Café Lilou Act Two
There is one thing Jensen hasn’t been talkative about and that’s his daughter’s birth. Jared has seen pictures of the baby’s room, has seen a video of the last sonogram and has heard about the hundred and some names Jensen is hesitating between. He even knows that the sperm donor is a white male in good health, and that as part of the research program, his identity is sealed. That is without counting all the small aches and annoyances in the final stages of pregnancy -Jensen has even shown him his bare stomach, lifting his shirt during a quiet moment at the coffeeshop to point out one single stretchmark going from his popped up navel to his crotch, and while Jensen has been complaining that it had appeared only the week before, and that he had been so triumphant about avoiding the stretchmarks so far, and how unfair it was… Jared, well, Jared had tried to focus on the thin blue line that was apparently so ugly, and not on the creamy skin, so tense, speckled with rare freckles here and there, and how Jensen’s navel, even popped up, had been giving him a boner. So. Long story short, being the chatterbox he is, Jensen hasn’t left a lot to imagination.
But whenever the subject of the actual birth is mentioned, even vaguely, Jensen becomes strangely quiet. All Jared knows is that Jensen has asked for a companion, like it is described at the local midwives center, to be with him at the hospital. “I’m not doing the whole natural-midwife-home-birth, because I’m a wuss, I want a hospital, doctors and drugs. Lots of them.” That person is called Brianna, and her role is simply to support Jensen, so he won’t be alone. It might seem like a lot of information, but knowing Jensen, it isn’t. He doesn’t speak about his feelings regarding the event, doesn’t say if he’s scared, if he’s anxious, if the thought of coming back home alone with a newborn is worrying him. He’s great for telling funny stories about his bushy-eyebrowed, grumpy doctor, or describing all the strange dreams he’s been having since he hit the third trimester, most of them featuring him giving birth to everything but a human baby. Nevertheless, for the most serious, personal thoughts about the birth of his daughter, Jared has learned that even if he asks questions, he won’t get a real answer. Jensen is a master when it comes to changing the subject without it being evident. Jared gets caught every single time. He still hasn't succeeded in making Jensen promise to call him if he needs him, whatever the time or the circumstance.
He’s worrying a little. Jared has his own dreams about Jensen bleeding to death in his apartment, or not being able to reach the hospital in time, or the baby not doing well, and Jensen being alone to deal with it. They’ve known each other for a little more than two weeks, but Jared already feels more engaged than he has in previous relationships, even after months of being together. This is the strangest thing. All they had shared is that one kiss, but it’s like it’s sealed their rapport to each other, a silent promise, an engagement in the making.
“I wish I could be there when the baby’s born. I don’t want Jensen to suffer alone. I don’t want him to be in distress and not be able to comfort him,” Jared had told Tahmoh one evening.
His friend is a calm and serious person. He’s never met Jensen -his working hours prevent him from being at the café any other time than early mornings, but he gets how serious and involved Jared is. “If you guys are as close as you’ve been telling me, I think he would’ve asked if he wanted your help. Maybe it’s something he needs to do on his own.”
“With that Brianna, whom he barely knows.” Jared had replied, sounding like a brooding little kid.
“Yes, because she doesn’t really count. The way I’m seeing this -it’s all speculations of course- your almost-boyfriend has wanted this kid, has decided to go through it on his own, and the whole experience belongs to him and only him.”
Tahmoh has a way of getting people, and Jared has known him long enough to trust his judgement, and, yes, that includes speculating about someone he’s never met.
All that’s left for Jared to do is to wait for Jensen’s daughter to be born and hope for the best. It’s easier said than done.
December 23rd brings with it a snowstorm that starts in the middle of the afternoon, despite the fact that all the meteorologists in the area have predicted a bright, warm day. It’s so sudden, it takes everyone by surprise. Jared only realizes it when the flow of customers starts to slow down. He’s been busy -Café Lilou offers gift-baskets custom made, and, as usual, most people (men especially) wait until the last minute to come and ask for one.
So, Jared has spent most of his shift helping customers with their choices and then wrapping the baskets, the corner of the café reserved for this rapidly becoming a gift-wrapping war zone, with ribbons and glitter, pieces of paper and plastic everywhere. Katherine has tied Jared’s hair in some kind of bun with a glittering silver ribbon, stating that he looked sexy and that he had to fit his gift wrapper role.
