing so far," Natasha reminded her. "And you've more than a fraction, if you look hard enough."
That got her a little flustered in a pleased sort of way, and the moment between them passed. She would be fine, Natasha knew, but she still sighed as she left Gilla's estate. An invisible shadow fell into step beside her. "You were infinitely kind to her," Loki murmured.
"At least one person here thinks kindly of me."
"More than one," Loki corrected quietly. "What you have done here certainly brings some balance to your ledger." Natasha felt his fingers slide down her arm in a comforting gesture. "You have saved many innocents here."
Natasha finally allowed herself a smile. "Yeah, I suppose it's worked out all right." She glanced out of the corner of her eye, the slight displacement and shimmer of air the only clue where Loki was beside her. "You have some black in your ledger now, too."
"It's a far cry from balance."
"You have time. And a thousand years isn't all that long for your kind."
There was a hitch in Loki's step at that. "But it is far too long for yours. Even a hundred years is too long a time, but not enough."
"Better make the most of the time available, then."
Loki made a noncommittal noise that sounded like he was in agreement. There was nothing left to do on Asgard but pack and head to the Observatory. The realm would settle into a new equilibrium soon enough, then remain unchanged for several millennia. Earth, in the meantime, continued to change all the time. Natasha was already needed there, and Loki had already promised to protect her.
Vacation over. Time to get back to her day job.
The End
Series: #12 in Ready For The Siege
(#1 - Look Over Your Shoulder, #2 - Armed Up To The Teeth, #3 - Misery Inspires, #4 - Broken Underneath, #5 - Change Is Coming Soon, #6 - Lick Your Wounds, #7 - Bitter Sparks, #8 - Father's Will, #9 - To Feel Safe Again, #10 - Hit Your Prime, #11 - Open Your Eyes)
Author: Eustacia Vye
Author's e-mail: eustacia_vye28@hotmail.com
Rating: R
Pairing: Loki/Natasha
Disclaimer: Not mine! Some comic backstory is incorporated into characterizations, but this is still primarily movieverse.
Spoilers/Warnings: Post-movie. Read the other stories before this one, because it does refer back to events in them. Additional warning for misogyny (internalized and society-driven) and references to torture.
Title and series title from "The Royal We" by Silversun Pickups
Special thanks to phoenixrising06/
romanovasledger for plotting and characterization discussion. :)
Summary: Rather than wait for a full scale attack to reach Asgard, they decide to make the first strike themselves.
Prior chapters:
One - Fall From Grace
Two - What The Dead Know
Three - Portals
Four - Ready For Battle
Five - For Asgard
Six - Revelations
In the armory, there was a battle raging full tilt between palace guards and a number of Chitauri officers. Fire had spread when a cadet had knocked over a brazier; the cadet hadn't lasted too much longer than that. Chitauri and palace forces had approximately equal numbers, though half of the palace guards fighting were cadets in training. A fair number of them were wounded, though not grievously so. They served as a stark contrast to those fighting who had received enchanted weapons or armor.
There was a tall figure with blue skin, brown hair and blue eyes. He was fighting three Asgardian trainees and holding his own with only a single war hammer. His full battle armor clearly had protected him from most of the sword blows the cadets had landed.
"Ronan," Loki said aloud before he could stop himself.
The blue skinned figure kicked one of the cadets full in the chest, sending him flying. A swing of his hammer - he had called it his universal weapon, Loki remembered-sent another flying away from him. The backswing of the weapon meant its sharp, pointed end impaled the poor cadet in the head. Ronan then changed the arc of his swing so that he could shake off the dead man before turning to look at Loki.
"You." Ronan circled Loki, eyes narrowing slightly. "You will die this day."
"Many have tried," Loki replied. He flashed Ronan a rakish grin, as if the general didn't instill fear across the galaxy. "Obviously, your forces lack the skill necessary."
To Loki's everlasting surprise, Volstagg and Fandral fell into step to fight along with him. "For Asgard," Fandral reminded Loki.
"For Asgard," Volstagg echoed, giving his axe a shake.
For an impossible moment, Loki felt as if all the damage he had done could be undone. It was years ago, before the festering guilt and anger and jealousy had taken root, before he had destroyed everything he held dear. For a moment, he was young and guileless, he belonged and was a vital part of the team.
