self control, Hol
why do i do this? is this normal? is it really normal, 6 months later, many many nights without him later, a few rebounds later, a freaking Boyfriend later, to be sitting on my bed and wanting nothing more than to talk to him. Why do i randomly get this little nagging to call him. I can't be doing this you know. I need to practice some self control here, and refuse to interact with him. It just doesn't work, for us to be in touch, or us to be friends or whater. it just can't happen, i just can't. can. not.
then why do i still just want to hear his voice. why aren't i missing who i Should be missing right now instead. its not even really "missing" though, its just wanting to talk to him. maybe its just the lonely thing coming in. maybe i just want Someone, Anyone, but i'm just thinking of him. its not really HIM, its just Someone.
hm. i think im just trying to rationalize it to myself though. because if i really admit, really dig down deep, get past the guilt of having a perfectly sweet and caring guy right in my arms.... i do miss him. There is still a connection there. It's undeniable and we both know it. It's just not fair that we can't even have any little part of it. we just can't. i just can't.
then why do i still just want to hear his voice. why aren't i missing who i Should be missing right now instead. its not even really "missing" though, its just wanting to talk to him. maybe its just the lonely thing coming in. maybe i just want Someone, Anyone, but i'm just thinking of him. its not really HIM, its just Someone.
hm. i think im just trying to rationalize it to myself though. because if i really admit, really dig down deep, get past the guilt of having a perfectly sweet and caring guy right in my arms.... i do miss him. There is still a connection there. It's undeniable and we both know it. It's just not fair that we can't even have any little part of it. we just can't. i just can't.