Only The Good Die Young
Title: Only The Good Die Young
Author: not_from_stars
Rating: PG-13
Fandom: Twilight
Character(s): Edward Cullen
Word Count: 2,440
Summary: He knew that him leaving was the right thing to do for Bella. She deserved to live a normal life and to be safe again. Nothing but danger and fear had been in her life since they fell in love and it wasn't fair to make her live like that.
Notes: Edward's POV from the events of "New Moon"
It was harder to do than he had expected it to be.
First, he hadn't taken into account how he would be able to see everything she was feeling in her eyes. Part of him was hurt by how easily she was believing the lies he was telling her. Couldn't she see how doing this was killing him? Couldn't she tell that she was still his entire world and life and all he wanted was for her to be safe again?
Safety that being close to him wasn't able to happen. She'd be better off when he was gone. He knew this... and he hoped that she would realize this, too.
The worst part of it was the way her voice sounded so broken when she tried to talk to him -- when she tried to make herself understand what he was saying.
The goodbye was ripping him apart. He had to leave now -- before he lost his resolve and gathered her up in his arms, begging for her forgiveness. He turned, moving with his extreme speed deep into the woods. He had to get away from her. He had to make sure she was safe from him and his world. Being with him just wasn't safe for her -- no matter how much they both wished the opposite was true.
If he had tears to shed, they would have been pouring down his face by the time he was in his room.
"I'm sorry, Bella," he whispered as he sat on the couch in his room. "I'm sorry, but it really is much better for you this way."
He closed his eyes, wishing he could shut out Alice's opinion of what he had just done. He had ripped apart the girl he loved -- and destroyed his own heart in the process.
* * *
Alaska should have helped him find peace. It always had before. This time, it didn't bring the peace and focus that it usually did for him. All it seemed to do was make the pain and loneliness that much more pronounced. Loneliness that he hadn't thought he'd ever have to feel again. It was just that much worse now. Now that he had found happiness and his soul mate -- and had been forced by circumstances to leave her behind.
His brothers did their best to provide distractions for him, but nothing worked. He just couldn't stop thinking about her and he saw her face everywhere. If he could sleep, he knew that his dreams would have been filled with images and sounds of her.
Alice didn't speak to him as much as she used to. She was upset that he had hurt the girl who had become her best friend outside of the family. She didn't understand how he could have ripped himself and the girl he loved apart like he had done. She didn't believe that what he had done had been the best thing for Bella. Like Emmett and Jasper, Alice believed that they could protect Bella from any danger that came around her.
His heart and soul. Bella had become both and he missed her.
He knew that him leaving was the right thing to do for Bella. She deserved to live a normal life and to be safe again. Nothing but danger and fear had been in her life since they fell in love and it wasn't fair to make her live like that. Her safety and her soul were very important to him and he had to protect both of those things no matter what the cost was to him.
And the price was high -- something he hadn't realized when he made the decision to do this. He had known leaving Bella would be painful for him, but how painful hadn't been clear.
However, no matter how much it hurt, he would endure it. She was too important for him not to. Her safety, her soul and her happiness was worth any price he had to pay personally.
No matter how many times his siblings told him that they thought he was being stupider than usual.
* * *
You didn't change anything. Alice's voice in his mind was angry -- and worried.
Edward sighed and opened his eyes to meet his sister's darkened eyes. "What are you talking about?"
"I still see her becoming one of us. Leaving didn't change anything. Her future still leads to her becoming a vampire, Edward."
"But we're all here," Edward said, clenching his fists at his sides. "Who else would try to do anything like that to her?" The idea of another vampire even coming close to Bella caused the anger to rise in him.
"I don't know. I can't see who does it, just that it happens."
"There's only one other vampire that knows about Bella and would want to hurt her," Edward bit out.
Alice looked at him. "Do you really think she'd dare?"
"She's not going to get a chance to try," Edward decided, getting to his feet. "I'm going to track her down and make sure she never comes near Bella again."
"You're not a Tracker, Edward," Alice pointed out calmly.
"But I could be."
She frowned at him. "Don't do this, Edward. It's not something you should do."
"The future does always change, Alice." He ran a hand through his hair. "I need to talk to Carlisle and Esme."
