Depressed
I am rather depressed.
I get this scholarship from the university because my parents are in the country, and I'm in the city for study, so I get free money. Yay!! So my money came in for this semester and I did the RESPONSIBLE thing and paid most of my bills. YAY!! I even paid ahead on rent (amazing!). Life was looking good.
Though, life had been a little busy. Prac finished last week and this week has been GO GO GO with a team of students from Sydney Missionary and Bible College (SMBC) over at Murdoch to help Murdoch Christian Union (MCU) run a bunch of things on campus to tell people about Jesus. I am even hosting a woman in my spare room. But all is good. I had spare money with which to buy decent food and keep both of us fed. I even invited some friends over a couple of times to get a free feed. Yay for everyone (even me, because having people over is one of the best things to do)!!
On my way to babysitting on Thursday morning, my car stalled at the end of the driveway. I started it again, but at the end of the street, it did the same thing. Then again half way down the next street. So I managed - in this start-stall-start-stall fashion to get it back into the driveway. I call a mechanic specialising in my car's make and he says that if I can get it down to him, he can look at it that day. Amazingly, it makes it all the way there without stalling! Amazing!
Less amazing is that while he found the problem and fixed it, while he was giving the car a service (which I'd asked him to do while it was in) and checking the brake pads to get replaced (as I'd asked him to do while it was conveniently in), he found a host of other problems. Which are ACTUALLY problems because he would say "have you noticed that rattle? Well, it's [expensive problem]" and I had actually noticed rattles and performance issues. It's costing a fair bit and Dad is very generously covering 2 thirds of the cost!
But it's still depressing. It's depressing that I paid off all my credit card debt (which is was only in the low hundreds anyway, so not that bad), but will now be in debt again. It's depressing that I don't have the autonomy a car brings. It's depressing that I received ANOTHER bill in the mail on Friday to pay. It's depressing that I feel guilty over any money that I could possibly spend because I know that James is working so hard to save for our future, and I can't save anything. I'm trying, but costs keep coming up! It's depressing how I'm so depressed and am stuck in this massive cycle of stupid money woes.
Shall we accept good from God and not trouble?" Job 2:10
"The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised." Job 1:21
I know that God has me. I know that these are light and momentary troubles. Part of my depression is feeling like I don't have the right perspective on these issues - which is cyclical.
Father, help me to praise you!
I get this scholarship from the university because my parents are in the country, and I'm in the city for study, so I get free money. Yay!! So my money came in for this semester and I did the RESPONSIBLE thing and paid most of my bills. YAY!! I even paid ahead on rent (amazing!). Life was looking good.
Though, life had been a little busy. Prac finished last week and this week has been GO GO GO with a team of students from Sydney Missionary and Bible College (SMBC) over at Murdoch to help Murdoch Christian Union (MCU) run a bunch of things on campus to tell people about Jesus. I am even hosting a woman in my spare room. But all is good. I had spare money with which to buy decent food and keep both of us fed. I even invited some friends over a couple of times to get a free feed. Yay for everyone (even me, because having people over is one of the best things to do)!!
On my way to babysitting on Thursday morning, my car stalled at the end of the driveway. I started it again, but at the end of the street, it did the same thing. Then again half way down the next street. So I managed - in this start-stall-start-stall fashion to get it back into the driveway. I call a mechanic specialising in my car's make and he says that if I can get it down to him, he can look at it that day. Amazingly, it makes it all the way there without stalling! Amazing!
Less amazing is that while he found the problem and fixed it, while he was giving the car a service (which I'd asked him to do while it was in) and checking the brake pads to get replaced (as I'd asked him to do while it was conveniently in), he found a host of other problems. Which are ACTUALLY problems because he would say "have you noticed that rattle? Well, it's [expensive problem]" and I had actually noticed rattles and performance issues. It's costing a fair bit and Dad is very generously covering 2 thirds of the cost!
But it's still depressing. It's depressing that I paid off all my credit card debt (which is was only in the low hundreds anyway, so not that bad), but will now be in debt again. It's depressing that I don't have the autonomy a car brings. It's depressing that I received ANOTHER bill in the mail on Friday to pay. It's depressing that I feel guilty over any money that I could possibly spend because I know that James is working so hard to save for our future, and I can't save anything. I'm trying, but costs keep coming up! It's depressing how I'm so depressed and am stuck in this massive cycle of stupid money woes.
Shall we accept good from God and not trouble?" Job 2:10
"The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised." Job 1:21
I know that God has me. I know that these are light and momentary troubles. Part of my depression is feeling like I don't have the right perspective on these issues - which is cyclical.
Father, help me to praise you!