Hello girls
Dear fellow lj friends and lurkers,
I am sorry it has been so long before I gave any sign of life. I had to take a step back from the fandom and it wasn't easy, but worth it. Now, after hearing from so many of you after JJ's lovely post, I feel like you guys deserve to know a bit more.
Without going into details, I have found myself in an incredibly bad real life situation, and it's been very hard to go through that. I became angry at the spn fandom (not my lj friends, just the idea of the spn fandom) because it did not comfort me the way it used to. I found myself, in real life, so isolated, and it made me realise that I had, for a long time, relied way too much on my internet friends and what fandom meant to me. This isn't spn's fault, and my lack of interest -I cannot to this day watch a new episode- has been painful to me. I needed to work harder on my real life, on my relationships in real life, because, as awesome as you guys have been, you are all so far away and what I needed, when things started to go south, was people around me, physically. And I had very few of them.
Long story short : it isn't spn's fault that it didn't gave me what I needed, but my anger wouldn't go away. Now, I feel much better, but still, I cannot be part of the fandom the way I used to. Real life is still too complicated and the bitterness I felt, at realising spn wasn't the cure to all my ailments , hasn't gone away.
I want to thank you all for the birthday wishes and kind words. I still think about you guys all the time. During the worse of it, I choose someone to confide into -poor her- and she does a wonderful job, so thank you JJ564.
I found myself incapable of writing new stories for spn, and with time, the writing was an itch I had to scratch. I've always had other interests but not been passionate enough about them to take an active part in other fandom. Right now, I'm writing a Sherlock story. I did not, and have no intention of being more active than through my stories. It has a refreshing element for me, and the fandom is very different (same amount of fandom wars, though). I am writing a mpreg Sherlock story, called The Adventure of the Expecting Detective. It implies, of course, a romantic relationship between Sherlock and John -or Johnlock, as it is called. I'm saying this because some of you have express the interest in continuing to read my stuff, even from another fandom. I first had the intention of deleting my journal but now I intent to keep it active, although I won't be as present as before. Those who prefer to follow me on ao3, that is where I'll be posting, but I plan to post notifications here.
Again, thank you guys for your generosity and your kindness. Maybe one day I'll feel the need to go back to spn -I am hoping that much.
Hugs,
Etoile
I am sorry it has been so long before I gave any sign of life. I had to take a step back from the fandom and it wasn't easy, but worth it. Now, after hearing from so many of you after JJ's lovely post, I feel like you guys deserve to know a bit more.
Without going into details, I have found myself in an incredibly bad real life situation, and it's been very hard to go through that. I became angry at the spn fandom (not my lj friends, just the idea of the spn fandom) because it did not comfort me the way it used to. I found myself, in real life, so isolated, and it made me realise that I had, for a long time, relied way too much on my internet friends and what fandom meant to me. This isn't spn's fault, and my lack of interest -I cannot to this day watch a new episode- has been painful to me. I needed to work harder on my real life, on my relationships in real life, because, as awesome as you guys have been, you are all so far away and what I needed, when things started to go south, was people around me, physically. And I had very few of them.
Long story short : it isn't spn's fault that it didn't gave me what I needed, but my anger wouldn't go away. Now, I feel much better, but still, I cannot be part of the fandom the way I used to. Real life is still too complicated and the bitterness I felt, at realising spn wasn't the cure to all my ailments , hasn't gone away.
I want to thank you all for the birthday wishes and kind words. I still think about you guys all the time. During the worse of it, I choose someone to confide into -poor her- and she does a wonderful job, so thank you JJ564.
I found myself incapable of writing new stories for spn, and with time, the writing was an itch I had to scratch. I've always had other interests but not been passionate enough about them to take an active part in other fandom. Right now, I'm writing a Sherlock story. I did not, and have no intention of being more active than through my stories. It has a refreshing element for me, and the fandom is very different (same amount of fandom wars, though). I am writing a mpreg Sherlock story, called The Adventure of the Expecting Detective. It implies, of course, a romantic relationship between Sherlock and John -or Johnlock, as it is called. I'm saying this because some of you have express the interest in continuing to read my stuff, even from another fandom. I first had the intention of deleting my journal but now I intent to keep it active, although I won't be as present as before. Those who prefer to follow me on ao3, that is where I'll be posting, but I plan to post notifications here.
Again, thank you guys for your generosity and your kindness. Maybe one day I'll feel the need to go back to spn -I am hoping that much.
Hugs,
Etoile