And then, at some point, Jared finds himself having enough time to clean up the station and drink the now tepid coffee Dylan had brought him at some point. When he lifts his head, he can’t see the street outside. It’s snowing huge, vertical snowflakes carried by the wind.
Jared doesn’t worry about Jensen being caught in it -for the past three days, they’ve only been talking on the phone and texting, Jensen has a bad cold, and he’s too tired to go out. He’s refused to let Jared visit, saying that Danneel was mother henning all over him and was trying to make fun of the whole situation, even if the fact that Jared could hear him coughing and sneezing every other minute at the other end of the line hasn’t played in his favor.
So, Jared texts him to give him some news, imagining him in his living room wrapped in a blanket with Danneel feeding him chicken broth, while he walks to the window.
Emily and Dylan are there as well. Katherine is preparing a latte for what Jared realizes is the only client left.
“So, a snowstorm.”
“Yep,” Dylan agrees. “Man, I’m flying to Denver tomorrow morning, I hope it will have cleared up by then.”
“It wasn’t even in the weather forecast,” Emily wines. “The bus schedule will be all messed up.”
“You should leave now, before the conditions deteriorate,” Jared tells her. “It’s not like we’ll be in a rush any time soon.”
Emily doesn’t protest, just thanks him and disappears quickly into the back store. Jared isn’t worried about Dylan -the boy lives two streets away from the shop, and since he’s supposed to take care of closing the café, Jared will stay with him and give him a ride.
“Hey Katherine?” He calls. “When is your shift over?”
“Seven pm,” she says, with this hopeful look in her eyes, because she clearly knows what’s coming.
“Do you have your car?”
“Nope, it wouldn’t start this morning.”
Jared is relieved. Most of the time he thinks it’s a miracle Katherine’s car is holding together enough to be driven.
“My dad gave me a ride, and he’s going to pick me up.”
“Well, what about you ask him to come at five instead of seven? I think we’ll have to close early if this goes on.”
Katherine does this funny little dance. “Yes! Thanks, Jared. Can I…”
“Yes, you can go call him now,” Jared completes.
The cellphone policy is to keep calls in the back store. The only employee Jared has had to warn a couple of times is Luke, who’s sick with mononucleosis. Jared knows his little gang are reasonable, hardworking kids. He’s been lucky.
“So, I guess it will be just you and me, boss, huh?” Dylan asks, giving Jared a complicit look.
“Did you get me a Christmas present?” Jared says as an answer.
Dylan’s face becomes beet red. “Huh… I…”
“Great. Here’s what I want for Christmas: my name is Jared. Ja-red. You are going to stop calling me boss.”
Dylan bites his bottom lip, like he’s about to protest, but one warning look from Jared and all he says is “Okay, bo-… Jared.”
“Good boy,” Jared pats his head and goes back to the gift wrapping station to finish cleaning up the mess. It’s not long before he gets a text from Jensen, answering his own.
Cold is better. Don’t worry, not planning on going anywhere any time soon.
Good, get some rest, Jared answers, adding a little kiss-blowing icon for good measure.
Jensen answers with a series of icons that have Jared blushing to the tip of his ears. Jensen is a master at speaking in icons only.
The rest of the afternoon goes slowly. All in all, Jared counts three customers, two of which just come in to warm themselves before going back in the cold. The snowstorm doesn’t show any signs of stopping. Katherine keeps checking the weather forecast on her phone and repeating what she’s seeing, which gets old pretty quickly. The storm is supposed to go on well into the night. Twelve centimeters of snow are expected. It doesn’t seem like much, but for a town like Pawnee whose winters are usually pretty mild, it’s huge.
Jared has already decided to start closing up right after Katherine leaves. Meanwhile, he doesn’t try to keep his two employees busy and lets them work their usual tasks at a slow rhythm, chatting and laughing. It’s the eve of Christmas ‘Eve, after all. He sits at his usual table to go through some paperwork. He doesn’t feel like sitting alone at his desk in the back. Christmas music is playing through the speakers -Katherine has turned the volume up, way louder than usual, since the café is empty, and with the snow falling outside, when he isn't thinking about the hazardous drive back home, or all the shoveling that’s waiting for him, Jared is really getting in the holidays spirit. And … Is Jared’s shiny new love for Jensen making him see it everywhere, or are Dylan and Katherine exchanging very warm, longing looks, maybe touched by Christmas magic themselves?
