its gonna kill me. . . . all the lies

[ether_ryath]

what a difference two days can make. who would lie about me to her? hmmm. if this persists, i may end up hurting someone. i am nobody to her all of a sudden. i wonder why that is? i asked and she told me that she heard that i was talking to someone else and apparently she's jealous. jealous of what? she is the one that wanted a single life. she grasped for her freedom. as a gentleman that i am, i let it be and questioned not. now, 2 days after she left she will not talk to me. not only this but she doesnt want me to say what a busy bee she has been up to. why is it so hard for her to tell me anything? this is some pain i did not forsee and it is fucking me up royally. why do people try to hurt me? am i that big of a target? what did i do? i never lied about anything like this and she douvts me. why? who has poisoned her mind against me? what did i do? why is this happening? out of respect and love i cannot say too much yet. but my patience wears thin when even i do not know what the fuck is going on. mike was kind. he waited. ask anyone who knows anything about me. i wait for nothing or any man or woman. i can only take so much. why is she trying to hurt me? she is not hurting me as much as annoying me. and this other person, well damn, i dont even know who you are (i have my opinions as to who u r) but pain is not something i inflict on others. i let you put yourself in pain and let you rot. the problem is this. she and i used to talk everyday and she wanted a future with me. then, all of a sudden, silence. nobody is talking and she wants me to keep things from my friends so she wont look bad. i think i am being a pretty good sport about all of this and can answer to all that i have done. i wonder if she is just too scared about something and cannot face herself or anyone else right now. i wonder. why is it that someone )one of my friends i think) is trying to hurt me. the only thing i have to say is this. I WANT MY FRIEND BACK! she means more to me than she does to you. she may be questioning it right now, but maybe that is all the fuel you need to start something with me. i refuse for anyone to hurt me. i refuse to hurt anyone else either. i cannot see past this. i cannot be sure but i know that i will end up with myself and nobody else to blame if i do get hurt. all you people are doing is pushing me away for no reason at all. she was not mine. i was not hers. we were friends that is all. nothing more nothing less. i hoped to have had a future with her. it is still up to HER. not me. honestly i do not know what the problem is with being open. what? are you two ashamed of me? or ashamed of eachother? what is the deal here guys? why keep a secret from me? more importantly audry, why would you keep a secret about me from me? if you think about things like that, damn. i do not know what to say. all these lies are about to stop. i give you a choice, either all the lies and secrecy come out now and nobody will be hurt, or you all can wait for the secret to come out eventually and feel pain for eachother, because you will not see sympathy from me. no. you will not hurt me, i just wont believe in you like i ask all of the people who will read this to believe in me. i am not the jealous type. anyone who knows me will say this is true. in all reality i dont give three shits. but also i hate this deception and will do everything i can to dismantle it, by force if neccessary. physical force is for the weak. i have my own brand i use. you will know it not when it all goes down, but when you are old in your bed and sleep your restless nights pondreing what will happen to you in death. such is my way. my ways are not for most to understand or comprehend, only for people to recognize as me. with this distressment, ha ha ha i leave you to your own apathy and worry. i for one sleep well all the time now. i need not another human for me. ha ha ha. yes audry, ha ha, i am cold. ha ha. all i can do is laugh at you now. when you see all the nonsense this makes, ha ha, i pity you. good night never land and i welcome you chaos. comfort me and warm me like no human can. ha ha. dont you dare even try to get mad at me. you created the problem you can solve it if you face your own music. i have. my music is not a sad tune, but rather whimsical in nature. it is not happy either but has undertones of lonliness. ha ha ha. and please, no lectures on how i am not lonely. most do not know the lonliness i feel on a day by day basis. ha ha ha. wasn;t it nice to see the other me for a while? ha ha ha. but i am back. colder than ever. enjoy the moster you all have created. ha ha ha. you can make it go away, but this is probably gonna take awhile. ha ha ha. i do not die so easily. ha ha ha

sweet dreams all scream for me!
JPXW