With This Tear
Title: With This Tear
Pairing: Eunhae/Haehyuk
Rating: R (NC-17)
Aurthor: eunhee18
Genre: Pure Romance, angst, and drama
Warning(s): Language, nudity, heavy sexual content
Summary: Dealing with love is a hard thing, but not as hard as falling in love. Eunhyuk and Donghae are just two people who fell in love, and now they have to learn to deal with it. Life as they knew it was theirs. It seemed that they had everything. But with Super Junior M getting in the way of many things, their relationship-their love was dwindling. Problems occurred when Donghae wanted to out their love to the public and to their group. Eunhyuk refused, leading to a terrible fight. And what Donghae does next is unexplainable...even to me...
Kyuhyun sat lop sided in his chair. His computer was the only light in his room. Sungmin was snoring on his bed; Kyuhyun had earlier run out of pillows to throw at him to silence him. Looking at his illuminating screen, he sighed deeply. Siwon’s voice rang in his ears. ‘Eunhyuk and Donghae-dating?’ It was absolutely bizarre to even think it. His foot was tapping against the floor. His nerves were shot from Sungmin’s snoring, but mostly from the horrid news that was recently informed to him. Not believing it at first, as the hours went by the more his mind wouldn’t let it rest. The more he thought about them, the more he came to believe it.
His head turned sharply when he heard a faint noise in the hallway. He paid no mind to it, and continued to play his game. Sungmin had finally rolled over to his side, and all at once his snoring ceased. Right then, his door cracked open. More light pierced through, and a very tall figure was visible within the crack.
“Are you busy?” asked a deep voice. Kyuhyun looked up immediately.
“Um-no,” he said to him.
Siwon motioned him to follow him, and he did. Down the hall, they could hear the slumber of practically all the members. They walked into Siwon’s room, and he closed the door behind them. His first words were, “I shouldn’t have told you,” he said.
“Oh, good grief, that’s what you dragged me all over here for?” Kyuhyun whispered harshly.
“No,” Siwon said, “I knew it was bothering you, because it took me weeks to get over it.”
Kyuhyun sat down on Siwon’s bed. He sighed, “Are you seriously serious?” he said looking up at him. “Are they really together?”
“Yes, like full blown,” Siwon replied. “You have to promise me you can’t even let Eunhyuk or Donghae know,” Siwon pleaded.
“I won’t, I don’t know if I’ll be able to look at them,” He said. “My stomach hurts now,”
“Sorry,” said Siwon.
“Do you think any of the other members know? But are too afraid to say anything,” Kyuhyun asked.
Siwon shook his head, “I was the only one that knew. But, we’re in this together; Donghae trusts me. He tells me everything.” He said. Kyuhyun just listened, “If he knew--,”
“He won’t,” Kyuhyun said fiercely. “Siwon, you can trust me. It’s not like I’m Kangin. I’m not an ass whole,” he added.
There was an awkward silence between them. Kyuhyun starred at the floor, and sighed deeply. “The fans of Eunhae would love this, you know that, right?” he mentioned.
“More of a reason to keep it secret,” Siwon said. He stood tall. “Huh,” Looking over at his friend he then slightly grinned. “Don’t worry,” he told him, “I know that look,”
Kyuhyun acted as though he didn’t know what he was talking about, “-what?”
“I know how you get when you know secrets that you’re not supposed to tell,” Siwon sort of laughed. “I’m scared that you’re going blow it,” his face eased. He sat next to him. “They’re coming back tomorrow,” he mentioned.
Kyuhyun looked disgusted almost. “-good god,” he folded his arms.
“Look, if you think you can’t handle it-just ignore them.”
Kyuhyun nodded. “If you could deal with this-then so can I,”
Siwon nodded. “Let’s get something to eat.”
“Sure,”
They both stood up. The apartment was filled with slumber. As they walked quietly down the hallway, Kyuhyun peered into his shared bedroom. He rolled his eyes as he heard Sungmin’s loud snoring rattling from within the darkness of the room. He followed Siwon closely, and suddenly a light appeared.
He opened the fridge slowly, and saw that he was desperately in need of something a little bit stronger than cola. Siwon cut in front of him, and took the last standing coke. The fresh sound of the bubbly fizz filled the air. Kyuhyun looked back, and gave the older boy an agitated look.