Jared smiles internally and gets back to checking his January orders. Time passes without a single customer. When Katherine’s father arrives to take her home, his huge mustache covered in snow and mumbling about outside being like a frozen hell, Jared makes a decision on a whim and tells Dylan he should hop in with them to get home. They’ve done a lot of cleaning over the last hour, and Jared doesn’t mind closing the café by himself. Dylan hesitates for half a second before thanking him. As soon as they’re out, Jared locks the door and turned the sign to “closed.” He can barely see anything. The sun has already set, and the wind drives the snow, blurring everything. Jared shivers. For once, he longs to be home, in his sleeping pants, looking at the world disappearing outside. He gets the cash register and sits back at his table to count the day's receipts. He has turned the music off, and all he can hear is the wind howling and the distant sound of traffic -everybody must be in a hurry to get home and safe. It will be hell on the roads.
Jared has barely started to print the credit card invoices when he hears an insistent knock at the door. He lifts his head, surprised, and all he can see is a dark silhouette gesturing toward him.
It’s only been a few minutes since Katherine and Dylan left -maybe one of them forget something, although they both have the key to the backdoor and-
Frowning, Jared grabs his keys and gets to the door. He’s less than a feet away when he finally recognizes the person on the other side.
It’s Jensen.
What the hell?
Jared quickly unlocks the door, and Jensen all but falls into his arms, their feet entangling. The wind howls savagely while snow invades the cafe. With one arm, Jared pushes the heavy glass door closed, while he slides an arm around Jensen’s thickened waist to steady him.
“What are you thinking, walking here in the freaking storm of the century?” he asks, more irritated than he intended, before taking a closer look at Jensen. His face is red from the cold, his lashes clumped in frozen tears. Snow covers his boots and jeans up to the thighs. He doesn’t have his mittens, his coat is unzipped, and he looks exhausted.
“I can explain,” Jensen says, his tone harsh because of the way his teeth are chattering.
“Come on. We’ll be more comfortable in the back store.”
Jared doesn’t wait for a response and drags Jensen along with him. His whole body is now shaken by violent shivers, and he leans heavily against Jared. “I was stuck, I had to walk here,” he says, which doesn’t make any sense.
In the back store, Jared sits Jensen on the old couch and helps him take his coat off. Jensen’s shivers amplify immediately, but Jared finds the blanket he keeps nearby for occasional naps (he’s the boss; he can damn well nap if he want) and wraps it around his friend’s shoulders.
“What do you mean, you were stuck?” he asks, grabbing Jensen’s red, cold hands between his to warm them up. “Seriously what were you thinking?”
“I wasn’t thinking,” Jensen replies, looking a little guilty and a lot miserable. “My car got stuck on the side of the road two minutes away from here. It was easier to get here than to walk back home. I told you I live close by.”
“You should have called me. I would have come to pick you up!”
“I left home in a hurry and forgot to take my phone,” Jensen isn’t shivering so hard anymore, and he sounds irritated. “I… it’s all that damn OB nurse’s fault, anyway.”
Jared tries to understand, he does, but Jensen has a tendency to lose himself when he’s talking, and he sometimes needs a little direction.
“Okay. Start from the beginning.”
“Let me talk, and I will,” Jensen snaps, taking his hands out of Jared’s grip.
It’s so unlike him that Jared doesn’t know what to think anymore. In the two weeks he’s known Jensen, he's never seen him impatient, or in a bad mood.
Well, two weeks isn’t exactly a long period of time, but it sometimes feels to Jared like he’s known Jensen forever.
“I’m sorry,” Jensen says immediately. “You’re right, I'm not making sense. Let me… huh… I woke up this morning with back pain, and it didn’t go away. It wasn’t really painful, you know, but it kept up all day, and at some point I realized it was coming and going in a regular pattern, like contractions, but it didn’t really bother me because… you know, contractions are supposed to get your belly tensed, and, well, to hurt real bad, but still, I should add in the fact that, this morning, I lost the mucus plug and-“
“Wait. What?”
