(no subject)
A lot of stuff has happened over the past week, fun, interesting, depressing, rage-inducing, heart-fluttering and so on lol!
Last Friday I went to Camden and met up with my friends Lianne and Sarah. There's a market and loads of cool shops there. Lianne has been in Australia for the past 7 months or so and it's the first time I've seen her since she's got back. It was great to see her. I bought some stuff: Sex Pistols t-shirt, Joy Division t-shirt, flourescent green and pink eyeshadows, pink mascara and a lunchbox with robots on.
I got quite depressed. All the pretty clothes that I love but I can't have because I'm so disgustingly fat. Fat people are not allowed pretty clothes that is one of the punishments. I'm just so ashamed of how revolting I am. We were in one of may favourite shops there and I had to go outside, I was trying so hard not to cry . I just wanted to fall to the ground and sob but I choked it back.
I've always been the token fat friend. I don't want to be that anymore. I don't want to eat anything ever again. Food is poison. But I can't stop eating. It's been bad again lately. I have no control. It hurts so much, I don't think I can convey how painful it is. It is all my own fault. I don't know what to do. I need help.
I had to close up one of my streched lobes a while ago and I got it repierced. I wanted more done but I wasn't sure of the piercer. When the guy at the till was talking to me he kept looking at my arm. You know when people can't stop looking. I was thinking for fuck's sake just ask. I wish I'd said 'If you have any questions about my arm just ask, don't keep staring!' The lady who pierced it was really nice. I would've been happy to have gotten more pierced. I can start streching it to the size it was before and beyond soon which will take a while. I'm going to go to the local piercer to see what they're like. If they're good I'll get my anti-eyebrows and back redone. I want my back done differently though. I want a star made out of piercings on each side. I want more. I miss my piercings.
Saturday night Adam and I went to see the Ukulele Orchestra of Great Britain. My friend Tom's Uncle is in it. They were so good and so funny. I think I had a smile on my face the whole time lol. They did the Sex Pistols, the Undertones, Shaft, Kate Bush, David Bowie and loads of other cool stuff!
Sunday I went to see Morrissey at the London Palladium. I got a ticket last minute from eBay. I went on my own which was quite nerve-racking at first but it turned out fine. I felt a bit shit when I first got there because there were groups of people that kept turning round and staring at me. I just thought fuck 'em in the end. Morrissey was amazing. The first song he played was Panic and I was beside myself. I thought I had died and gone to heaven lol! This one girl jumped on stage lol. It was all seating but everyone stood up anyway. He played 3 Smiths songs. He only played one encore song which was ashamed. He was fantastic and the band were excellent. My friend's cousin used to play in Morrissey's band but he doesn't anymore.
Setlist:
Panic / First Of The Gang To Die / The Youngest Was The Most Loved / In The Future When All's Well / I'll Never Be Anybody's Hero Now / Girlfriend In A Coma / You Have Killed Me / To Me You Are A Work Of Art / I Will See You In Far-off Places / Let Me Kiss You / I Just Want To See The Boy Happy / Ganglord / At Last I Am Born / Life Is A Pigsty / How Soon Is Now? / Irish Blood, English Heart / Stop Me If You Think You've Heard This One Before
The most annoying thing was the drunken snoggin couple in front of me. You know what I mean every gig has at least one! It's like 'have you come to watch Morrissey or have you come specifically to annoy me by snogging each other's faces off for the whole entire gig?!?!' He kept taking picture of her constantly as well with a bliding flash. At one point they turned around to get me to take a picture, she looked at me and held the camera up and I just gave her the biggest evil and so she asked the guy next to me instead. I'm a ***** lol.
He finished quite early. When I came out the Oxford Circus tube was supposed to be right outside the Palladium but the entrances were closed and I missed the entrance so I ended up walking down to the Tottenham Court Road station and had to get the train back to Oxford Circus and change. When I got there I had to change to a different line and had to go out of the station onto the street which was bloody stupid. So I ended up missing the train and having to wait another half hour lol.
On the train I sat near this girl and boy because the girl had pretty hair lol! They were sat behind me. They were being quite loud because they were drunk. I was listening to my MP3 player trying not to pay attention. This group of chavs got on at this stop and were being really loud and obnoxious, they were stood up by the doors even though there were plenty of seats. The girl and boy behind me started singing 'Should I Stay Or Should I Go?'.
I heard all this noise and turned round to see a fight. This chav had kicked the guy in the head. The girl reached across to protect her friend and this chav went for her and landed a couple of punches on her, that is totally unexceptable so I immediatley jumped up to give him some aggression in return lol. There happened to be two off-duty coppers on the train so they got there in front of me so settled for shouting abuse instead.
The girl (Kat) was flipping out and wanting to hit him so her friend (Motley) was holding her. I was stood in front of them in case the guy came again. I was helping him out with her a bit too. I had her head ni my lap at one point. I noticed she had some scars too.
We waited ages before getting into the next station where the normal Police and the British Transport Police came. The c.unt was arrested and he and his friends were taken off the train. The only thing we could think of was that he was annoyed at the singing so decided to attack. Prick. If it was that annoying he should have told them to shut the fuck up not attack them. I had to give my details and my statement to the British Transport Police. I gave my details to the normal Police so I'll probably have to go down to the station to give my statement at some point. The train was due to get in around 1 and I didn't get in until 2 lol.
I ended up talking to Kat and Motley all the way home lol. They kept saying I was amazing to the Police and me but I didn't really do anything. Kat and I were talking about SH and stuff. She said it makes her sad that I have to do it and so I said it makes me sad that she has to, touché lol. She had ana when she was 14 and stuff. She said I was pretty and then added that she's bisexual. We were talking about piercings and I was showing them the little scars from my anti-eyebrows. I was wearing my glasses and when I took them off Motley said I had pretty eyes and Kat told him off for chatting me off lol. I was getting lots of compliments it was weird! I put it downKat asked for my number and then got Motley to phone it to make sure I'd put the right one so they both have my number now lol!
They had to get off where I live because the train terminated there. They live about 30/45 minutes away. I got lots of hugs from Kat. She said that I could phone her if I felt like SHing. When Adam came to pick me up she told him I was fantastic and he had to give me good sex that night lol.
Monday I went to a friend's band play at this bank holiday thing in the afternoon. Was there with my friend Rose (who's one of my closest friends), her boyfriend Franck and her brother Jo. Got a bit drunk and got the courage to text Kat. Franck was playing in a pub on Wednesday in Canterbury, which is where Motley lives and Kat lives not too far away. So I asked her if she wanted to come down and she said they'd come down.
So Wednesday I got to Rose and Franck's and I'm really anxious because firstly I've put on a top that I can't stop fiddling with and secondly because I'm thinking of them coming down. I didn't text Kat until we got down to the pub and I'd had a few drinks. Dutch courage lol. Unfortunately she was poorly and couldn't come down. We texted each other for a bit. I said I hope you don't mind me texting and she said of course not pretty girl and I said she was the pretty one. She said to let her know next time I was around.
I'm such a Borderline :-/
So that more or less has been my interesting week.