Loki led the charge against Ronan, shooting him with an energy blast from the Chitauri staff. It bounced off of his armor, striking the roof of the armory and causing some of the stone to chip off. "Repulsive," he said with a curl of his lip.
As Ronan tried to reply, Loki swung the staff and struck his arm. On his left, Fandral began to close in, sword at the ready. On Loki's right, Volstagg rushed in with his axe swinging. The three of them formed a rough triangle around Ronan while the Asgardians remaining circled them all warily. Some even ran from the armory entirely.
"Wait," Loki murmured to Fandral and Volstagg. "Attack together, on three."
"Three," Volstagg replied, going in with his axe again.
Fandral sighed, but backed him up. Loki thrust the bulbous end of the staff at Ronan, striking him in the stomach. Ronan swung his Warhammer; it struck the Chitauri staff and cleaved it in two. Volstagg's axe hit Ronan's arm and Fandral thrust his sword as if he was about to skewer the general. Neither strike did particular damage, though their weapons didn't break. Loki would have liked a weapon that he could summon the way Thor did with Mjolnir. The best he could do was open a portal between into one of his hideaways on Yggdrasil and retrieve one of his spelled weapons. The runes on the blade of his sword lit up as his portal closed, and that drew Ronan's attention.
"You dare to use Words of Power?" he growled, eyes narrowing as he took in Loki's sword.
Loki laughed. "These are nothing. Syllables, not Words. You know nothing of true magic, of the power it can possess."
And then he attacked in earnest.
Loki swung his sword as he moved forward on one side, while Fandral and Volstagg worked to harry Ronan in earnest. He tuned out his surroundings, and only focused on the edge of his blade meeting Ronan's gauntlet. Ronan twisted his wrist and the decorative bumps turned into full-fledged spikes. Ah, a weapon, then. Loki conjured a short sword for his off hand, a smoky blade made of shadow and madness. He had learned of this kind of blade from Amora's rings of power, the frightening whispers unlocking spells he should never have known inside of his mind. Should the blade dive deep enough into Ronan's flesh, the wound would never seal shut. It would bleed and bleed and bleed, ruby lifeblood spilling to the ground if the blade didn't absorb it.
"No, that's impossible," Ronan cried when he saw the shadow blade. He swung a fist at Volstagg's face, who had to duck and skitter backward to avoid the spikes connecting. Fandral tried to step forward and follow Ronan, sword aimed at his gut. Ronan dropped his hammer to catch Fandral's blade between his hands and wrench it sideways. Fandral kept hold of his sword and twisted his wrist, slicing Ronan's bare palms.
Giving the general a feral grin full of sharp teeth, Loki lunged forward with the shadow blade aimed at Ronan's throat. Some distant part of him should have been horrified by his actions, that he would consign Ronan to a torturous death if no one was able to reverse the damage. Yet... Ronan served Thanos and worked to destroy entire worlds. Eliminating Ronan would save countless other planets and the myriad petty lives that lived on them. One death to save billions or trillions. Was that not balance? Was that not a worthy enough sacrifice?
Perhaps his damned ledger wouldn't kill him after all.
Volstagg swung his axe behind Ronan, catching him behind his knees. While Ronan fell from the impact, it also allowed him to retrieve his hammer. He swung it as he tumbled, a move that reminded Loki of Natasha and her ability to use her own body as a counterweight to her fighting movements. Volstagg couldn't get out of the way in time, and the hammer crashed into his left knee with a sickening crunch. The warrior went down screaming, and that alerted Fandral to the danger, allowing him to skip backward.
Working counter to his initial instinct, Loki moved in closer. Both of his blades were in front of him, and Ronan had to abort the swing to move out of the way. Loki kicked out in front of him, the reinforced toe of his boot striking Ronan in the chin. Ignoring Volstagg's guttural cry of pain, Loki continued to follow Ronan's movements, staying right next to the general. That kept him far too close to his usual liking, but he couldn't effectively wield the hammer. Loki couldn't really use his runic sword in close quarters, but Ronan was putting in effort to ensure the shadow blade didn't cut his skin.