“The mucus plug,” Jensen repeats, “it’s like… It’s this slimy thing that protects the entry of the uterus, and when it slides out it can mean it’s the beginning of labor but not necessarily right then at that moment. It can happen days before the actual labor starts, and Dr. Capaldi told me once there was this patient of his, it was like her fifth kid or-“
“Jensen. Focus, please,” Jared interrupts, because he doesn’t like where the story is going, doesn’t like it at all.
“Yeah, I should… well. Even if it didn’t really hurt, I started taking notes of the duration of my back pains, and the time between each one, and they were really regular, and I called the obstetrics floor of my hospital, because that’s what you’re supposed to do when you think you might be going into labor, and this nurse… She said contractions aren’t the same for everyone, and even that some people don’t really feel them until the baby’s practically born, even though it’s rare, and since my back pains were regular every seven minutes for the past two hours, plus the loss of the plug, I should come in just to get checked, you know? Why take the risk?”
“Are you still having them? Right now?” Jared is starting to panic. Slowly, but surely.
“Yeah, one just finished, so see? I can’t be in labor!” Jensen says, leaning back on the couch and sighing with irritation. “That nurse got me worried, and I couldn’t get ahold of Danneel, so I decided to drive myself. I didn’t even notice there was a storm until I was outside.”
“You should’ve called me.”
“I should’ve, but I’m not in labor, I didn’t want to bother you.”
“That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. We texted today, you didn’t mention anything.”
Jensen gives Jared another irritated look. “I’m not… obliged to you, Jared.”
It feels like Jared has been punched in the gut. It hurts even more. Jensen is right. That’s the worst of it. And that’s something Jared’s been very careful not to think about in the past weeks.
“I drove,” Jensen goes on, looking uncomfortable and almost sad. “Too much snow, my car got stuck to the side of the road.”
“And here you are.”
“Here I am,” Jensen whispers.
“I’m going to drive you to the hospital,” Jared declares.
It’s like he hasn’t known whatever was between them was so fragile - like he’d refused to see it, and now it’s broken, because of a simple sentence and a cold look.
Jensen nods and wiggles to the edge of the couch to stand up. Jared wants to help him, real bad, but now it’s like he doesn’t know what his limits are anymore, and what he can say, or do. He turns his back so as not to see Jensen struggling. After all, he’s living alone, he doesn’t have a helping arm each time he needs to stand up.
“I just need to go to the bathroom.”
“Alright.”
Jensen stops near the door and turns to look at Jared, who’s putting his boots on. He scratches the back of his head, something he does each time he’s embarrassed, Jared has come to learn. Jared doesn’t want him to feel bad, not in the state he’s in, and he tries for a smile he knows has fallen flat.
The bathrooms are near the back of the store, at the end of a small hallway, and Jared can hear Jensen making his way to it, slow, heavy steps, while he himself finishes tying his boots. There is a moment of silence where he should hear the heavy bathroom door creaking its way open, but it doesn’t. Jared frowns but doesn’t stop and goes to grab his coat that’s sitting on his desk.
“Jared!”
Jensen’s voice is all wrong, filled with panic, and very close. Jared drops the coat and goes to find him, almost bumps into him outside the door where he leans heavily against the wall, his legs parted wide.
“Jensen?”
“I huh… don’t think I need to go to the bathroom, finally” Jensen says, trying to take another step toward him. He stops, grabs Jared’s shoulder with one hand. He’s going to go down. Jared holds him up, sliding both arms under his armpits. He tries to drag him back to the couch but Jensen won’t budge.
“I can’t!” Jensen cries. “It… I feel something down there, my god, Jared. I think it’s the baby’s head!”
“What?”
“Help me please we gotta… I gotta take my pants off I’m…”
It’s probably the surge of adrenaline that helps Jared pick Jensen up despite his protests and carry him to the couch without even feeling a strain in his muscles. Jensen ends up on his back. He’s shaking, fighting with his pants to take them down.
“Please come on. Please help me,” he pleads, his voice tinted with hysteria.
Jared doesn’t even think. He yanks Jensen’s boots off his feet, hearing the leather rip since he didn’t unlace them. They come, with some effort, then the pants follow -Jensen has already pulled them mid-thigh, along with his underwear that, Jared notices, are stained with bloody fluid.
“Oh, shit,” he murmurs, taking a look between Jensen’s legs. He parts them wider, not listening to what Jensen is telling him, because hell, Jensen is right. There is something round and bloody there, god, and it can’t be anything else besides the baby’s head.