“Sorry,” he with a shrug and a smug.
Kyuhyun wanted to slam the fridge shut, but it would be risking too much with the noise. He sat next to him, and ate out the same bag of chips. “I don’t want to go tomorrow,” he complained.
“What’s your schedule?” Siwon asked.
“I have to go on Star King, and then I have to do a photo shoot.” He looked exhausted just saying.
“That sucks. I’m going to see if I could pry Donghae away from Eunhyuk so we could go shopping,”
Kyuhyun lowered his head, “Why did you have to remind me?”
“Sorry,” Siwon said. He then started laughing.
Kyuhyun looked at him. First a small smile appeared, and then he too started laughing. Siwon patted him hard on his back, and they continued to snack…
During the night, Eunhyuk and Donghae returned to the house. His parents had been home for quite a while, and the two had crept up the stairs. Donghae held tightly to Eunhyuk’s hand. When they reached the top, they stopped in between their doors.
Eunhyuk turned slowly towards him. He trailed his soft hand down Donghae’s cheek. The other blushed horribly. “Goodnight,” he whispered. He took his hand, and started for his door. Donghae slowly traveled after him, and when Eunhyuk opened his door, he let go. Donghae smiled and goofishly waved. The door was shut tight.
Donghae pressed his hands and rested his head upon it. He closed his eyes, and felt his heart beat. It raced. He wanted badly to be in there with his love-with his only love. Before he left, he rested his lips on the hard wood door, and then, he returned to his room.
“Wake up!” said a loud voice. “Get up! Sleepy head,” Eunhyuk was violently shaken. He opened his eyes, and saw a very happy Donghae standing next to his bed. He planted a kiss on his forehead, “Get up,” he said.
“What time is it?” asked the sleepy boy.
“It’s almost seven,” Donghae giggled as he pulled Eunhyuk up.
“What’s my mom doing?”
“She’s making breakfast.”
“I’ll meet you down in a bit,”
Donghae pranced out of the room. Eunhyuk fell back covering himself with his covers. He closed his eyes, and wished he didn’t have to go back.
The kitchen smelled of freshly scrambled eggs. The sun was peering through the window. As he rubbed his eyes, he saw Donghae sitting at the table. He sat next to him. The younger boy caressed his back, and smiled at him. “Good morning,” he said.
“Morning,” Eunhyuk answered.
“Here you boys go,” said his mom as she set their breakfast down on the table. “I’ll be right back,” she then left them.
Donghae turned. “How did you sleep?” he asked.
Eunhyuk nodded as he said, “Good,” he was a bit quiet. “-we have a long day ahead of us,”
“Yeah,”
They ate together. They carried no worries with them as they spent their last remaining private hours together. They were alone in Donghae’s room. Their suitcases were on the bed. Eunhyuk looked his way when Donghae bumped into the chest of drawers.
“Be careful,” he warned him. Donghae just shrieked in pain dramatically sitting on the bed. Eunhyuk laughed at him. He walked over to the younger boy. Leaping over him, he then clashed their lips together. They kissed slowly and soft. Eun could hear Donghae moan in his arms as he slid his tongue inside his mouth. Their teeth clicked, and Eunhyuk kept on.
“Wait,” Donghae said as their lips mashed together. He pushed him away.
“-what?”
Donghae just smiled; biting his lower lip, “Nothing…we just have so much time together,” he said, “I-I think we should close the door,”
Thinking that it was the best idea that Donghae has ever had, he then crawled off of him. He closed the door tightly, and locked it. He put himself back in the same position he was in before-right in between Donghae’s short, but muscular legs. His elbows held the weight of his body. Their eyes locked-much like they always do, and their faces touched. Donghae let out a dragged sigh. His lover felt his warm breath.
“What’s wrong?” Eunhyuk asked as he caressed his face.
Donghae stuttered at first, but after a period of silence, he then said, “I just…don’t want to leave,” his voice was shaking, “I wish it was Friday again.”
Eunhyuk smiled, “Well, you can sneak in my room tonight,”
“I was going to do that anyway,” Donghae then smiled back. Hugging the other boy, he giggled. “Maybe we could get our own place,” he said seriously.
“What, we can’t do that,”
“But wouldn’t it be better than living at the dorms?” Donghae mentioned.
