Torn
My Dad called me this evening with some sad news. My real Grandfather (my Mom's real father) was put in intensive care today and they decided to pull him off the respirator tonight so he probably won't make it through the night. I am torn because I am his biological descendant but I don't think my Mom has quite forgiven him for walking out on his family over fifty years ago.
I met Grandpa Kemler for the first time in my adult memory a week ago because my aunt had been pushing my Mom and I decided it was time for me also. "He has always been a small man, but he is anemic right now and probably has cancer," came the warning before we walked in to meet him. When we walked into the smoke ridden house only 30 minutes away from ours I could not believe I was at all related to this man or this family. I had seen pictures of him no older than I am now and that is how I recognized his striking blue eyes but the years had worn at him hard. My Mom brought pictures of me and my brother and there was much small talk. I guess I never thought the meeting would come to fruition. I met my Mom's cousin/stepmother along with uncles I didn't know I have and even a first cousin. Very different, and yet still family. Grandpa was very frail and mostly listened but every once in a while I could see him glance my way and smile slightly. He said that he was a mere 96 pounds and no taller than I, and he thinks they (the Doctors) snuck some chemo in with his treatment. There it was; cancer. He will have died from the disease that could have been prevented, lung cancer. It is cruelly ironic that he and my grandmother were both taken by something only a few inches long that when multiplied over the years results, almost indefinitely, in death.
So I am torn whether to follow in my mother's slight of the family because he never came to family events or to move past that and continue to push my parents to visit these relatives. Even though this family is so different from the family I once knew, they welcomed us into their home and seemed genuinely interested in the unchosen bond of biology. It is cruel that the first time I met Grandpa as an adult was also the last but it also brought me to a door where I can push it open or shut it forever.
I met Grandpa Kemler for the first time in my adult memory a week ago because my aunt had been pushing my Mom and I decided it was time for me also. "He has always been a small man, but he is anemic right now and probably has cancer," came the warning before we walked in to meet him. When we walked into the smoke ridden house only 30 minutes away from ours I could not believe I was at all related to this man or this family. I had seen pictures of him no older than I am now and that is how I recognized his striking blue eyes but the years had worn at him hard. My Mom brought pictures of me and my brother and there was much small talk. I guess I never thought the meeting would come to fruition. I met my Mom's cousin/stepmother along with uncles I didn't know I have and even a first cousin. Very different, and yet still family. Grandpa was very frail and mostly listened but every once in a while I could see him glance my way and smile slightly. He said that he was a mere 96 pounds and no taller than I, and he thinks they (the Doctors) snuck some chemo in with his treatment. There it was; cancer. He will have died from the disease that could have been prevented, lung cancer. It is cruelly ironic that he and my grandmother were both taken by something only a few inches long that when multiplied over the years results, almost indefinitely, in death.
So I am torn whether to follow in my mother's slight of the family because he never came to family events or to move past that and continue to push my parents to visit these relatives. Even though this family is so different from the family I once knew, they welcomed us into their home and seemed genuinely interested in the unchosen bond of biology. It is cruel that the first time I met Grandpa as an adult was also the last but it also brought me to a door where I can push it open or shut it forever.