Dropping the runic sword, Loki seized upon one of the ornate knives at his waist. Fandral was trying to move in closer, but the wild swing of the Warhammer was preventing him from getting in too close. This was Natasha's way to fight, to get her hands on someone and twist them into knots. It wasn't Fandral's way, wasn't Volstagg's. It hadn't been Loki's way to fight before; he had relied on spells and trickery as much as his speed and chaotic use of weapons. But right now, he was in close and able to bring his knife to Ronan's armor. It didn't pierce the ensorcelled material at all, but it was amusing to see the look of panic on the general's face. He didn't know if Loki was using an ordinary blade or the shadow blade, and Ronan wasn't as good in close quarters as Natasha was. Or as Loki had learned to be from sparring with her.
Moving backward, Ronan actually stumbled over Volstagg's splayed legs. Fandral took advantage of the general's flagging attention and moved in with his sword. He managed to stab Ronan between the armor plates, twisting the sword so that it wasn't a clean slice. That also pried apart the plating a bit, and Loki snarled a seeking spell. It kept the armor opened, giving Ronan a vulnerability he otherwise wouldn't have had.
The opening was on his dominant side, however, and rather than waste time to switch blades between his hands, Loki simply sank his knife into the opening. "For Asgard," he hissed, jerking the blade hard enough that it nearly broke inside of Ronan's body. "You will never seize this realm. Thanos will not win."
"Thanos always gets what he wants," Ronan replied. "Sooner or later."
"Not always," Fandral said, thrusting his sword toward Ronan's head. "He didn't get Midgard and won't get Asgard."
"You can't protect them forever," Ronan sneered, moving backward to get out of Fandral's sword range. Loki closed the gap again and wrenched his knife from Ronan's side to try to stab him again. "My master will come, and you will all die."
"I'm only too happy to bring you with me," Loki hissed.
"Not this time," Ronan replied with a sneer. Before Loki could bring the shadow blade to his face, Ronan pressed a button on his belt. It activated an emergency beacon, and he was removed from the area by a transdimensional teleportation device. Fandral swore and Volstagg cried "The coward flees!"
Loki could only stare at the spot where Ronan had been. He escaped, and Thanos had never arrived in person. Had the other generals gotten away as well? Was all this for nothing?
"Drop your weapons!"
Turning at the sound of that voice, Loki nearly laughed bitterly at the sight of the palace guards pointing their swords at him. His secret was out, then. He had known it was only a matter of time before he was caught and brought to the gallows. He could fight it out or he could submit; submission wasn't in his nature, and he didn't want to make it easy on them. If he made it to a hidden location, he could cast invisibility spell on himself. He could find Natasha, and she would help him hide. Two dozen guards entering the armory with bows laid to rest his thoughts of fighting, however.
"This is a grave mistake," Fandral told them, startling Loki.
"He wasn't the one that injured me," Volstagg said.
Sif and Steve entered the armory, their weapons at the ready. It was surprising that Steve carried a sword. Since when did he use such a thing?
"This can't be good," Steve remarked. Loki bit back the impulse to say something cutting.
"Halt," Sif commanded the guards. "You will not take him prisoner."
"This is a traitor to the realm," the captain of the guards announced in his haughtiest tones. "The order for execution had been issued and will be carried out."
"He is under our command," Sif declared, her glare in Loki's direction clearly telling him not to challenge her words. Loki could see that she was attempting to bluff the captain, and kept his mouth shut. "We will take him to Odin ourselves."
By the time Loki arrived at Odin's throne room, he was accompanied by Thor, Sif, Volstagg leaning heavily on Fandral and Steve, as well as the rest of the Avengers and the Asgardian warriors that had been under their command. Odin sat on his throne, expression impassive and gaze landing heavily on Loki. He allowed each of them in turn to speak their piece.
"You knew the penalty to return here was death," Odin said finally.
"I had no choice," Loki responded. "Thanos and his generals were set to destroy Asgard. I could not allow that to happen."
"Because you wanted to take this realm for yourself."