“Well…yeah-but”
“I think we should,”
Eunhyuk sat over him. His legs were on either side of Donghae, “If we were to do that wouldn’t it make the other members suspicious-not to mention the rest of South Korea?” He had a point.
“They don’t know about us, Eunhyuk,” Donghae said not really seeing what his boyfriend was getting at.
“Ugh, Donghae, it’s bad enough you told Siwon,” he bent down over him again. Their chests touched.
“I didn’t. He just found out,”
“Well, don’t you see? Our fans would start rumors about us if we lived together.” Eunhyuk kissed his lips softly-in some sort of way to convince him to dismiss the idea.
Donghae smiled, “-but just think about all the sex we could have,” he giggled.
Eunhyuk turned red, “Yeah, that would be nice.” He sighed, then looked at him. “Shut up!” he said suddenly. Laughing just a little too loud, caught the attention of his mom. They heard her footsteps coming up the stairs. Eunhyuk leaped off of Donghae, and quickly unlocked the door-not to stir too much trouble. Luckily, the old, round lady just passed by the room. Eunhyuk worried that his mom would press her ear up to the door just to make sure of things.
He looked back at Donghae who just smiled. “Shhh,” he told him holding up his finger to his mouth.
Donghae gestured for him to come back to him. The other shook his head. He opened the door, and peered out. He saw no one, and then decided to close his door again.
“You worry too much,” said Donghae.
“If it were your mom I wouldn’t be like this,” he then collapsed on the bed next to the other. Donghae turned his head towards him. He slid his hand over to Eunhyuk’s and held it. The older boy closed his eyes. Donghae knew they were going to be faced with too much when they make their return. He hated that their little paradise had to end so quickly.
“I love you,” breathed Donghae. He saw Eun crack a smile on his face.
“I love you,” he looked his way. He gripped his hand tighter. “-and, I’m happy with you,” he said almost underneath his breath.
Donghae shyly smiled. He rolled over him and kissed him. Eunhyuk wrapped his arms his neck as they shared their kiss.
Not long after, they finished their packing. They both met up with Eun’s mom who looked rather sad that they were about to leave.
“I’m going to miss you so much,” she said as she hugged her son. Donghae was busy putting their things away in their cars.
“I’ll miss you too,”
His mom then held his face, smashing his cheeks together, “You be good,” she laughed.
“Mom,” her son said as he pulled away from her grip. He saw her looking passed him-at Donghae.
“I want you to always love him,” she said calmly. “Be good to each other,”
Eunhyuk just looked at his mom with confused eyes. Over Donghae’s stay, she realized just how much her son loved him.
Donghae pranced up towards them, “Bye, mom,” he said hugging her as well.
“Good bye,” she smiled giving him a kiss. “You take good care of my son,” she said as she looked as though she was getting teary eyed.
Donghae nodded, “I will.” He said, “I promise,”
Soon, they were headed towards their cars. Eun’s mom stood on the porch waving them good bye. Eunhyuk lead the way…
The apartment was surprisingly quiet. Not a single person was around. Donghae, who held the most luggage, looked surprised. Eunhyuk looked in every room of the apartment, and still no one stirred.
“Are we alone?” Donghae said excitedly.
“I don’t know,” Eunhyuk wasn’t too sure.
They were alone. Eunhyuk opened his door to his room, and Donghae followed. Eunhyuk plopped himself on his bed.
Donghae looked his way, “You drive way too fast,” he told him.
Eunhyuk laughed. “I knew I lost you a couple of times.” He joked.
The other boy sat at Eun’s computer desk. Turning it on, he then checked his cyworld. He noticed that a lot of people had written messages such as, “Where are you? Are you ok?”
“These people are way too nosey,” he mentioned. Eunhyuk did answer, he just rested himself. His eyes closed, and fell asleep. Donghae stayed in his room. He looked back and saw this. Smiling, he then lay next to him. He hooked his arm around Eunhyuk’s waist. The boy grinned peacefully, and snuggled next to Donghae. They held their hands tightly, and the younger boy kissed him softly on his neck.
The sun had set. The air conditioner had turned off. The two boys still lay fast asleep on each other; nothing seemed to disturb them. There then came a loud thump in the hallway. Loud voices flooded the once silent air.
“Eunhyuk!” said a familiar voice. The light was turned on. “What the fuck! Donghae,” said Kangin. His tone was unreadable.
