(no subject)
Why can't I be a normal person? There's this cool Assistant psych post being advertised for Dartford. It doesn't even say you have to have a 2:1 but I can't fucking apply for it can I!
I supposed to be going to see Tool tomorrow but quite frankly I'm not looking forward to it at the moment. It being hot makes the anxiety about being in a crowd worse, I keep thinking about what happened coming out of Radiohead, I felt like I was going to die. That can't happen again. I will freak out or collapse or die. Thinking about it now is making me feel sick. I'm always really worried about getting claustrophobic on the train and the tube as well. I hate being fucking claustrophobic. It's also making me anxious thinking if I do freak out it will ruin everyone else night. I can't do this *sob* I'm too scared. Maybe if I had some vallies I could cope but I don't. I was suppose to see my shrink today but I totally forgot about it coz I'm a fucking idiot, I was going to try and get him to give me some vallies. Dr Dayson was too clever for that. He knew it wouldn't me wise to give vallies to someone like me lol. This new one is an idiot and he doesn't know me so maybe it would work.
I'm itching inside myself because I need to cut so bad. But I can't because Adam's only just gone to bed. Fuck I miss living on my own. I wish I had some cigarettes to burn with. I fancy some fag burns and a smoke lol. I need a drink really bad. Need to go and get a LARGE vodka. Things are building up and getting so loud in my head, why can't they just shut up? Shut up, shut up, shut up!