* * *
It made no sense to him that the trail had led him here, to South America. Brazil, to be more precise. It seemed like such a strange plan for the wild female vampire to leave the states for a place as full of sunlight and humanity as Brazil.
Then again, that was probably precisely why she had come here. So many humans milling around here; so much fresh food for someone like her.
He was in his hotel room when his cell phone started buzzing. When he saw the caller ID, he sighed in irritation, but answered it anyway.
"I said I wasn't coming back until this was done, Rosalie. No matter what your opinions are about all of this, I have to make sure she's not a threat to Bella."
"That's not why I'm calling, Edward." Her voice sounded off to him, like she was feeling something she didn't want to be feeling. "It's about... Alice had a vision... about Bella." The disdain he knew she felt about Bella was still in her voice, but there was something else there, as well.
Edward's hand tightened around the phone, but then he relaxed slightly, careful not to break it. "What about Bella, Rosalie? What did Alice see?"
"She jumped off a cliff, Edward, into the water. I'm sorry." She did have remorse in her voice.
Edward felt like part of himself was fracturing as he sat down on the hotel bed. He still managed to force the words out. "What are you saying Rosalie?"
"Bella's gone, Edward. She's dead. She killed herself."
"No." His voice was firm, like just saying the word would make it true. "Where's Alice?" Alice's visions were subjective. He'd talk to her and they'd find out that her vision had changed. Something had happened to change what she had originally seen. "Let me talk to her." It was a mistake.
"She's not here. She went back to Forks to see if she could find out what happened and if she could help Chief Swan with anything."
Yes, Alice would have done that. She had loved Bella, too, and her concern had always been that something happening to Bella would kill Charlie Swan.
"Thanks for letting me know, Rosalie." His lips were numb as he said the words. He was definitely not thanking her for being the bearer of this news.
"Come home, Edward. We miss you and there's no reason to track her down with Bella gone. Come home."
"No. No, I don't think I'll do that. Goodbye, Rosalie."
He hung the phone up quickly before she could protest.
What breath he had stored in his lungs was suddenly gone as his mind went over what Rosalie had just told him.
Bella was dead. She had killed herself.
The words kept circling through his mind and he clenched his eyes shut, wanting to block them out. That didn't help, though. All he saw in his mind was Bella's face... and the look in her eyes when he had told her he didn't want her with him.
"Bella..."
The sound was more of a sob than a word and for a few moments, that was all he was capable of. Making himself take a deep, ragged breath, even though it hurt, he tried to focus. He had to make his mind think.
Charlie! He would call Chief Swan and he would find out that this was all a mistake. Bella was fine. She hadn't killed himself and Alice had gone to Forks needlessly. He could verify for himself that Bella was safe and then he'd get back on the trail of the female vampire that he had been tracking all of this time.
He reached for his phone and making himself concentrate on the keys, he dialed the number that was still foremost in his mind.
The phone rang once and then he heard an unfamiliar voice answering. "Swan residence."
Edward frowned at the idea of a strange male answering the phone. "I need to speak to Chief Swan, please."
The voice became a menacing growl. "He's not here."
Closing his eyes, he tried again. "This is Dr. Carlisle Cullen. I'm a friend of his and I need to speak to him immediately. Do you know when he'll return?"
"He's at the funeral."
Those four words caused all emotion to drain from Edward as he hung up the phone without saying goodbye.
So it was true. Bella... his whole reason for existing... was dead.
"Bella..." he whispered, his face dropping into his hands as he sat there. "Bella, I'm sorry, so sorry."
His mind was screaming the same thing over and over again. NO!
How had it all come down to this? He had left her in order to protect and save her. Instead, it had destroyed her. In all of his imaginings of how her life would go when he was no longer a part of it, he had never considered that she would take her own life.
He had known she loved him, knew that she would do almost anything to be with him. However, he had thought that by being cruel to her like he had, her temper and her anger would keep her going until the pain had faded and she could move on with her life.
But it had all gone wrong somehow.
She hadn't healed from what he had done. Instead, she had broken and did something he had never expected -- something not even Alice had seen before it was too late. For once, she hadn't thought of Charlie or her mother. For once, she had acted impulsively and without hesitation -- if what Rosalie had said could be believed.
She had jumped off a cliff. His Bella, the one he loved above all else... he had killed her just as sure as if he had taken her life himself.
