feelin blah
Why do I feel like something is missing? When I'm with him everything feels perfect. But sitting up at 11 at night, by myself, I know he's asleep so I don't want to call. And besides, this isn't about him. I have a feeling he can't make this feeling go away.
I think I'm remembering why I used to do the whole God thing. I'm remembering why I believe all of this. Tonight at worship... I don't know. Something sort of clicked.
He was there though. Haven't seen him in weeks. It was weird. But we just ignored each other, didn't even make eye contact. Which is frustrating, but for the best I suppose. As much as I hate to admit it, it was the right thing for us to not see each other at all for a while. And I still couldn't help but feel something (not quite sure what) when I saw him tonight. Sometimes I wonder if those indescribable feelings will ever leave either of us alone.
But despite him being there, it felt good to worship. I can't even remember the last time I actually meant what I was singing. I don't think I've ever been this far away before. It scares me. I can fake it and just distract myself, and pretend that school and boys and friends are keeping me satisfied. I can even persuade myself that they are. But there are always those moments, aren't there? When you just feel the hole that nothing else is filling. No matter how many things you try to put into it, they just keep falling through and leaving you more dissatisfied and dissapointed and lonely. I guess I've just been waiting to actually want God again. I think I'm getting closer. Because life sucks without him. Its just a matter of realizing it. and admitting it. And then actually doing something about it.
I think I'm remembering why I used to do the whole God thing. I'm remembering why I believe all of this. Tonight at worship... I don't know. Something sort of clicked.
He was there though. Haven't seen him in weeks. It was weird. But we just ignored each other, didn't even make eye contact. Which is frustrating, but for the best I suppose. As much as I hate to admit it, it was the right thing for us to not see each other at all for a while. And I still couldn't help but feel something (not quite sure what) when I saw him tonight. Sometimes I wonder if those indescribable feelings will ever leave either of us alone.
But despite him being there, it felt good to worship. I can't even remember the last time I actually meant what I was singing. I don't think I've ever been this far away before. It scares me. I can fake it and just distract myself, and pretend that school and boys and friends are keeping me satisfied. I can even persuade myself that they are. But there are always those moments, aren't there? When you just feel the hole that nothing else is filling. No matter how many things you try to put into it, they just keep falling through and leaving you more dissatisfied and dissapointed and lonely. I guess I've just been waiting to actually want God again. I think I'm getting closer. Because life sucks without him. Its just a matter of realizing it. and admitting it. And then actually doing something about it.