Donghae and Eunhyuk’s eyes burst opened.
Kangin then started laughing, “Man, you guys are weird.” He then left. He passed Siwon and Kyuhyun in the hallway.
“What was that all about?” the tall one asked Kangin.
“Nothing, just that Eunhae’s at it again,” he told them as he passed them.
Siwon’s heart sank deeper than ever. He turned to Kyuhyun who looked more disgusted than worried. “What do you suppose that means?” he asked him.
“I don’t know,” said Kyuhyun.
He and Siwon then made their way in the room. Kyuhyun shielded his eyes as Siwon hurried inside. But before they could say anything, Donghae had angrily barged his way out of the room saying, “I hate this fucking place,”
Kyuhyun raised up his arm nervously and waved at him, “Hey, Donghae,”
“Fuck off!”
Kyuhyun sighed, “That was easy,” he followed Siwon into the room.
“Eunhyuk, what was that about?” he asked.
Eunhyuk looked pissed off-a mood he’s rarely in. “Nothing,” he murmured, “I just wish people would knock before they came in here,” he then stopped and looked at Kyuhyun, “What are you doing in here?” He didn’t understand why Siwon would have Kyuhyun with him when they’re talking about him and Donghae.
“Sorry,” Kyuhyun then left after Siwon motioned him too. The door shut behind him.
“Donghae wants to move out,” Eunhyuk said sitting back on the bed.
“What?” he couldn’t quite understand.
“He kept blabbering to me about how we should move out of here and get our own place.”
“Well, it is something you could do. I mean, I’m thinking about moving out myself.”
Eunhyuk turned sharply, “Yeah, you’re one person. Donghae wants us to live together. Do you know how bad it would be if people started to suspect.”
Kyuhyun’s ear was mashed up against the door. Hearing his friend talking about his love problems with his other friend made him feel strange deep inside. It also helped him to have a better understanding.
“Now that that dumbass Kangin barged in, he’s going to make such a shitty mess about it,” he sounded mad.
Siwon, being a good friend like he is, gave him a hug. “It’s ok, I’ll talk with Donghae,” Eunhyuk nodded his head.
“Thanks,” he watched Siwon leave.
The door flung opened hitting Kyuhyun’s cheek. “Owe!”
“What are you doing?” Siwon asked him.
“I was just curious,” said the youngest boy as he rubbed his throbbing cheek. “Well?”
Siwon shook his head, “Donghae wants to move out,” he told him.
“You know how wonderful that would be,” the shorter boy said sarcastically.
Siwon nudged him on his shoulder, “Be quiet,” he told him as they left the enormous apartment. They then entered a long hallway. As they walked for the elevator, they didn’t speak. Kyuhyun seemed as though he wanted to run for his life, and Siwon knew it.
“Maybe I shouldn’t go with you,” he told him. “I mean, you heard Eunhyuk. He made me leave just so you could talk with him,”
Siwon nodded. “Alright,” he said.
“I don’t want to get yelled at, anyways,”
The doors opened. Kyuhyun stayed behind in the elevator. He saluted Siwon as his goodbye gesture, and was then out of sight.
Donghae slammed the door to his room. Leeteuk reacted to his roommate’s sudden outburst. “What’s the matter?” he asked as he typed personal thoughts on his computer.
“I can’t stand the lack of privacy in this place,” he yelled as he plopped himself on his bed.
Lee just laughed, “What?” he asked.
“-nothing,” Donghae wasn’t about to really tell Lee what his problems were. “Kangin is so annoying,” he said underneath his breath.
“Oh, Kangin,” Lee nodded as he figured out why his friend was so testy. “What did he do this time?” he asked.
“He’s just so loud. I hate it when he barges in like that,”
Lee looked confused, “Like what? What were you doing if it was horrible that he walked in?”
Donghae shook his head, “-well, nothing…I was just in Eunhyuk’s room, and he made a big deal out of it,”
Lee turned and looked at him. “What were you doing?” he asked.
Donghae’s eyebrows crossed, “Nothing-what the hell is everybody thinking?”
“I’m not thinking anything. What do mean by that?”
Donghae shook his head, “I don’t mean anything, I’m just saying Kangin is always so irritating when comes down to me and Eunhyuk,” his head hit his pillow. He felt Lee’s confused eyes on him. He was lucky the oldest knew when to talk and when not too.