Edward lifted his head from his hands to stare at the wall. Bella was dead and there was no reason for him to stay here in South America looking for Victoria. He would leave Brazil, just like Rosalie had urged him to.
But not to go back to Denali, and not to go home.
No, not to go home. Not to go back to Forks and see for himself that Charlie was going to be all right. Alice would take care of Charlie -- and Jasper would probably join her there. Charlie would be safe. Alice would make sure he got through this and survived his loss. She would do that much for Bella. They all knew how much she loved her father.
No, he wouldn't go back to Forks. He wouldn't go and be haunted by every moment he had spent there with Bella. He wouldn't go back to their meadow and remember each time they had gone there and just been together. There was no place back home that he could go where the image of Bella wouldn't haunt him and her spirit wouldn't torment him.
No, there was no way he could face that. No way he could face being in a world where Bella wasn't. Not to mention, there was no way he could deal with the grief of those in his family that considered Bella a part of their family, too. Alice, Esme, Carlisle, Emmett, hell, even Jasper. They would all feel her loss. They all had come to care about her -- Jasper's slip not withstanding. The only one that would not mourn her loss would be Rosalie as she had made it clear more than once how she felt about Bella.
It seemed like the perfect payment then that Rosalie would have to be the one to tell Emmett and Carlisle and Esme about Bella's death. Let her deal with the grief of the family and all of their reactions.
Maybe it would distract them from realizing what he was doing until it was too late to change anything.
He had told Bella that he would never be able to live in a world without her in it. If she had died after what James had done, he had planned to make sure he followed soon after her.
Ironic that she had survived what James had done to her, but not what he had done to her.
He took a deep breath to get things planned out in his mind and closed his eyes. How would the best way to do what he wanted to do? What was the quickest way for a vampire to die? There was no way his family would help him die -- not that he would put them in that position. There was one other choice...
He nodded once and then opened his eyes.
He was going to Italy.
"I'm sorry, Bella," he whispered. "I didn't know things would turn out quite like this."
He got to his feet as his cell phone rang again. Seeing the caller ID, he shook his head and tossed it in the trash. He just couldn't talk to his sister again right now. There was no point to it.
He pulled his jacket on and headed for the door.
He had a plane to catch.
Author: not_from_stars
Rating: PG-13
Fandom: Twilight
Character(s): Edward Cullen
Word Count: 2,440
Summary: He knew that him leaving was the right thing to do for Bella. She deserved to live a normal life and to be safe again. Nothing but danger and fear had been in her life since they fell in love and it wasn't fair to make her live like that.
Notes: Edward's POV from the events of "New Moon"
It was harder to do than he had expected it to be.
First, he hadn't taken into account how he would be able to see everything she was feeling in her eyes. Part of him was hurt by how easily she was believing the lies he was telling her. Couldn't she see how doing this was killing him? Couldn't she tell that she was still his entire world and life and all he wanted was for her to be safe again?
Safety that being close to him wasn't able to happen. She'd be better off when he was gone. He knew this... and he hoped that she would realize this, too.
The worst part of it was the way her voice sounded so broken when she tried to talk to him -- when she tried to make herself understand what he was saying.
The goodbye was ripping him apart. He had to leave now -- before he lost his resolve and gathered her up in his arms, begging for her forgiveness. He turned, moving with his extreme speed deep into the woods. He had to get away from her. He had to make sure she was safe from him and his world. Being with him just wasn't safe for her -- no matter how much they both wished the opposite was true.
If he had tears to shed, they would have been pouring down his face by the time he was in his room.
"I'm sorry, Bella," he whispered as he sat on the couch in his room. "I'm sorry, but it really is much better for you this way."
He closed his eyes, wishing he could shut out Alice's opinion of what he had just done. He had ripped apart the girl he loved -- and destroyed his own heart in the process.
* * *
Alaska should have helped him find peace. It always had before. This time, it didn't bring the peace and focus that it usually did for him. All it seemed to do was make the pain and loneliness that much more pronounced. Loneliness that he hadn't thought he'd ever have to feel again. It was just that much worse now. Now that he had found happiness and his soul mate -- and had been forced by circumstances to leave her behind.
His brothers did their best to provide distractions for him, but nothing worked. He just couldn't stop thinking about her and he saw her face everywhere. If he could sleep, he knew that his dreams would have been filled with images and sounds of her.
