Of Home
Here I am once again, in my big room, our house, our own little corner of Germany, feeling 10,000 things at once. Bottom line at this very moment: DON´T WANT TO GO BACK, don´t want to leave again, want to stay over Christmas and beyond, start anew. LA is worlds away, like an abstract, almost fictional place somewhere Out West where everything is interestingly different yet unsatisfying nowadays, as if it was tried, tested, lived to the max, used up and simply is... PASSÈ, like old fashion worn decades too late.
Something in me screams THIS IS THE EUROPEAN DECADE, STAY! Meanwhile, I feel like a tourist in my own land, eyeing anything `typical` with the eyes of an American, coming here on vacation to take pictures and experience European Ways. Everything seems cozy... cute... smaller... and so very CLEAN... taken care of, sorted, organized, non-lala, non-vague, non-airheady, straight-forward and just... different. There is an instant connection with people through sheer mentality-related behaviour. It started on the plane. Where the German flight attendents assumed I´m American and didn´t even try German - I don´t look it, they don´t categorize me. Now here, I see an old Fachwerkhaus and think my god how cute, I´ll move right in and Slaveboy will just have to follow. The new dream - the perfect scenario. The two of us... here. He´d love it, does love it already. I wasn´t ready before, had to wait, live the other thing out to the end. Cannot drop a whole life in an instant. It was 28 Celsius there when I left. Here it was 26 today, the warmest October ever, as if the universe conspired to point the way and say see, your last reason to stay has just vanished. This just might be it. At this very moment, I feel that I´m finally ready to really let go.
Something in me screams THIS IS THE EUROPEAN DECADE, STAY! Meanwhile, I feel like a tourist in my own land, eyeing anything `typical` with the eyes of an American, coming here on vacation to take pictures and experience European Ways. Everything seems cozy... cute... smaller... and so very CLEAN... taken care of, sorted, organized, non-lala, non-vague, non-airheady, straight-forward and just... different. There is an instant connection with people through sheer mentality-related behaviour. It started on the plane. Where the German flight attendents assumed I´m American and didn´t even try German - I don´t look it, they don´t categorize me. Now here, I see an old Fachwerkhaus and think my god how cute, I´ll move right in and Slaveboy will just have to follow. The new dream - the perfect scenario. The two of us... here. He´d love it, does love it already. I wasn´t ready before, had to wait, live the other thing out to the end. Cannot drop a whole life in an instant. It was 28 Celsius there when I left. Here it was 26 today, the warmest October ever, as if the universe conspired to point the way and say see, your last reason to stay has just vanished. This just might be it. At this very moment, I feel that I´m finally ready to really let go.