Loki couldn't help but snarl at Odin, eyes flashing with anger. "Because there are people here that actually have faith in your broken promises, and they don't deserve to die because of your arrogance!" he snapped. If he was set to die, there was no point in holding back. "The Chitauri sent ahead scouts to kill jarls and karls alike to sow unrest, which you willfully ignored. Healers were slaughtered, innocents were tortured and not once did you seek to uncover the true cause of the treachery. It was easier to blame it on karls, to keep your minions satisfied." Now Loki curled his lip in derision. "You were willfully blind to the plight of the people."
"The people? You don't care about the people."
"Not as a group," Loki admitted. "But individually. Those matter. Individuals aren't fools."
"No, they are not," Odin replied, eying everyone assembled in front of him suspiciously. Most stared back at him without flinching. "And yet..."
"He did not have to return to aid us," Thor said, looking at his father earnestly. "He knew the price of being here would be death, yet came anyway. Loki valued the welfare of this realm over that of his own life."
"This is difficult to believe."
"He introduces himself as Loki of Asgard," Natasha announced, voice ringing clear through the hall. Odin looked at her, mouth pinched in displeasure. "This isn't the first time he has tried to stop someone from harming this realm. Loki makes plenty of questionable decisions, but that doesn't mean he wants to see Asgard destroyed. He still sees Asgard as home, as the place he should defend." She raised her hands in a placating gesture when Odin looked almost angry, lips parted to speak. "He's a twisted bundle of contradictions, but that's how he sees it. This is home, and he can't rule it, but that doesn't mean he'd stand by and let someone else destroy it."
Loki glared at Natasha, who looked at him blithely and merely shrugged. "You don't like how it sounds, but that's still true."
"While here," Fandral began quietly, "not once did Loki run from battle. In fact, there were those of the royal guard that turned tail and ran from battle. Loki charged forward, within range of weapons, heedless of the personal cost it would take. There was much bravery in battle."
"Aye," Volstagg sighed, looking at Loki with a pinched expression. "I was wrong to have doubted his loyalty and courage. I doubted him at every turn, sure he would do harm under the guise of aid. Yet not once did he play us false." The words sounded as though they were dragged reluctantly from him.
"I believe, Father," Thor said in his same earnest tone, "that his sojourn on Midgard changed him, just as my time there had changed me." He swept an arm in the direction of the Avengers and beamed at them. "He no longer spurns those who would aid him, those who would be friends if he allows it."
"Is this fact?" Odin asked, looking at the Avengers sternly.
"Well, he worked with us to study magic," Tony said, the gravity of the situation curbing his usual sarcasm and irreverence. "Not exactly graciously, but he was pretty honest about his perceptions of doing it. I think Bruce and I were able to get a handle on how some spells work and how to track it."
"Track it," Odin echoed.
Bruce had calmed from his Hulk form, and one of the Asgardian warriors that had been in his contingent had given him a cloak and belt to preserve his modesty before the King. He nodded at Odin and gave him an apologetic smile. "There's low level gamma radiation produced with magic or magical artifacts. Within that signal are very subtle variations, based on the caster of the spell. There isn't any variation based on the kind of spell, if it's seidr or spá or runic in nature as far as we can tell. So it's basically a signature that-"
"Thank you," Odin interrupted, not unkindly.
"Loki came with me to soup kitchens and homeless shelters where I volunteer," Steve offered. All heads swiveled to stare at him except for Loki, who stared at a fixed spot over Odin's head, his jaw clenched.
"Indeed?" Thor asked, sounding delighted.
"Not Loki's favorite activity, but he did it. I go two or three times a week if I can, and he went with me every time. And the other days, I usually go to the VA-the Veteran's Association," he added for the Asgardians' benefit. "I've got some friends there, working with trauma patients or the support groups. Loki came with me there, too, saw first-hand what happens to soldiers on our world. He never once complained about any of the time at the VA."
Odin looked to Clint, who took a moment to realize he was expected to speak next. "Hey, don't look at me. I kept out of Loki's way, and he did the same. Mind control and all that shit, I didn't want to really be reminded of that." He shrugged and then scratched at the back of his head a little self-consciously. "But when we did talk, he didn't gloat or anything. Just was kind of quiet and lost, really."
Loki wanted to growl at them all, to say they were petty mortals with petty problems. That he had been bored and had nothing else better to do. But they were helping him, he could see that much, and knew they didn't have to. They could have thrown him to the wolves. They could have lied and let Odin hang him.