Alice didn't speak to him as much as she used to. She was upset that he had hurt the girl who had become her best friend outside of the family. She didn't understand how he could have ripped himself and the girl he loved apart like he had done. She didn't believe that what he had done had been the best thing for Bella. Like Emmett and Jasper, Alice believed that they could protect Bella from any danger that came around her.
His heart and soul. Bella had become both and he missed her.
He knew that him leaving was the right thing to do for Bella. She deserved to live a normal life and to be safe again. Nothing but danger and fear had been in her life since they fell in love and it wasn't fair to make her live like that. Her safety and her soul were very important to him and he had to protect both of those things no matter what the cost was to him.
And the price was high -- something he hadn't realized when he made the decision to do this. He had known leaving Bella would be painful for him, but how painful hadn't been clear.
However, no matter how much it hurt, he would endure it. She was too important for him not to. Her safety, her soul and her happiness was worth any price he had to pay personally.
No matter how many times his siblings told him that they thought he was being stupider than usual.
* * *
You didn't change anything. Alice's voice in his mind was angry -- and worried.
Edward sighed and opened his eyes to meet his sister's darkened eyes. "What are you talking about?"
"I still see her becoming one of us. Leaving didn't change anything. Her future still leads to her becoming a vampire, Edward."
"But we're all here," Edward said, clenching his fists at his sides. "Who else would try to do anything like that to her?" The idea of another vampire even coming close to Bella caused the anger to rise in him.
"I don't know. I can't see who does it, just that it happens."
"There's only one other vampire that knows about Bella and would want to hurt her," Edward bit out.
Alice looked at him. "Do you really think she'd dare?"
"She's not going to get a chance to try," Edward decided, getting to his feet. "I'm going to track her down and make sure she never comes near Bella again."
"You're not a Tracker, Edward," Alice pointed out calmly.
"But I could be."
She frowned at him. "Don't do this, Edward. It's not something you should do."
"The future does always change, Alice." He ran a hand through his hair. "I need to talk to Carlisle and Esme."
* * *
It made no sense to him that the trail had led him here, to South America. Brazil, to be more precise. It seemed like such a strange plan for the wild female vampire to leave the states for a place as full of sunlight and humanity as Brazil.
Then again, that was probably precisely why she had come here. So many humans milling around here; so much fresh food for someone like her.
He was in his hotel room when his cell phone started buzzing. When he saw the caller ID, he sighed in irritation, but answered it anyway.
"I said I wasn't coming back until this was done, Rosalie. No matter what your opinions are about all of this, I have to make sure she's not a threat to Bella."
"That's not why I'm calling, Edward." Her voice sounded off to him, like she was feeling something she didn't want to be feeling. "It's about... Alice had a vision... about Bella." The disdain he knew she felt about Bella was still in her voice, but there was something else there, as well.
Edward's hand tightened around the phone, but then he relaxed slightly, careful not to break it. "What about Bella, Rosalie? What did Alice see?"
"She jumped off a cliff, Edward, into the water. I'm sorry." She did have remorse in her voice.
Edward felt like part of himself was fracturing as he sat down on the hotel bed. He still managed to force the words out. "What are you saying Rosalie?"
"Bella's gone, Edward. She's dead. She killed herself."
"No." His voice was firm, like just saying the word would make it true. "Where's Alice?" Alice's visions were subjective. He'd talk to her and they'd find out that her vision had changed. Something had happened to change what she had originally seen. "Let me talk to her." It was a mistake.
"She's not here. She went back to Forks to see if she could find out what happened and if she could help Chief Swan with anything."
Yes, Alice would have done that. She had loved Bella, too, and her concern had always been that something happening to Bella would kill Charlie Swan.
"Thanks for letting me know, Rosalie." His lips were numb as he said the words. He was definitely not thanking her for being the bearer of this news.
"Come home, Edward. We miss you and there's no reason to track her down with Bella gone. Come home."
"No. No, I don't think I'll do that. Goodbye, Rosalie."
He hung the phone up quickly before she could protest.
What breath he had stored in his lungs was suddenly gone as his mind went over what Rosalie had just told him.
Bella was dead. She had killed herself.
The words kept circling through his mind and he clenched his eyes shut, wanting to block them out. That didn't help, though. All he saw in his mind was Bella's face... and the look in her eyes when he had told her he didn't want her with him.
