STRESS!!
This morning started pretty badly. I had plenty of sleep last night, but as I was getting ready for work, I started getting stressed and anxious. I intended to leave by 9:30, but by 9, I was almost in tears. I was a bit concerned about why I didn't want to go and went online to see if Josh was also on and if I could go "AGH!" at him. He was and I did. It was helpful. I think I worked out what's causing this stress.
I've been at uni for 4 years and I've failed 6 units. I don't think I can fail any more. I don't WANT to fail any more. I handed in an assignment on Monday and that felt very good because I put good work into it. I have an assignment due next week and the week after though and I started by feeling a little stressed about them. But the thing is, in the past, I've failed because I can't deal with stress well and I ignore the thing causing me stress. So in the case of assignments, I ignore them because they cause me stress. This then causes me to fail.
This time around, I'm so concerned about not failing that I don't want to ignore the stress and I get anxious about repeating patterns in my past, so I get anxious about ignoring the stress. This anxiety about ignoring stress causes more stress. Stress about getting my assignments complete is compounded by stress of not getting assignments in and failing. It's this vicious cycle.
So anyway, I very much didn't want to go to work today but I wanted to give it a try, figuring that I'd feel better at work because I'd be distracted somewhat. I was distracted at first. I told the girls I was working with that I was stressed, so that gave me easy mind numbing jobs to do - which was going fine. But then this other woman came over and told me that I'd actually been rostered on to work in SHOES! GAH! I typically like shoes because the day goes quickly, because it's busy. But I dreaded it today. I told her that I was stressed this morning and didn't think I could work in shoes, but she told me to come over anyway and that it wouldn't be that bad.
It was that bad. I thought I'd tidy up, but that didn't take long and a few customers wanted answers to questions I didn't know and when I was out the back trying to find the right size for a shoe, a co-worker asked me how I was doing, which sparked this flood of tears. I tried to calm myself down, but 5mins later I decided I just wanted to go home. In tears, I explained it to the team leader and then again to the manager and they let me go home.
I cannot handle this kind of stress. I feel much better now that I'm home, with my books open in front of my and a draft itching to go from my brain, to my hands and on to the computer. I feel better knowing that I'm not ignoring my uni work, I'm not pushing it to one side, not allowing the stress to cause any more stress, because I'm just about to start working on it. I wanted to tell LJ about my morning though, because it was so terrible.
Morning's almost over though, just one minute to go :)
I've been at uni for 4 years and I've failed 6 units. I don't think I can fail any more. I don't WANT to fail any more. I handed in an assignment on Monday and that felt very good because I put good work into it. I have an assignment due next week and the week after though and I started by feeling a little stressed about them. But the thing is, in the past, I've failed because I can't deal with stress well and I ignore the thing causing me stress. So in the case of assignments, I ignore them because they cause me stress. This then causes me to fail.
This time around, I'm so concerned about not failing that I don't want to ignore the stress and I get anxious about repeating patterns in my past, so I get anxious about ignoring the stress. This anxiety about ignoring stress causes more stress. Stress about getting my assignments complete is compounded by stress of not getting assignments in and failing. It's this vicious cycle.
So anyway, I very much didn't want to go to work today but I wanted to give it a try, figuring that I'd feel better at work because I'd be distracted somewhat. I was distracted at first. I told the girls I was working with that I was stressed, so that gave me easy mind numbing jobs to do - which was going fine. But then this other woman came over and told me that I'd actually been rostered on to work in SHOES! GAH! I typically like shoes because the day goes quickly, because it's busy. But I dreaded it today. I told her that I was stressed this morning and didn't think I could work in shoes, but she told me to come over anyway and that it wouldn't be that bad.
It was that bad. I thought I'd tidy up, but that didn't take long and a few customers wanted answers to questions I didn't know and when I was out the back trying to find the right size for a shoe, a co-worker asked me how I was doing, which sparked this flood of tears. I tried to calm myself down, but 5mins later I decided I just wanted to go home. In tears, I explained it to the team leader and then again to the manager and they let me go home.
I cannot handle this kind of stress. I feel much better now that I'm home, with my books open in front of my and a draft itching to go from my brain, to my hands and on to the computer. I feel better knowing that I'm not ignoring my uni work, I'm not pushing it to one side, not allowing the stress to cause any more stress, because I'm just about to start working on it. I wanted to tell LJ about my morning though, because it was so terrible.
Morning's almost over though, just one minute to go :)