Jared grabs the corner of the blanket Jensen had left on the couch and tries to clean up the area a little bit, because he has to be sure, it can’t be happening, right? Babies aren’t born like that. There is a lot of huffing, and yelling, and counting and insulting the doctor and nurses. It takes forever.
Jared presses the cloth around Jensen’s birth canal and a flow of warm water gushes out, cleaning up the small, scrunched-up face of the baby.
“Oh, my god, oh my god, Jensen, you’re right the baby’s head is…”
“Jared,” Jensen warns in panic, “Jared, I need to push, I need to push real bad.”
“Wait-“
But Jensen doesn’t listen, or can’t. He bends his knees, get ahold of the couch with both hands, and his body gets tensed like a bowstring. He growls like an animal, shaking, and Jared catches the baby that’s sliding easily out of the birth canal, and he watches in shock as the small bundle resting in his hands starts to wiggle, tiny arms jerking open. Then a fragile wail fills the room. It’s… She’s crying, she’s angry, if her scrunched-up, red face is any indication. Jared burst out laughing, still trying to process what the hell just happened, how he came to hold a newborn in his arms.
He only then realizes Jensen is speaking to him, repeating again and again. “She okay, is she okay, Jared? Fuck, talk to me, is she alright?”
Jared snaps out of his stupor and nods. He’s still laughing, and he feels tears pricking his eyes but whatever. He’s holding Jensen’s newborn daughter. He has the right to lose control over all of his emotions at once. He lifts the tiny baby up a little, so that Jensen can have a look at her. “She’s fine. Look at her,” he says in a shaking voice, “You… Jensen, you…”
“I wanna hold her,” Jensen says, then he bursts into tears, loud, hysterical sobs, and all Jared can do is cry too. He uses the blanket to cover the baby and holds her out to Jensen who’s mumbling soft, endearing words between hiccups, his face red and swollen, clear snot sliding down his nose.
Jared stays immobile for a few seconds, looking at the both of them, his own emotions way too strong for what he’s used to. It’s the sight of the umbilical cord, still attaching the baby to Jensen, and the small but steady rivulet of bloodstained fluid that’s sliding out of Jensen’s birth canal that has him snapping back into action. He takes his coat to cover Jensen’s legs, because he’s still shivering, then grabs his cell phone from his back pocket and call 9-1-1.
The first information he gets is that, because of the storm, it could take at least half an hour before they are reached by an ambulance. The operator asks a series of questions, about Jensen’s state, and the baby’s, and then gives him instructions as to what to do.
It’s good being so busy that Jared doesn’t have time to think. He has to check first if Jensen is bleeding a lot -he isn’t -then he has to assess if the baby’s coloration is good -it is- and if Jensen is holding his own. His teeth are still chattering, and he has this expression on his face -a mix of stupor and awe, but he doesn’t look bad, given the fact that he’s just expelled a baby without even realizing what was going on. When Jared touches his forehead, he finds it hot and damp, maybe a little too hot for his liking, but the operator reassures him that all those symptoms are from the shock of the delivery, and that the important thing is to keep Jensen and the baby warm until the paramedics get there.
Jared finds a pile of folded tablecloths in a drawer and uses them as makeshift blankets, then he listens careful while the operator explains to him what to do if Jensen begins expelling the placenta before the paramedics arrive. The whole thing must have taken five minutes, at best, but when Jared has the permission to put the woman on hold, he feels drained.
He turns his attention toward Jensen and helps him settle more comfortably, sliding some rolled up aprons under his head to support it. Jensen is pliant, letting Jared do what he has to, all of his attention given to his daughter who is still crying, although more softly.
“Hey, Jensen?” Jared kneels besides him, rubbing his arm softly, as if Jensen is made of glass and could shatter at any second. “The ambulance will be here soon, alright?”
Jensen nods, tucking his daughter into the crook of his right arm so he can wipe the tears off his face.
“Do you feel like… that placenta thing is coming out soon?”
Jensen gives him a confused look. “How can I? I barely felt her coming out,” he says, nodding at the baby, and his voice breaks on that last word. His chin starts trembling. New tears fill his eyes. “Look at her, she must be… so shocked… I almost had her in the bathroom,” he croaks, caressing the soft dark hair on his baby’s head. “All this because I’m too stupid to know when I’m in labor.”
