two more weeks
in two weeks i'll be taking my first trip to Quebec...probley not for what i really wanted but because thats where the funeral is and his parents want me there which i think is great. the note that was to me was released to his wife so i never got to see what was in it...which to me is heart breaking...cause i knew it said more then him just loving me...very much...but at least she told me that part of it...maybe the funeral will help with the closure.
on another note my father is the biggest asshole in the world...i was talking online to a friend and he goes oh its only been a week and your already looking for a new one...OMG how could he say something like that to me i loved paul so much and i could never find anyone else not now maybe not ever to be honest i knew he was the one...and everything that came out after with me being sick i know no one will ever really want to be with me again...its true...i'll be alone for a long time...and if i do meet anyone it will never be the same thing and it will never go any farther then friends...and even at that i dont want to leave my house except for work... and that i dont go back to till monday then i take the time off for his funeral then poof back to calgary and work again...i wish i could die to be with him...but i dont know where we go after we die so there is no garentee that i will be with him...
Dear Paul,
I love you so much i wish you hadnt taken yourself away from me and orion and wil. I hate you sometimes for hurting me this much and ruining our plans for the future...but i know i love you more then i could ever hate you and if there is an after life i know when i get there you will be waiting for me with open arms and a "im sorry for hurting you" . but i will promise you this i will meet you there eventully...because i knew you were the only one for me...even my mom knew. I love you paul forever and always.
on another note my father is the biggest asshole in the world...i was talking online to a friend and he goes oh its only been a week and your already looking for a new one...OMG how could he say something like that to me i loved paul so much and i could never find anyone else not now maybe not ever to be honest i knew he was the one...and everything that came out after with me being sick i know no one will ever really want to be with me again...its true...i'll be alone for a long time...and if i do meet anyone it will never be the same thing and it will never go any farther then friends...and even at that i dont want to leave my house except for work... and that i dont go back to till monday then i take the time off for his funeral then poof back to calgary and work again...i wish i could die to be with him...but i dont know where we go after we die so there is no garentee that i will be with him...
Dear Paul,
I love you so much i wish you hadnt taken yourself away from me and orion and wil. I hate you sometimes for hurting me this much and ruining our plans for the future...but i know i love you more then i could ever hate you and if there is an after life i know when i get there you will be waiting for me with open arms and a "im sorry for hurting you" . but i will promise you this i will meet you there eventully...because i knew you were the only one for me...even my mom knew. I love you paul forever and always.