Out of the woodwork
So I must say that i am quite pleasently surprised from all of the people who have pulled together to help me. These have been the hardest days of my life and i'm not quite sure how this will pan out but if i'm listening to my heart correctly i know it will all be okay. Finally i've cried and allowed others to hold me, something i've never been able to do very well in the past. Everything is just so fucked up and i don't know where to go from here nor will i ever have some certainty for at least one week until Matti returns. I've never been so hurt in my life that i fealt physically sick, and food just turns my stomach most days. Hell it took me three days before i could even tell them what was wrong, and it all just piled right atop everything else. All this thinking, and meditating, and then turning around and taking my mind off of it, nothing really helps i've discovered and only time can tell.