But just like Natasha, they were being just. They were being fair in their assessments of him. They were giving him a second chance.
The silence after Clint's pronouncement weighed heavily, and Loki wanted to scream or break something just to make it end.
"In light of such testimony," Odin finally began ponderously, "Loki's death sentence is commuted to banishment for a thousand years, at which time his behavior would be evaluated." His gaze landed on Loki again, heavy and uncomfortable. This was the man he had thought of as his father until several years ago. Some part of him would always think of Odin as his father, even as he rebelled against it.
"I hope that you take this opportunity seriously," Odin said when Loki remained silent. "And someday, you will come to understand the decisions made here. Just as Thor did."
Loki bristled, but kept his lips shut as if they were stitched closed. He didn't want to give Odin the satisfaction of an answer, especially when he wasn't sure he could keep his tone level or sounding arrogant. He felt broken and shredded, just as lost as Clint had pronounced him to be, and would never want Odin to see it. He would rather Odin interpret his silence as haughtiness and overconfidence. He would rather appear strong in any sense of the word than the weak creature he felt himself to be.
As Odin made arrangements with the palace guard, Loki tried not to chafe under the idea of being bound then banished. It was no different than exile on pain of death, but this felt so much worse. Perhaps because it was no longer his choice.
"You will go to Midgard in three days' time for the holmgang, of course," Loki told Volstagg before he was brought to the palace's Healing Hall.
Volstagg scowled when the Healer's apprentice that fetched him blanched. "But the wound may not be fully healed in that time!" she cried. "You shouldn't have walked, even with assistance. The damage may be too great."
Knowing he appeared to be a heel, Loki merely grinned at Volstagg. "If you're not there, you forfeit and are the coward."
"Let your vile tongue be still!" Volstagg hissed.
Steve actually poked Loki on the arm with a disapproving expression on his face. "Whatever this holmgang is, it sounds like a big deal. Stop being an ass about it." He then turned the same expression to Volstagg, surprisingly enough. "And you need to keep your own mouth shut and follow the directions of your Healer. I can tell that you're a horrible patient. Promise me you won't do anything stupid during your recovery."
If the Avengers didn't exactly smother their laughter, Loki didn't mind. They were simply laughing for him. From what he remembered, Steve was correct anyway. Volstagg had always been an unruly patient, much like Thor. Fandral had been far more tractable, if only so he could flirt with the Healers during sponge baths. Loki and Sif had suffered through the ministrations impatiently, if only so they could return to battle.
Natasha suggested that Loki be allowed a moment to say goodbye to Frigga if Odin was amenable to such things. That of course maneuvered him into allowing it, if only so court members could comment on his magnanimous nature. Crafty woman. Loki wasn't sure if he actually wanted to see Frigga-their last meeting had been so bitter, after all-but he wasn't given the option to refuse. Under escort of Fandral and Thor, his hands bound and sword remanded to Sif's care, Loki was brought to Frigga's sitting room. Though he was likely supposed to be accompanied at all times, they let him enter the room alone so that they could rejoin Odin, who was calling an emergency council meeting.
Frigga looked up from the tome she had been reading. Loki could see it was a text regarding the spá; it seemed as though she was constantly reading of such things. Was she hoping to change his fate? It had to be far too late for such nonsense.
"Loki." The hopeful look on her face changed to that of despair as soon as she saw his bound hands. "Oh, no..."
"I'm not bound for the gallows," Loki told her quietly. "This is farewell before I am banished for a thousand years."
"Thank the Norns," Frigga replied, putting aside the text as she stood. Her fond smile was almost painful to look at. "So there is hope yet that you may return."
"Should Odin see fit to allow it," Loki told her stiffly.
"Do you still deny Odin as your father?"
"He is King," Loki replied. His voice at least didn't reflect the pain he felt. "He does what he feels serves the Realm."
"Loki. We all did what we thought was best..."
"It wasn't best! I was alone here, always different. Your lies didn't change that. They reviled me behind my back, Mother, yet greeted me through lying teeth. I was not wanted unless I could be used."
Frigga cupped his face in her hands. "For the seidr, not your Jotun nature. You never knew you were different in form. That was never a source of pain."
"I had enough others."
