(no subject)
Woah.
I feel like a big steaming pile of shit.
I've been really lightheaded all night, I got my ass kicked at work, barely making 10%. Britt's mom came in to tell me she was back in the hospital right in the middle of getting my ass kicked.
I finished getting my ass kicked and settled into a slower pace when everything with Britt and work and sleep and lightheadedness kind of overwhelmed me and I was trying to get the plates set up on my arm to take to my table when Jose and Michelle were trying to help out and I was like just GIVEMEAMINUTE!!! and then took a deep breath and appologized and took the food to my table.
Michelle asked if I wanted to go to Walmart with her after we closed, and I was already done and off the clock, but I was feeling so dizzy and sick that I didn't feel comfortable driving home so I told her I would. SO I huddled next to the heat lamps in the kitchen to keep warm and chatted with everyone closing down. The cook Slim (whose real name is Jim. Slim Jim. haha) was there, Slim is the guy Jose(manager) keeps saying is going to ask me out, and has yet to do so. We chatted for a brief period of time, and then I talked to Josie (girl I trained with) for a while, and as I'm pretty much doubled over tried to keep from passing out Slim goes "I dont know if this is crossing the line or not, but something that always makes me feel better when I've got a headache or am feeling kinda sick to my stomach is a joint. It takes the edge off real nice."
I didn't say he crossed the line, and I didn't say anything BAD about pot, but there was a short silence and then I said "all I need to do is get some sleep." I could see on his face that he definately regretted that and I know he was kind of looking for some sign that he hadn't completely blown it, but I wasn't going to give it to him. I mean... pot isn't like the end of the world. it is definately NOT *my* thing, but I don't really give a shit if other people do it as long as it doesn't affect me (i.e. pressuring me to try, causing me to have to pick up their slack, etc.).
And if he smokes pot only when he is sick or had a headache that wouldn't be THAT big of a deal and we could probably find a way to work with that, but at the same time like... as much as I would really like to have a boyfriend, or go on a few dates, I am TIRED, busy and most of all emotionally drained (and scarred). And just plain scared. As soon as Jose started the "___ wants to know if you have a boyfriend" I KNEW it was a harmless joke but I was already on the defense, already finding a nice, polite way to turn someone down without hurting their feelings. It made me realize just how untrusting I have become.
Mmmm. Sleep.
I feel like a big steaming pile of shit.
I've been really lightheaded all night, I got my ass kicked at work, barely making 10%. Britt's mom came in to tell me she was back in the hospital right in the middle of getting my ass kicked.
I finished getting my ass kicked and settled into a slower pace when everything with Britt and work and sleep and lightheadedness kind of overwhelmed me and I was trying to get the plates set up on my arm to take to my table when Jose and Michelle were trying to help out and I was like just GIVEMEAMINUTE!!! and then took a deep breath and appologized and took the food to my table.
Michelle asked if I wanted to go to Walmart with her after we closed, and I was already done and off the clock, but I was feeling so dizzy and sick that I didn't feel comfortable driving home so I told her I would. SO I huddled next to the heat lamps in the kitchen to keep warm and chatted with everyone closing down. The cook Slim (whose real name is Jim. Slim Jim. haha) was there, Slim is the guy Jose(manager) keeps saying is going to ask me out, and has yet to do so. We chatted for a brief period of time, and then I talked to Josie (girl I trained with) for a while, and as I'm pretty much doubled over tried to keep from passing out Slim goes "I dont know if this is crossing the line or not, but something that always makes me feel better when I've got a headache or am feeling kinda sick to my stomach is a joint. It takes the edge off real nice."
I didn't say he crossed the line, and I didn't say anything BAD about pot, but there was a short silence and then I said "all I need to do is get some sleep." I could see on his face that he definately regretted that and I know he was kind of looking for some sign that he hadn't completely blown it, but I wasn't going to give it to him. I mean... pot isn't like the end of the world. it is definately NOT *my* thing, but I don't really give a shit if other people do it as long as it doesn't affect me (i.e. pressuring me to try, causing me to have to pick up their slack, etc.).
And if he smokes pot only when he is sick or had a headache that wouldn't be THAT big of a deal and we could probably find a way to work with that, but at the same time like... as much as I would really like to have a boyfriend, or go on a few dates, I am TIRED, busy and most of all emotionally drained (and scarred). And just plain scared. As soon as Jose started the "___ wants to know if you have a boyfriend" I KNEW it was a harmless joke but I was already on the defense, already finding a nice, polite way to turn someone down without hurting their feelings. It made me realize just how untrusting I have become.
Mmmm. Sleep.