“What? Don’t say that. It’s not your fault, you told me you didn’t feel any pain.”
“I should’ve figured it out,” Jensen murmurs. “If you hadn’t been here, what would have happened?”
Jared takes Jensen’s chin between his fingers and turns his head, so that he will look at him. “I was here. And now your baby girl is born, and she’s doing fine. That’s all there is. You… You were great.”
“I didn’t do anything,” Jensen protests. “You caught her. You did a fantastic job, even after I was a jerk with you.”
Jensen swallows back a sob. What he’s saying doesn’t make a lot of sense, but given the fact that he gave birth less than five minutes ago, is it surprising?
“And I was supposed to let you deal with the delivery on your own, ‘cause you’ve been a jerk? Which, you weren’t, by the way.”
“I was.”
“Okay, well, I didn’t have to talk to you like that. I was worried about you. Fuck, Jensen, can’t you smile for me? You have your baby in your arms, nothing went wrong, I need you to smile and tell me you’re okay.”
Jensen sniffs and nods, closing his eyes, like he’s concentrating. The baby isn’t crying anymore. Her dark eyes are opened to slits, and, despite her face being swollen and covered in red blotches, she’s beautiful. And she’s Jensen daughter -Jared is barely objective.
“Yeah okay,” Jensen whispers after a few seconds of silence. “I’m… It’s all too much, you know, but I’m okay, I swear,” he says, and he does smile without it seeming forced. “And I think I’ll try to feed her. The colostrum is important. They told us in the prenatal class that a baby can take the breast right after the birth.”
Jensen lifts his t-shirt up without too much difficulties. Jared is fascinated, doesn’t even ask if it’s okay to look. The breast is almost as flat as his, but the nipple is darker, slightly swollen, a pearl of yellowish, thick milk is already bubbling in the middle.
“There you go, honey,” Jensen whispers, getting the little opened mouth as close to the nipple as possible. Almost instantaneously, the baby closes her lips over it and starts sucking, letting out the most adorable snuffling sounds through her tiny nose.
“Wow,” Jared says, still staring. “Wow, it’s… Jensen it’s…”
“Feels strange,” Jensen admits, letting out a nervous laugh. Kind of tickles.”
He’s about to add something but winces instead, shifting his hips. “Geez, Jared I… gotta push again, I think.”
The placenta stuff, Jared remembers. He gets to the end of the couch and uncovers Jensen’s legs, immediately noticing a red mass sliding out of the birth canal. Jensen groans, lets out a hiss, but it last only a second, until the placenta is out.
“S’it done?” He asks, catching his breath.
Jared doesn’t answer. He’s supposed to wrapped the placenta in a towel because the paramedics will want to examine it, then he has to tie a shoestring around the umbilical cord to stop the blood flow that goes from the placenta to the baby. He had agreed to everything the 9-1-1 operator had said without really knowing what she’d been talking about, but now, he downright panics. The placenta is a monstrous thing that looks like a giant piece of beef liver crisscrossed by veins. It can’t be normal. It can’t.
“Jared?”
“Yes, I… It’s out… Wait a second it’s…”
Jared doesn’t know how to hide from Jensen that something is wrong, and if he gets back to the 9-1-1 operator to tell her, he’ll know for sure -Jared doesn’t really have the choice, though, because there has to be something he can do to help! What if… What if this thing is Jensen’s uterus, expelled with the baby, or a twin that’s been dead inside for some time and the doctors didn’t notice it? What if?
Jared is sweating profusely, he can feel it, dripping down his forehead. His heart is beating so hard in his chest it kind of hurts, and his stomach is churning, stating that it wouldn’t be opposed to the idea of sending up everything Jared has eaten today.
“I…Jensen…” He says, but he can’t go on.
“What’s the matter with you, you’re white as a sheet,” Jensen worries. “I know the placenta isn’t something nice to look at, but is that it or is something wrong? Jared?”
“I don’t think it’s normal,” Jared admits. “I’m sorry, it can’t be normal, Jensen I don’t know what to do.”
“Normal in which way? It’s a bloody mass with the cord attached to it. Let me see.”
“Whu?”
“Show it to me, the baby’s feeding, and I can’t reach that far.”
