help me
IAGO:
It is sure as you are Roderigo,
Were I the Moor, I would not be Iago.
In following him, I follow but myself;
Heaven is my judge, not I for love and duty,
But seeming so, for my peculiar end;
For when my outward action doth demonstrate
The native act and figure of my heart
In complement extern, 'tis not long after
But I will wear my heart upon my sleeve.
For daws to peck at. I am not what I am.
--Othello, Act 1, scene 1, 56-65
the phrase 'wear my heart on a sleeve' comes from Shakespeare. and means to have your emotions displayed for everyone to see... to risk rejection and pain.
It's a phrase that people throw around without really knowing what it means, I think. I've been talking to my ex-girlfriend the past couple of days and we've been getting along famously. Tonight, she asked me to come and visit her in Houston sometime and I told her 'no' because i was afraid of awakening feelings for her. I can still feel them, but I know that they would only intensify by going down there now. She has a boyfriend that she adores. He adores her and treats her well. going down there would just hurt me. So, knowing that it would mean a lot to her... help her through rough times, i took the selfish route and told her no and told her with all honesty why i couldn't.
I really hurt her. I know I did. But I couldn't do it... not yet. I said before that she was the second and last girl that I ever told that i loved... I meant it. So, now she feels bad because she thinks she hurt me because she looked me up again or that I'm scared of her. Neither is true. I can't go because i would get hurt... not that I've been hurt yet. I'm not scared of her, I'm scared of myself... i'm scared that I'd hurt myself.
I have no right to hope that she'd dump her current bf for me. That is the most selfish of al selfishness... to interrupt the happiness of two people to bring about your own happiness. And even if she did, what's the point? she's in Texas and I'm here. neither of us have any plans on moving to the other place... she has a good job down there... and I have no desire to live in Texas. I'm planning on gettin out of the States as soon as possible. or atleast to a coast or island.
But she used that phrase near the end of the chat and i had no idea what it meant. I tossed my feelings on the table and all i did is hurt someone. I tried to be honest and sympathetic and unselfish, but i think i failed... i hurt her. I hurt her a lot. so i could save myself. and now i don't know what to do. I'm afraid that I ruined a good friendship to save me from uneccessary pain. should i go through it to help someone in need? all I need is one yes from any of you, and I'll do it. Tell me I'm being selfish and that i should just stop whining and I'll go. I'll go to help her without a second thought of how it'll affect me. She wants help... comfort... familiarity. I'm all of that because we had a tight bond a long time ago and had fun... it's what she needs now, wants now. it would do her good. I don't even know anymore. All i need is one yes and I'll bite the bullet and go, and to hell with myself. I'll go and spend a couple days with her and her boyfriend and not even think about my feelings. FUCK!
It is sure as you are Roderigo,
Were I the Moor, I would not be Iago.
In following him, I follow but myself;
Heaven is my judge, not I for love and duty,
But seeming so, for my peculiar end;
For when my outward action doth demonstrate
The native act and figure of my heart
In complement extern, 'tis not long after
But I will wear my heart upon my sleeve.
For daws to peck at. I am not what I am.
--Othello, Act 1, scene 1, 56-65
the phrase 'wear my heart on a sleeve' comes from Shakespeare. and means to have your emotions displayed for everyone to see... to risk rejection and pain.
It's a phrase that people throw around without really knowing what it means, I think. I've been talking to my ex-girlfriend the past couple of days and we've been getting along famously. Tonight, she asked me to come and visit her in Houston sometime and I told her 'no' because i was afraid of awakening feelings for her. I can still feel them, but I know that they would only intensify by going down there now. She has a boyfriend that she adores. He adores her and treats her well. going down there would just hurt me. So, knowing that it would mean a lot to her... help her through rough times, i took the selfish route and told her no and told her with all honesty why i couldn't.
I really hurt her. I know I did. But I couldn't do it... not yet. I said before that she was the second and last girl that I ever told that i loved... I meant it. So, now she feels bad because she thinks she hurt me because she looked me up again or that I'm scared of her. Neither is true. I can't go because i would get hurt... not that I've been hurt yet. I'm not scared of her, I'm scared of myself... i'm scared that I'd hurt myself.
I have no right to hope that she'd dump her current bf for me. That is the most selfish of al selfishness... to interrupt the happiness of two people to bring about your own happiness. And even if she did, what's the point? she's in Texas and I'm here. neither of us have any plans on moving to the other place... she has a good job down there... and I have no desire to live in Texas. I'm planning on gettin out of the States as soon as possible. or atleast to a coast or island.
But she used that phrase near the end of the chat and i had no idea what it meant. I tossed my feelings on the table and all i did is hurt someone. I tried to be honest and sympathetic and unselfish, but i think i failed... i hurt her. I hurt her a lot. so i could save myself. and now i don't know what to do. I'm afraid that I ruined a good friendship to save me from uneccessary pain. should i go through it to help someone in need? all I need is one yes from any of you, and I'll do it. Tell me I'm being selfish and that i should just stop whining and I'll go. I'll go to help her without a second thought of how it'll affect me. She wants help... comfort... familiarity. I'm all of that because we had a tight bond a long time ago and had fun... it's what she needs now, wants now. it would do her good. I don't even know anymore. All i need is one yes and I'll bite the bullet and go, and to hell with myself. I'll go and spend a couple days with her and her boyfriend and not even think about my feelings. FUCK!