She clucked her tongue in a chiding manner. "Would you condemn us for the rest of eternity?"
Of course. I am broken. But instead of saying the words aloud, Loki remained silent, staring at her sullenly.
"I suppose I should be grateful for that, however," Frigga murmured. "For at least you live."
"I am reviled-"
"Your choices play a role in that, Loki," Frigga replied, steel beneath her voice. She grasped his arm, and Loki could feel the pull of powerful magicks in her touch.
"You condemned me with your choices as well," Loki said, throat closing due to grief. He wanted Frigga to hold him and tell him everything would sort itself out. He wanted her to approve of his relationship with Natasha, however twisted and unnatural that it was. He wanted to be told that he wasn't an abject failure, wasn't an aberration, wasn't a monster. But he knew he was, inside and out, and she would never lie about that.
She moved her hand from his arm to his face. "We all are condemned by our choices, Loki. The real question is if we are able to move on from them." Her fingers trailed gently down his cheek, and her touch burned. "I hope you can find peace."
"How can there be peace?" Loki all but snarled, keeping himself unnaturally still so that he didn't simply throw himself into her arms. "I'm a monster."
"Even monsters have friends. Even monsters have redemption."
"I cannot be redeemed."
"I do not believe that. Natasha doesn't believe that. Her friends even believe there is something worthy in you. Otherwise they would not defend you so."
He didn't deserve any of it. He knew this as fact, yet he was offered chance after chance after chance. They kept saying he could choose differently.
But could he really, if this was all he knew?
Frigga pulled him close and pressed a kiss to his forehead, then both cheeks. "Stay safe," she cautioned him. "There are still hidden dangers on Midgard."
Loki was touched even as he didn't want to be. He dipped his head slightly in a bow, and then found himself swept up in her arms. While he was stiff initially, he finally swallowed his pride and gripped her tight. If there were tears, neither mentioned them.
A thousand years. That was going to be a very long time, indeed.
***
Further goodbyes and arrangements were being made, but Thor's presence was requested first in Odin's conference room. Natasha tagged along, and blithely ignored the startled looks of Odin's economic advisors and war council. She was still Ambassador, and Thor thought she could contribute practical wisdom to the discussion regarding rebuilding Asgard.
"The others will be sent back to Midgard," Natasha said in matter of fact tones. "They can keep an eye on Loki while the rebuilding takes place here."
"Rebuilding," Odin echoed blankly.
"You're merely an ambassador," Einarr said in haughty tones.
"And yet I'm the one to point out the obvious," Natasha replied, an edge to her voice. "Some of the devastation on Asgard left many estates without jarls to run them, or others without karls to work them. Some higher jarls were killed as well. You're looking at a power vacuum."
Einarr looked as though he had tasted something particularly foul, but remained silent. He was one of Odin's economic advisors, after all, along with Hrodvaldr and Sigsteinn. They were supposed to know all the details regarding the internal economy of Asgard, yet hadn't been able to anticipate what the damage would do here.
"What do you suggest, Natasha?" Thor asked, appearing genuinely interested. It was the reason he had asked her to be present, after all. She was starting to appreciate how his mind worked, and gave him a gracious smile.
"The ones that know what estates need are the ones that live there. That means both jarls and karls." She ignored the shock and outrage of the economic advisors and kept her gaze on Odin and Thor. "On Midgard, a lot of countries have a representational system to get the people's voice heard. They elect a representative to speak for them. They would use different names, depending on the country. But creating a parliamentary system would help advise all of you on what was necessary for the rebuilding. It would also prevent future unrest if the karls felt that their concerns were heard."
"This is ridiculous!" Hrodvaldr boomed. "They are karls, and know nothing. They should not have a place in rule."
Sigsteinn agreed enthusiastically, as did Einarr. "Jarls have always shown the way to live on Asgard. Karls are rabble. They are dirty and ignorant and common."
Natasha ignored them. "Women also have a hand in running a lot of things on Asgard, though the men try to ignore that fact and isolate them. Or beat them," she added darkly, thinking of how she had last seen Gilla.
Hrodvaldr scoffed. "Women have a place on Asgard, and that is to serve men's needs, bear the children and keep to the home. They cannot rule."