"Bella..."
The sound was more of a sob than a word and for a few moments, that was all he was capable of. Making himself take a deep, ragged breath, even though it hurt, he tried to focus. He had to make his mind think.
Charlie! He would call Chief Swan and he would find out that this was all a mistake. Bella was fine. She hadn't killed himself and Alice had gone to Forks needlessly. He could verify for himself that Bella was safe and then he'd get back on the trail of the female vampire that he had been tracking all of this time.
He reached for his phone and making himself concentrate on the keys, he dialed the number that was still foremost in his mind.
The phone rang once and then he heard an unfamiliar voice answering. "Swan residence."
Edward frowned at the idea of a strange male answering the phone. "I need to speak to Chief Swan, please."
The voice became a menacing growl. "He's not here."
Closing his eyes, he tried again. "This is Dr. Carlisle Cullen. I'm a friend of his and I need to speak to him immediately. Do you know when he'll return?"
"He's at the funeral."
Those four words caused all emotion to drain from Edward as he hung up the phone without saying goodbye.
So it was true. Bella... his whole reason for existing... was dead.
"Bella..." he whispered, his face dropping into his hands as he sat there. "Bella, I'm sorry, so sorry."
His mind was screaming the same thing over and over again. NO!
How had it all come down to this? He had left her in order to protect and save her. Instead, it had destroyed her. In all of his imaginings of how her life would go when he was no longer a part of it, he had never considered that she would take her own life.
He had known she loved him, knew that she would do almost anything to be with him. However, he had thought that by being cruel to her like he had, her temper and her anger would keep her going until the pain had faded and she could move on with her life.
But it had all gone wrong somehow.
She hadn't healed from what he had done. Instead, she had broken and did something he had never expected -- something not even Alice had seen before it was too late. For once, she hadn't thought of Charlie or her mother. For once, she had acted impulsively and without hesitation -- if what Rosalie had said could be believed.
She had jumped off a cliff. His Bella, the one he loved above all else... he had killed her just as sure as if he had taken her life himself.
Edward lifted his head from his hands to stare at the wall. Bella was dead and there was no reason for him to stay here in South America looking for Victoria. He would leave Brazil, just like Rosalie had urged him to.
But not to go back to Denali, and not to go home.
No, not to go home. Not to go back to Forks and see for himself that Charlie was going to be all right. Alice would take care of Charlie -- and Jasper would probably join her there. Charlie would be safe. Alice would make sure he got through this and survived his loss. She would do that much for Bella. They all knew how much she loved her father.
No, he wouldn't go back to Forks. He wouldn't go and be haunted by every moment he had spent there with Bella. He wouldn't go back to their meadow and remember each time they had gone there and just been together. There was no place back home that he could go where the image of Bella wouldn't haunt him and her spirit wouldn't torment him.
No, there was no way he could face that. No way he could face being in a world where Bella wasn't. Not to mention, there was no way he could deal with the grief of those in his family that considered Bella a part of their family, too. Alice, Esme, Carlisle, Emmett, hell, even Jasper. They would all feel her loss. They all had come to care about her -- Jasper's slip not withstanding. The only one that would not mourn her loss would be Rosalie as she had made it clear more than once how she felt about Bella.
It seemed like the perfect payment then that Rosalie would have to be the one to tell Emmett and Carlisle and Esme about Bella's death. Let her deal with the grief of the family and all of their reactions.
Maybe it would distract them from realizing what he was doing until it was too late to change anything.
He had told Bella that he would never be able to live in a world without her in it. If she had died after what James had done, he had planned to make sure he followed soon after her.
Ironic that she had survived what James had done to her, but not what he had done to her.
He took a deep breath to get things planned out in his mind and closed his eyes. How would the best way to do what he wanted to do? What was the quickest way for a vampire to die? There was no way his family would help him die -- not that he would put them in that position. There was one other choice...
He nodded once and then opened his eyes.
He was going to Italy.
"I'm sorry, Bella," he whispered. "I didn't know things would turn out quite like this."
He got to his feet as his cell phone rang again. Seeing the caller ID, he shook his head and tossed it in the trash. He just couldn't talk to his sister again right now. There was no point to it.
He pulled his jacket on and headed for the door.
He had a plane to catch.