There came a knock. Lee grunted as Donghae refused to get up. He opened the door, and saw Siwon standing. “Oh, hey Siwon,” he then sat back down.
Donghae looked at him, and just sighed. He didn’t want to talk with him. He didn’t need to talk. All he wanted to do was wait until everybody in Super Junior was asleep so he could sneak back down to Eunhyuk. He saw Siwon pull out his phone.
He texted someone as he talked with Lee. Donghae knew he was trying too hard to strike conversation-saying boring things about the happenings of the day that had passed.
‘Get Jungsu out of here,’ he texted Kyuhyun.
Soon there came a funny sound. Siwon’s phone went off, ‘how the fuck do I do that?’ Kyuhyun said.
‘Just call him down or something,’
Donghae rolled over to his side.
“-but I thought you had tomorrow off,” said Lee.
“Me too, but I guess not,”
Soon, Lee’s phone went off. He answered it, “Oh, hey Kyuhyun,” he smiled. “-what? Why?”
Kyuhyun’s voice was heard, “Just come see, I want to show you something,”
“Ugh, alright,” giggled Lee, he then left without question. Siwon smiled as he started liking the team work that he and Kyuhyun were developing.
“Smooth,” Donghae said.
“What, you think I did that?” Siwon laughed.
Donghae looked at him funny.
“What’s up?” Siwon asked. “How was your weekend?”
Donghae’s angry face eased almost instantly, “It was amazing,” he said under his breath. “I wish I could go through it all over again.”
“Really,” Siwon replied.
“Yeah,”
“Eunhyuk tells me you want to get your own place,”
“-don’t you think it’s a good idea,” Donghae said.
“Yeah, I think so. Eunhyuk has big point though,” he eyed him.
“I suppose so,” Donghae answered, “That’s not why I’m so mad,”
“-Kangin,” Siwon said. His face looked fierce. Donghae nodded, “What did he see?”
“We were just sleeping, and he saw us,” he looked worried.
“Well, I think he just thought it was funny. Maybe he thinks nothing of it,” Siwon said trying to convince his friend not to worry.
“He still saw. Anybody else can find out just not him,”
Siwon sat next to him. He almost entertained the thought of telling him that Kyuhyun knows, but he didn’t know what he would do.
“Want to run to the mall with me?” he asked.
“Sure,” They both then left. Donghae didn’t tell Eunhyuk, he just left.
“You told me you wanted to show me something,” Lee said crossing his arms.
“Oh, yeah. Um-,” he then tried to think of anything to show Lee. “I found this new game that I thought you might like,”
“Oh, a game. Good night Kyuhyun,” he then left.
Kyuhyun sighed. He found it amusing, but also frustrating. Soon, the door to his room swung open again. Sungmin came staggering in the room half drunk.
“Where’s my favorite guy?” he giggled hugging the other tightly around the neck.
Kyuhyun pushed him away, “Your drunk, Sungmin,”
The older boy pouted, “Why are you so mean to me?” he sat down on his bed, “Do you not like me or something?”
Kyuhyun didn’t bother to answer him; he didn’t want to encourage him.
“Oh, fine ignore me. I’ll just go and leave you to whatever the hell you’re doing.”
Kyuhyun then said, “I’m not forcing you out,”
“Then what are you doing?” Sungmin asked.
“I am just trying to play this game without having to talk to anybody,”
Sungmin grunted, “Ugh, you’re mean,” he then collapsed on his bed. Not much later, his snoring came after. Kyuhyun wanted to shoot him right then and there, but then came to the conclusion of listening to music.
Crowds of night crawling people filled the mall as Donghae followed Siwon to the nearing clothes store. He didn’t really want to be there, but he figured that it would kill time. Looking at all the different shirts, jeans, and everything else just made him think of Eunhyuk. Everything reminded him of his sweet monkey. He just wished that he had to hide his feelings. He was thankful that he could be himself around Siwon.
“What about these?” asked the tall boy. He picked up a very nice shirt. Donghae nodded with a fake smile. He then waited around as Siwon tried on the clothes he picked out for himself. The song that blared in the store made him want to break down and dance for some reason.
He looked at his watch. The time was nearing 8:00, the mall was getting ready to close. He warned Siwon, and the younger boy quickened his pace. As they walked out of the mall empty handed, they talked-finally.