"You think Frigga incapable? Or Sif? Or any Valkyrie?" Natasha asked, voice low and dangerous. "You think the women of Asgard wouldn't defend themselves or whatever they feel is important?" She took one of the knives Maeginbiorn had made for her and whipped it across the room, slicing through Hrodvaldr's robes and hitting the wall solidly. Everyone leapt to their feet and started shouting. "Try to do better than that if you think women are useless in this process," she challenged, retrieving another blade. She held it by the tang, hilt extended toward Hrodvaldr in an almost mocking manner.
He had to accept or lose face against her challenge, yet everyone in the room knew that he wouldn't be able to throw the knife with any accuracy.
"Come now," he tried to say placatingly, hand extended.
Without taking her eyes away from his face, Natasha threw the knife, still holding the blade. It landed right next to her other one. "I have another for you to try."
"Enough," Odin snapped impatiently.
"It is a system that works well on Midgard," Thor told them all as he went to the wall to retrieve the knives for Natasha. "Women hold many roles there: healer, teacher, historian, entertainer, organizer, farmer, crafter, fighter, leader, ruler."
Natasha nodded her thanks at Thor and replaced her knives. "Women are far more capable than you give them credit for, even here."
"A true lady would not wish for such a thing," Sigsteinn huffed.
"A true lady would want the choice to be hers," Natasha said sweetly, steel beneath her tone.
"My travels on Midgard acquainted me with many kinds of people. Some women had no wish to rule. Just as some men did not," Thor said, shrugging. "The choice indeed was theirs. I suppose the same would be said of our people. Not all would want to rule, whether jarl or karl, male or female." He turned to Odin, a hopeful expression on his face. "What say you, Father?"
Odin sighed, neatly trapped between different expectations. "A compromise can be reached," he said finally. "Asgard is not Midgard. Not all of their customs would suit us," he added, which rather sounded like hedging to Natasha.
"Adapt the concept to your needs," Natasha said matter of factly, voice flat. "Each district should be able to choose someone that would be able to help advise your council about their needs. It cuts down on guesswork on your part, extends the view to the people that you care about their wellbeing and shows off your good will."
Though he was clearly irritated by Natasha's suggestion, Odin could still see the merit in it. Thor was also so enthusiastic about it that Odin would appear to be an uncaring boor if he refused to even entertain the idea.
"This system is unheard of on Asgard. Myriad details would have to be considered..."
"I can tell you about the differences in Midgardian customs," Natasha offered. "Pick the parts that would work best for Asgard."
There was no artifice on Natasha's part, though Odin obviously wished that there was. She spoke at length about representative governments, glaring at any advisor that sought to belittle her report. Thor agreed that women should be included in the project, much to the advisors' visible consternation. He was irritated with them, and finally snapped "They bear and raise our children. They safeguard our homes and our souls. They heal us, teach us, craft spells for our wellbeing and care. Asgard is their home as much as ours, and they shape who we are. They deserve as much consideration as we do."
"Well said," Natasha said with a smile. "Including them isn't the issue, I don't think. Why don't we figure out how often to make the elections?"
***
With internal politics more or less arranged, Natasha began to make her farewells. Her friends were starting to return to Earth, though of course Jane would be the last to leave. She had too many things she wanted to study with Ketilve while she had the chance to access the library, and she didn't want to give up the opportunity to spend time with Thor. While much of Asgard had to be rebuilt, a larger part of it remained untouched by the Chitauri. Thor and Jane often went on tours of Asgard, which also allowed Thor to observe how the reconstruction was proceeding. As Natasha expected, the higher jarls were vocally opposed to changing the status quo, while lesser jarls were indifferent and karls were cautiously excited.
Bera was sorry that Natasha would be returning to Earth but wasn't very surprised, either. "If you change too many things here, people get unhappy. And you made a lot of people unhappy, Lady Natasha," she said, a smile on her face. "Lucky for you, I'm not one of them."
Natasha had laughed along with her, given her hugs and advised her to keep up with her self-defense studies. Bera helped her pack all of her belongings, and even Lara's abandoned wardrobe of dresses and robes. Just in case.
