Reality check, peeps.
So Lisa Rose posted this on Facebook:
Love this: "Always remember what your wedding day is about and who it is for: you. It's not a show for anyone else, not an evening of entertainment you provide, it's a celebration of an outward commitment that you and the one you love are making to each other." from Offbeat Bride Cori.
And while I would love to agree with that sentiment, I can't. It would be nice if things were that simple, but a wedding involves the one element that complicates and confuses all: people. If one person were planning a wedding, it might be that easy. But as soon as you factor in that two people are involved, the complication quotient goes up because no two people agree on everything. What you might cherish as vitally important to your wedding, your partner may see as not all that crucial. Now, just for fun, add in the couple's family, biological and chosen. Are they paying or contributing at all? Well then you have to hear their opinions, too. And really, even if they're not helping out, they are in some way involved, even if they are just showing up on The Day.
Even the guests' opinions matter. You are, after all, asking them to give up at least one day of their time just for you. Good etiquette requires a present, and you wouldn't be friends with people who have bad manners, so they're going to purchase a gift. If they live out of town, or out of state, or out of the country, they will be paying for travel and lodging, unless you have ceaselessly patient attendants who will put your cash-strapped out-of-towners up for the weekend. Your attendants, by the way, especially bridesmaids, put up with a lot more: you ask them to buy a dress, buy some shoes, buy some undergarments, throw a shower, buy a gift, throw a bachelorette party, make sure the groomsmen don't get too drunk, act as hostesses at the wedding and make sure everyone's having a good time and every detail is in place. Is the guest attending the rehearsal dinner or morning-after brunch? Then that's at least three days out of their life- which includes their job, their home, their partner, their kids, their friends- just for you. So the least you can do is provide a nice meal and a fun event. Ooh, talking of kids, are your guests bringing theirs to the wedding? Because if they are, not only do your pint-sized guests, who will be so overstimulated they won't even eat, count toward your catering head count, you are going to need to provide some kind of kiddie entertainment so the little darlings don't cannibalize each other or burn down the community center during the father-daughter dance.
A very good friend who is planning a wedding for another woman said recently of the process, "You can't please everyone, so don't try. Just please yourself and (groom's name) as this will be YOUR moment. Feelings may and probably will get hurt, but that just goes with planning weddings. The bitchy hurting people's feelings part is where I come in. Just keep focused on what it is that you want, and I'll make sure it happens that way. The people involved in this wedding are going to have to remember that part...that it's nothing personal, but I'm here to make sure you get what you want."
This "It's all about what I want, it's My Day, I'm the Bride" mentality is no good. It's no good to act like that at any time, including during and leading up to your wedding. A wedding is not just celebrating the commitment of two people to each other, but really honors the commitment we all make as family and friends to support the marriages and families of the people we love. It is about compromise, conscientiousness, compassion and courtesy, the same things we should bring to dealing with loved ones every day. And at no time should it even cross your mind as okay to treat anyone who is important enough to be involved in your wedding with anything less.
Love this: "Always remember what your wedding day is about and who it is for: you. It's not a show for anyone else, not an evening of entertainment you provide, it's a celebration of an outward commitment that you and the one you love are making to each other." from Offbeat Bride Cori.
And while I would love to agree with that sentiment, I can't. It would be nice if things were that simple, but a wedding involves the one element that complicates and confuses all: people. If one person were planning a wedding, it might be that easy. But as soon as you factor in that two people are involved, the complication quotient goes up because no two people agree on everything. What you might cherish as vitally important to your wedding, your partner may see as not all that crucial. Now, just for fun, add in the couple's family, biological and chosen. Are they paying or contributing at all? Well then you have to hear their opinions, too. And really, even if they're not helping out, they are in some way involved, even if they are just showing up on The Day.
Even the guests' opinions matter. You are, after all, asking them to give up at least one day of their time just for you. Good etiquette requires a present, and you wouldn't be friends with people who have bad manners, so they're going to purchase a gift. If they live out of town, or out of state, or out of the country, they will be paying for travel and lodging, unless you have ceaselessly patient attendants who will put your cash-strapped out-of-towners up for the weekend. Your attendants, by the way, especially bridesmaids, put up with a lot more: you ask them to buy a dress, buy some shoes, buy some undergarments, throw a shower, buy a gift, throw a bachelorette party, make sure the groomsmen don't get too drunk, act as hostesses at the wedding and make sure everyone's having a good time and every detail is in place. Is the guest attending the rehearsal dinner or morning-after brunch? Then that's at least three days out of their life- which includes their job, their home, their partner, their kids, their friends- just for you. So the least you can do is provide a nice meal and a fun event. Ooh, talking of kids, are your guests bringing theirs to the wedding? Because if they are, not only do your pint-sized guests, who will be so overstimulated they won't even eat, count toward your catering head count, you are going to need to provide some kind of kiddie entertainment so the little darlings don't cannibalize each other or burn down the community center during the father-daughter dance.
A very good friend who is planning a wedding for another woman said recently of the process, "You can't please everyone, so don't try. Just please yourself and (groom's name) as this will be YOUR moment. Feelings may and probably will get hurt, but that just goes with planning weddings. The bitchy hurting people's feelings part is where I come in. Just keep focused on what it is that you want, and I'll make sure it happens that way. The people involved in this wedding are going to have to remember that part...that it's nothing personal, but I'm here to make sure you get what you want."
This "It's all about what I want, it's My Day, I'm the Bride" mentality is no good. It's no good to act like that at any time, including during and leading up to your wedding. A wedding is not just celebrating the commitment of two people to each other, but really honors the commitment we all make as family and friends to support the marriages and families of the people we love. It is about compromise, conscientiousness, compassion and courtesy, the same things we should bring to dealing with loved ones every day. And at no time should it even cross your mind as okay to treat anyone who is important enough to be involved in your wedding with anything less.