“Well, that was a waste of time,” Siwon said. They then walked through the doors out into the parking lot.
Donghae hesitated before he decided to speak. He waited until they got into the car. The minute Siwon closed his door, Donghae then said, “Can I fill you in on something?” he asked softly.
Siwon looked at him with a smiled, “Sure,” he nodded.
“Please don’t be disgusted when I tell you this,” Donghae’s heart raced.
“When am I ever disgusted?” Siwon said.
“Ok…while we were at Eunhyuk’s parent’s house-we…you know,” he didn’t finish.
Siwon’s eyes widened. “-really,”
“We did it because we love each other,” Donghae said softly.
“I’m happy for you,” Siwon said nicely. “I really am.” He then started his car. “Um--,” he cleared his throat.
“I just had to tell someone.”
“-and I’m glad you did,” Siwon smiled. He then drove off.
~
The clock ticked every passing minute away. The time had finally come. Donghae uncovered himself. He quietly stood on his feet. Silencing his phone, he then told Eun that he was on his way. He opened the door slowly. Lee was breathing deeply as he was deep in his sleep. The hallway was quiet. Donghae had made it to the front door, down the hall, and into the elevator.
When the metal doors opened, he snuck out. Texting his boyfriend one last time to warn him that he was there, Eunhyuk then unlocked and opened the door. The older boy smiled widely taking Donghae by the hand, leading him into his bedroom.
The minute he closed the door behind him, Eunhyuk pressed his lips onto Donghae’s. Their mouths mashed harshly. Hands were touching everywhere, and Donghae let out an uncontrolled moan. Eunhyuk stopped. He looked at him, and then looked down. He saw Donghae’s erection grow before his eyes, and then held him as he said, “Don’t start anything we can’t finish,” he whispered.
Donghae dismissed what he told him, and instead he kissed him some more. He ran his fingers through the slightly taller boy’s hair, and breathed in deeply as their bodies pressed together.
“Donghae,” Eunhyuk breathed, “Stop it,” he felt Donghae’s tongue on his neck. His teeth nipped roughly on his skin.
He didn’t listen. He slid his hands up the other’s shirt. Eunhyuk felt his warm hands massaging him making him want to feel him all over his body. Donghae lowered one of his hands. He slid it down underneath Eunhyuk pants. The other bit his lower lip as he tried not to scream out. He held onto Donghae’s shoulders, he continued to feel his mouth on his neck. His breathing picked up as he started to feel Donghae’s hand moving him up and down. “Please, Donghae,” he whispered deeply. But he kept at it. Harder and harder he went. He had no intention on stopping now.
Eunhyuk rested his head on Donghae’s shoulder as he shielded his mouth from the moans that wanted to escape. Donghae could feel that Eunhyuk was ready to burst any minute. He could feel his heart racing as the other boy gripped him hard. He stopped kissing his neck.
When Eunhyuk finally came, a shocked moan shot out of him. It filled the room. Donghae pulled his hand out, and looked at it. Eunhyuk looked into his eyes, he then kissed him hard. He pushed him onto the bed, and immediately attacked his chest. He pulled off Donghae’s shirt, and clashed his lips onto him. Donghae breathed. It wasn’t that he wanted sex, it was more for Eunhyuk. He loved him, and he wanted to be the best boyfriend that he could be. One that wasn’t afraid to give his partner something that only two people who loved each other enough could share.
The time had passed well beyond three am. Donghae lied beside his lover caressing his cheek. Donghae’s chest was filled with reddened love bights. He had a perfectly round one on his neck that Eunhyuk was especially proud of.
The other smiled. Donghae leaned and kissed him on his forehead. “I’m sorry for acting like a jerk earlier. I didn’t mean to storm out like I did,” his voice was soft.
“I know, I didn’t mind,” Eunhyuk lied. They held each other tightly. Both knowing that morning will come soon, Donghae then had to make his way out.
“Let’s do this again tomorrow,” he said before opening the door. He could tell Eunhyuk blushed a deep red, and nodded with a smile.
“I’ll be waiting,”
Donghae gave him one last kiss, and was then out of sight. Eunhyuk covered himself with his covers, and started at the ceiling. His last thoughts for the night…were about him…
*Sorry about the wait guys. Please forgive me* -_-