Loki had a very small window of opportunity before he had to leave Asgard, and he preferred to spend it at Natasha's side. Heimdall was aware of this, and gravely told Loki that there were three more hours before he would be considered in violation of his banishment terms. Natasha had immediately headed for Gilla's home. Saying farewell to Sif and Fandral would take much less time than that.
Gilla was pleased to see her, and actually grasped her in a tight hug, burying her face in the crook of Natasha's neck. "Oh. I had worried after you so much. Between the deaths on the estate, the fires and smoke and explosions... I knew you would be in the thick of it, and I've heard how you've been involved with stopping the leaders of the invasion."
Thanos' generals had been questioned and imprisoned in enchanted cells beneath the palace. She hadn't asked if they were tortured, it wasn't her business.
"I'm here now to say goodbye. They're letting me return to Earth."
"Do they know about... that day? Here? When you came in and... And then with the fire?" Gilla asked, voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper.
"No, they don't. I'm sorry you had to see that," Natasha began slowly, seeing the concern on Gilla's face. "I couldn't stand there and see him hurting you like that."
Gilla gave her a soft, sad smile. "I understood. And when you arranged everything afterward while I was too distraught to speak with Feinborn..."
"This is your life, Gilla," Natasha said softly, extending her arms to take in the estate around them. "I couldn't let him take it from you, not when you appreciate it more than he did. And I couldn't let you suffer from my actions."
Reaching out to grasp one of Natasha's hands, Gilla nodded. "That's the sort of thing you do on your realm, isn't it?" Natasha nodded solemnly. "You're a warrior as well as a woman, as well as an Ambassador."
"Sometimes the things I have to do aren't very nice, but they have to be done to protect others."
"And now they're sending you away."
Natasha gave her a wry smile. "There are easier ways to travel between our realms now, and communicate if we need to. But honestly, I may have caused too much trouble."
Gilla smiled in answer, her hand tightening around Natasha's. "Not for me."
"I'm glad you're safe," Natasha murmured, meaning it.
"As a widow, I have more freedom. I can make decisions, not be doubted as much." Her expression grew troubled. "Konrad is still missing. I can't help but wonder if Falki knew, and that's why he was so violent that day."
Natasha wasn't about to tell her the truth about Konrad, so she simply smiled sadly at Gilla. "I'm sorry. I know you loved him, and he loved you."
"There won't be others like him. Or you." Her expression grew shy, and she dropped her eyes. "I would not be so bold as to find another companion, so I will treasure the memories I have of our time together."
"It's all right to like both." She leaned in and kissed the corner of Gilla's mouth gently. "Whatever happens, I want you to be happy. If that includes a partner, then that's great. You'll find someone when you least expect it," Natasha told her, hoping the platitude would be helpful for her to hear.
Gilla pulled her in for a tight hug. "That is a truth," she agreed, pressing a kiss to Natasha's cheek, right in front of her ear. "I will remember you and your strength. If I have even a fraction of it within me, the estate will flourish under my care."
"It's been flourishing so far," Natasha reminded her. "And you've more than a fraction, if you look hard enough."
That got her a little flustered in a pleased sort of way, and the moment between them passed. She would be fine, Natasha knew, but she still sighed as she left Gilla's estate. An invisible shadow fell into step beside her. "You were infinitely kind to her," Loki murmured.
"At least one person here thinks kindly of me."
"More than one," Loki corrected quietly. "What you have done here certainly brings some balance to your ledger." Natasha felt his fingers slide down her arm in a comforting gesture. "You have saved many innocents here."
Natasha finally allowed herself a smile. "Yeah, I suppose it's worked out all right." She glanced out of the corner of her eye, the slight displacement and shimmer of air the only clue where Loki was beside her. "You have some black in your ledger now, too."
"It's a far cry from balance."
"You have time. And a thousand years isn't all that long for your kind."
There was a hitch in Loki's step at that. "But it is far too long for yours. Even a hundred years is too long a time, but not enough."
"Better make the most of the time available, then."
Loki made a noncommittal noise that sounded like he was in agreement. There was nothing left to do on Asgard but pack and head to the Observatory. The realm would settle into a new equilibrium soon enough, then remain unchanged for several millennia. Earth, in the meantime, continued to change all the time. Natasha was already needed there, and Loki had already promised to protect her.
Vacation over. Time to get back to her day job.
The End