(no subject)
I don't understand why things are so exchangeable.
Like one thing is considered bad or mean when I do it.
But when someone ELSE does it (say the same person who said it was mean/bad) it's acceptable.
It's SO FUCKING ANNOYING I can't stand myself.
My dad took me to the urgent care today because I felt 10 times worse than I did last night, and almost passed out.
Basically the doctor said she had no idea WHAT was wrong but she was pretty sure there was something wrong and if it got worse to go to the ER so other doctors could figure out what was wrong.
She said my lungs weren't filling with air.
I wanted to be like "NO FUCKING SHIT"
P.S.... I'm a little grouchy.
so I missed an etire day of work. A day of work that was REALLY important that I be there. Father's day, a holiday that we get very busy on. A day they were counting on me. And I don't even have a valid prognosis to be like "oh yeah I had ____ but they said as long as I felt better that I was okay to come into work the next day"
I spent a good couple hours during the light headed, loopiness after the Urgent Care trying to come up with a good, solid lie but I think I'm going to be honest. "I felt like I couldn't breathe, I went into the doctor, she said my lungs aren't filling with air properly, but she couldn't figure out why so she sent me home and told me to take some motrin.
I want out of here. I want OUT OF HERE. I want to quit college and go be a bartender and find something I love to do and be FUN and enjoy life and find FRIENDS who aren't backwards and just stop caring about all the stupid shit.
I want to FINISH with this stupid university and join the peace corps and be sent to a place where I can work hard and depend on the other people and not be stuck with selfish, insensitive, materialistic Americans and learn to STOP being a selfish, insensitive materialistic American. And after I finish my two years of hard work I can move somewhere maybe close to a big city and get a dog and have my own place and make my own friends and THEN be a bartender or something I love and enjoy and stop caring about all the stupid shit.
***
On another, less self-absorbed pity-party note I'm reading "Catch-22" by Joseph Heller and I am intrigued. I understand about 75% of it, mostly because I've half-heartedly read it, but it is enjoyable and I am beginning to understand the backwardness and the humor in it.
I tried reading Clockwork Orange but I was definately unable to understand more than a basic gist, so I started on Catch-22 instead. However, I do tend to give Clockwork Orange a fair chance after Catch-22 and "I know why the Caged bird sings".
I discovered the "Classics" section of the Dayton metro library downtown and I am obsessed. All the classics I hear people talk about I finally have access to and am able to read!
Like one thing is considered bad or mean when I do it.
But when someone ELSE does it (say the same person who said it was mean/bad) it's acceptable.
It's SO FUCKING ANNOYING I can't stand myself.
My dad took me to the urgent care today because I felt 10 times worse than I did last night, and almost passed out.
Basically the doctor said she had no idea WHAT was wrong but she was pretty sure there was something wrong and if it got worse to go to the ER so other doctors could figure out what was wrong.
She said my lungs weren't filling with air.
I wanted to be like "NO FUCKING SHIT"
P.S.... I'm a little grouchy.
so I missed an etire day of work. A day of work that was REALLY important that I be there. Father's day, a holiday that we get very busy on. A day they were counting on me. And I don't even have a valid prognosis to be like "oh yeah I had ____ but they said as long as I felt better that I was okay to come into work the next day"
I spent a good couple hours during the light headed, loopiness after the Urgent Care trying to come up with a good, solid lie but I think I'm going to be honest. "I felt like I couldn't breathe, I went into the doctor, she said my lungs aren't filling with air properly, but she couldn't figure out why so she sent me home and told me to take some motrin.
I want out of here. I want OUT OF HERE. I want to quit college and go be a bartender and find something I love to do and be FUN and enjoy life and find FRIENDS who aren't backwards and just stop caring about all the stupid shit.
I want to FINISH with this stupid university and join the peace corps and be sent to a place where I can work hard and depend on the other people and not be stuck with selfish, insensitive, materialistic Americans and learn to STOP being a selfish, insensitive materialistic American. And after I finish my two years of hard work I can move somewhere maybe close to a big city and get a dog and have my own place and make my own friends and THEN be a bartender or something I love and enjoy and stop caring about all the stupid shit.
***
On another, less self-absorbed pity-party note I'm reading "Catch-22" by Joseph Heller and I am intrigued. I understand about 75% of it, mostly because I've half-heartedly read it, but it is enjoyable and I am beginning to understand the backwardness and the humor in it.
I tried reading Clockwork Orange but I was definately unable to understand more than a basic gist, so I started on Catch-22 instead. However, I do tend to give Clockwork Orange a fair chance after Catch-22 and "I know why the Caged bird sings".
I discovered the "Classics" section of the Dayton metro library downtown and I am obsessed. All the classics I hear people talk about I finally have access to and am able to read!