Jared takes a clean washcloth he had kept especially for the placenta and grabs it, grimacing when he feels how warm it is, he’s almost scared it’s going to move. He holds it as far from him as he can, still being careful not to stretch the umbilical cord and brings it close to Jensen, trying not to gag when he feel some dampness soaking through the cotton of the cloth and wetting his hand.
Jensen stretches his neck to look at the placenta. “It’s okay, Jared,” he says, trying to repress a smile. “It’s what a placenta is supposed to look like.”
“Are you… sure?”
“Yeah I’m sure,” Jensen grins now. “I saw pictures. Can you take it away from my face now?”
Jared nods. He wraps the placenta in another towel, so he won’t have to look at it, then adds a plastic bag for good measure, and puts it on the couch next to Jensen -but not too close- because the baby is still attached to it. Time to cut the blood flow now.
Jared grabs the clean lace he had found in his desk drawer as he was speaking to the 9-1-1 operator. The umbilical cord aspect isn’t much more appealing, and Jared grimaces when he sees the membrane strangled by the tightest knot he could achieve. He realizes he’s been holding his breath during the whole operation, and it’s a relief to take a deep, hiccupping breath while he wipes the blood from his hand. He sits back on his heels and concentrates on breathing, to try and rid himself of the nausea. Only then can he hear Jensen’s laugh. He looks at him, hesitating between sharing his hilarity and being insulted, but it’s hard to remain serious, when Jensen’s eyes are reduced to slits and his whole upper body is shaken by laughter.
Jared smiles despite himself. “What’s so funny? I’ve never seen a placenta before… I was… I was scared it was your uterus or something even worse.”
“My uterus?” Jensen asks, then is shaken by another bout of laughter, enough to disturb his daughter’s feeding, and she shakes her head like she wants to bury herself in Jensen’s chest. She rediscovers the nipple and latches on it while Jensen tries to calm himself down.
“It’s not that funny,” Jared pouts,
“Oh yeah it is. Should’ve seen your face, man,” Jensen pants.
“Give me a break, I just caught a baby coming out of a human being,” Jared protests. “Even more so, a human being I’m very fond of.”
Jensen looks at him, a playful smile still quirking his lips up. “Is that so?”
“Yes, it is,” Jared murmurs, lifting himself onto his knees to kiss Jensen’s cheek.
The other man blushes and lowers his eyes, then shrugs. “Why the hell am I blushing now?” he mumbles. “You just saw parts of me I would have preferred to show you in very different circumstances. I mean, you got an eyeful.”
It’s Jared’s turn to blush. “It wasn’t like that. I don’t even remember what I saw… I mean, at no point did I tell myself, hey, here’s Jensen penis, it looks very nice. You had a baby coming out of you.”
Jensen laughs again, but more calmly. Jared can tell the birth is starting to take its toll on him. And he wishes the paramedics would hurry. He wants Jensen and his daughter safe, examined by a doctor.
“Well, just so you know, my dick is very nice,” Jensen murmurs.
“It’s something I’ll have to find out.”
The answer seems to please Jensen. He stares at Jared with affection for a few seconds, then tilt his head to look at his daughter. She's still sucking, but barely, like she needs to sleep between gulps. She’s wonderful, and observing her is making Jared wonder why he’d never been interested in having kids. He’s in love with the baby girl he just helped be born. The feeling has been instantaneous, blooming in him like a flower, as he held her, watched her take her very first breath. He was the one to witness it all.
“Your daughter is perfect, she is Jensen, she’s… She got me, the second I held her,” he whispers, and he can’t help himself. He caresses the small head with his huge hand, feeling the softness of her hair and the warmth of her skin. It immediately helps lower his stress level, which is pretty damn high, now that he thinks of it.
“I never thought it would feel so intense,” Jensen admits. “I mean, I’ve been loving her ever since I got pregnant, but now it feels a lot like my heart doubled in size instantly, you know what I mean? It's wonderful and painful at the same time. And now, I’m getting way too dramatic, I should shut up.”
“You always say that, but you never stay silent for long.”
“True,” Jensen agrees. “Does it bother you?”
“I love it,” Jared says, without hesitation. And now…” He clears his throat and winks at Jensen. “Now that your baby is born, I have to ask you something. Would you like to go out with me sometime?”
Jensen stares at him, his eyes bright and playful. “Yes, I would very much like to go out with you. On one condition, he adds,” which has Jared’s heart skipping a beat right there.
