clea update and sharing some thoughts..
clea's on the upswing again...
she's eating well, she's playing again, and she's pretty much back to normal as far as her behavior and attitude are concerned. definitely good news, yet my feelings of relief are very cautious. i know now that this is going to be a vicious cycle, yet i'm so grateful for any extra time she may have.
i have those of you who care about her and all your kind thoughts and offers of healing energy to thank for this, i'm sure. most certainly her treatments have had a big hand in her turnaround over the past 36 hours, but i've never underestimated the power that hope and kindness have when it comes to giving strength to the spirit.
now that we know it's spreading, it's almost definite that this will happen again. her particular type of cancer makes her body produce an excess of a particular hormone, which in turn forces her body to dump an excess of calcium into her bloodstream, which in turn taxes her kidneys severely. there's not much more we can do other than repeat her current treatment the next time she first shows signs of kidney distress. now we know exactly what to watch for so we can catch it immediately. as long as she keeps snapping back like this, it's the best thing for her. unfortunately, kidneys don't repair themselves, there's only so much stress they can take. we also have to keep an eye on her breathing now that those shadowy areas have appeared on her lungs. *sigh*
once she loses that sparkle in her eye, once she lets me know she's ready (and they do), we'll put her on morphine for the pain, make her comfortable here at home, and allow nature to run it's course. i will be with her until the end.
but i'm not thinking about that anymore right now. she's in the other room staring at freedom while he's trying to eat and she was just playing fetch with me an hour ago. she's been playing on and off all day. she's not ready to go yet, but i'm beginning to accept that it may happen sooner than i want it to. doesn't it always though?
for now, i'll just pray that her diet will slow the progress down. i think it has already. when i first read up on her type of cancer, there was frequent use of the words "aggressive" and "difficult to treat" and the prognosis never seemed to extend beyond 3-6 months without the use of chemo and radiation, and those often weren't quality months when those options were used. however, i've read case histories of a few dogs who survived another year or two and their only "treatment" was diet and other holistic approaches, in addition to supportive medical treatment, all like that which clea has been receiving. we'll see. it's been 3 months already, but we're taking this one day at a time now.
she's comfortable and happy and still loving life, that's what's important to me. at first, i was finding this too hard to deal with, this long drawn out battle, but now i'm grateful we have time to appreciate this, her final journey. however sad it may be, it's still important that we do this well and fill her days with as much love and joy as possible, and accept the lessons this has to offer, for surely there are many.
i can already see the obvious: live every day as if it were your last, love as if you'll never love again-- hold close those you care about, through the good times and the bad, and never give up hope. it all sounds almost trite, but it's so very true.
sometimes we need reminders of this.
a friend of mine wrote to me last year after my family lost our kitty selena, and she said something that really struck a chord in me. in response to the often asked question of "why must their lives be so short??" she said:
"because they are born perfect. we are born with a great deal to learn; they are born only with a great deal to give. they give us all they have, and then, who knows, maybe as their final gift, they depart the planet at an age that to us seems far too young... but i can't even imagine the grief we'd suffer if they lived, our truest friends, side-by-side with us, for 50 years and then we lost them." ~*~
maybe that's why the lives of our animal friends are often so brief as compared to ours; they're here to remind us that life is fleeting, that every moment has it's value, and to offer us a chance to experience (and express) unconditional love. they teach us those lessons that should be obvious, but are often lost in the distractions of day to day life. they force us to live in the here and now, because we know their time is short and we want to make the best of it.
we should do that with everyone we care about.
~*~thank you kris, for those lovely words.
she's eating well, she's playing again, and she's pretty much back to normal as far as her behavior and attitude are concerned. definitely good news, yet my feelings of relief are very cautious. i know now that this is going to be a vicious cycle, yet i'm so grateful for any extra time she may have.
i have those of you who care about her and all your kind thoughts and offers of healing energy to thank for this, i'm sure. most certainly her treatments have had a big hand in her turnaround over the past 36 hours, but i've never underestimated the power that hope and kindness have when it comes to giving strength to the spirit.
now that we know it's spreading, it's almost definite that this will happen again. her particular type of cancer makes her body produce an excess of a particular hormone, which in turn forces her body to dump an excess of calcium into her bloodstream, which in turn taxes her kidneys severely. there's not much more we can do other than repeat her current treatment the next time she first shows signs of kidney distress. now we know exactly what to watch for so we can catch it immediately. as long as she keeps snapping back like this, it's the best thing for her. unfortunately, kidneys don't repair themselves, there's only so much stress they can take. we also have to keep an eye on her breathing now that those shadowy areas have appeared on her lungs. *sigh*
once she loses that sparkle in her eye, once she lets me know she's ready (and they do), we'll put her on morphine for the pain, make her comfortable here at home, and allow nature to run it's course. i will be with her until the end.
but i'm not thinking about that anymore right now. she's in the other room staring at freedom while he's trying to eat and she was just playing fetch with me an hour ago. she's been playing on and off all day. she's not ready to go yet, but i'm beginning to accept that it may happen sooner than i want it to. doesn't it always though?
for now, i'll just pray that her diet will slow the progress down. i think it has already. when i first read up on her type of cancer, there was frequent use of the words "aggressive" and "difficult to treat" and the prognosis never seemed to extend beyond 3-6 months without the use of chemo and radiation, and those often weren't quality months when those options were used. however, i've read case histories of a few dogs who survived another year or two and their only "treatment" was diet and other holistic approaches, in addition to supportive medical treatment, all like that which clea has been receiving. we'll see. it's been 3 months already, but we're taking this one day at a time now.
she's comfortable and happy and still loving life, that's what's important to me. at first, i was finding this too hard to deal with, this long drawn out battle, but now i'm grateful we have time to appreciate this, her final journey. however sad it may be, it's still important that we do this well and fill her days with as much love and joy as possible, and accept the lessons this has to offer, for surely there are many.
i can already see the obvious: live every day as if it were your last, love as if you'll never love again-- hold close those you care about, through the good times and the bad, and never give up hope. it all sounds almost trite, but it's so very true.
sometimes we need reminders of this.
a friend of mine wrote to me last year after my family lost our kitty selena, and she said something that really struck a chord in me. in response to the often asked question of "why must their lives be so short??" she said:
"because they are born perfect. we are born with a great deal to learn; they are born only with a great deal to give. they give us all they have, and then, who knows, maybe as their final gift, they depart the planet at an age that to us seems far too young... but i can't even imagine the grief we'd suffer if they lived, our truest friends, side-by-side with us, for 50 years and then we lost them." ~*~
maybe that's why the lives of our animal friends are often so brief as compared to ours; they're here to remind us that life is fleeting, that every moment has it's value, and to offer us a chance to experience (and express) unconditional love. they teach us those lessons that should be obvious, but are often lost in the distractions of day to day life. they force us to live in the here and now, because we know their time is short and we want to make the best of it.
we should do that with everyone we care about.
~*~thank you kris, for those lovely words.