Ignorance and Jealousy go Hand in Hand.
I really think that jealousy is one of the most disgusting feelings ever.
So basically, I get really jealous when the boyfriend tells me his best friend comes over.
His best friend is a girl, whom I like. She's funny, and pretty easy to get along with.
I know he doesn't have feelings for her, but still, I get a little jealous at how happy he is to be with her sometimes. Is that wrong? Feels like it is.
I have nothing to be jealous about. I spend a lot of time with him, and I'm the one who has him. Not her, not any other girl. Me. But that jealous feeling remains, and twists knots in my stomach. I fucking hate that shit. I hate how I am when I feel jealous. When jealous, I begin to hate myself. It makes me feel shitty, knowing that I'm jealous. Almost guilty?
It's weird, and gross, and stupid and I don't like it. But I can't ever really make the feeling go away permanently.
Though I did take a really nice long walk/run. Ran around in my big-ass platforms, probably looking rather insane, for 3 blocks or so. Was more of a fast jog.. Felt good though. Walked around a bit more, sat on a humongous snow hill and just watched traffic go by. I honestly love going for walks when I'm not feeling so great. I almost always feel better afterwards. Just the exercise and just sorting all my thoughts outside in an environment where I am alone is just wonderful.
I really do love him. There's no other explanation.
Being with him was the best thing I could do. I was already on my way to being happy, and being with him just shoved me into that feeling full force. Whenever I am upset, I just have to think about how happy he makes me, how happy I am to have him in my life, and all the feelings I get from being with him and it helps a lot. It'll be sad if we don't last, but it will be so worth it. He's already had such a big impact on my life, all positive.
Hard to believe that I've learned so much from him, from a guy who I thought was just a moron. Sure he was hot, but he was an asshole. ..Pfft. Yeah well, now he's my asshole. And he really isn't a moron. He's fucking intelligent. It's nice to be with someone who can hold a conversation (if they wanted). I like smarts.
I seriously want to do something for him. Like..I don't know what. Something cute.
But alas, my creativity as of late has been non-existant. Whatever, it'll come back to me.
..I've just now realized how much I actually talk about Cam. ..It's kind of ridiculous. I really should stop.
So basically, I get really jealous when the boyfriend tells me his best friend comes over.
His best friend is a girl, whom I like. She's funny, and pretty easy to get along with.
I know he doesn't have feelings for her, but still, I get a little jealous at how happy he is to be with her sometimes. Is that wrong? Feels like it is.
I have nothing to be jealous about. I spend a lot of time with him, and I'm the one who has him. Not her, not any other girl. Me. But that jealous feeling remains, and twists knots in my stomach. I fucking hate that shit. I hate how I am when I feel jealous. When jealous, I begin to hate myself. It makes me feel shitty, knowing that I'm jealous. Almost guilty?
It's weird, and gross, and stupid and I don't like it. But I can't ever really make the feeling go away permanently.
Though I did take a really nice long walk/run. Ran around in my big-ass platforms, probably looking rather insane, for 3 blocks or so. Was more of a fast jog.. Felt good though. Walked around a bit more, sat on a humongous snow hill and just watched traffic go by. I honestly love going for walks when I'm not feeling so great. I almost always feel better afterwards. Just the exercise and just sorting all my thoughts outside in an environment where I am alone is just wonderful.
I really do love him. There's no other explanation.
Being with him was the best thing I could do. I was already on my way to being happy, and being with him just shoved me into that feeling full force. Whenever I am upset, I just have to think about how happy he makes me, how happy I am to have him in my life, and all the feelings I get from being with him and it helps a lot. It'll be sad if we don't last, but it will be so worth it. He's already had such a big impact on my life, all positive.
Hard to believe that I've learned so much from him, from a guy who I thought was just a moron. Sure he was hot, but he was an asshole. ..Pfft. Yeah well, now he's my asshole. And he really isn't a moron. He's fucking intelligent. It's nice to be with someone who can hold a conversation (if they wanted). I like smarts.
I seriously want to do something for him. Like..I don't know what. Something cute.
But alas, my creativity as of late has been non-existant. Whatever, it'll come back to me.
..I've just now realized how much I actually talk about Cam. ..It's kind of ridiculous. I really should stop.