“What?”
“The ambulance can’t be far away now, and… I can smell it, you know?”
“What?” Jared is confused.
“The coffee,” Jensen says with affection, like he’s talking about an old friend.
“Are you serious?”
“Come on, Jared, just a couple of sips, I take it black and strong.”
“You… are you sure it’s okay?”
“It’s coffee, not heroin, and I’m not pregnant anymore.”
Jared nods slowly and lifts himself up. The adrenaline surge that has had its hold on him is slowly dying down, and is replaced by an exhaustion, mental and physical, he can feel in his bones. It’s tough just to hold himself up. “You got me wrapped around your little finger, you know?” he sighs like he’s been asked an impossible task.
“I know,” Jensen nods. I just had a baby, it will be my reward.”
“The baby is the reward,” Jared says out loud while he’s heading to the expresso machine.
He won’t serve Jensen coffee that has been heating on the burners for the past hour. Jensen’s first coffee after nine months of abstinence has to be worth it.
And the smile the man is giving him when Jared comes back with the small cup is also worth it.
The paramedics arrive forty minutes after the baby’s birth. Jared hadn’t noticed the time ever since Jensen arrived, but as the two men take care of Jensen and the baby, he takes a look at his cell phone and notices that the call he made to 9-1-1 had been at five twenty five, which means that the baby’s birth has taken all but ten minutes. It’s overwhelming when you stop to think about it. Jared doesn’t know if it’s the shock of it all still trying to make sense into his mind, or the endorphins doing wonders, but he feels ecstatic, despite the tiredness. The sensation of happiness that is giving him the energy to keep standing up and not collapse in a corner, living his stress, now that the ambulance has arrived, and Jared isn’t responsible anymore, is very specific. He doesn’t remember ever having felt like this before.
Jensen has a lot to say, now that the paramedics are here. He tells the story in detail, despite being interrupted numerous time by them, as they take his blood pressure and assess his general state as well as the baby’s. Jensen doesn’t care. He keeps up. “I swear to god I never knew I was in labor. Have you guys ever seen this? I mean, she practically slid out of me, I think I pushed for ten seconds total. Seriously, guys, does something like this happen often?”
“We’ve been on this kind of call before,” the youngest paramedic, who seems to be especially amused by Jensen’s loquacity, answers. “It does happen, but it’s still exceptional.”
“Jared did it all,” Jensen continues enthusiastically, not caring that his interlocutor is working between his exposed legs. “He was great, I don’t know what would have happened if he hadn’t been there.”
“You were lucky to have him,” the older paramedic agrees.
“More than lucky. Can I have something to drink, I’m so thirsty.”
“Sorry man, we’ll have to wait 'til we get to the hospital, just in case. It’s the rules.”
Jared and Jensen exchange a quick look. The empty coffee cup is resting innocently on Jared’s desk.
Older Paramedic has been busy with the baby. He’s cut the umbilical cord and examined the placenta -while Jared was looking away- then has used a small pump bulb in her mouth and nose. She’s now wrapped up tightly in a red blanket and fast asleep, back in Jensen’s arms.
“She’s doing good,” the man tells Jensen. “Do you have a name for this beauty?”
“I had about a hundred one, but, you know, I thought I would wait and see. I believe I would find the perfect name at the right time, so I guess… I guess she’ll be a little Leeloo.”
“It’s the name of this place, right?” The older paramedic asks. “It’s lovely.”
Jared can tell himself all he wants that Jensen’s choice of name doesn’t affect him, but his eyes are wet, and he feel all warm and mushy inside. He doesn’t speak right away, because he doesn’t trust his voice, but he smiles like an idiot, and Jensen smiles back to him.
It’s Jensen’s turn to be carefully covered with a couple of sheets and a red blanket, securely tied up on the stretcher.
“We’re good to go,” Young Paramedic declares. “If dad wants to ride with us, there is no problem,” he adds, looking at Jared and waiting for an answer.
Jared, in return, looks at Jensen. They have a silent conversation. It would be complicated to tell how they are related to each other in reality, right? And Jensen really wants Jared to ride with them. Jared agrees. He doesn’t like the idea of being separated from Jensen and Leeloo right now. He’ll probably never like that idea.
“Yes, he’s coming with us,” Jensen answers for Jared, because right now, they understand each other perfectly.
Curtain Call
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