Frustration level=THROUGH THE ROOF!
I'm currently stuck in a place where I couldn't tell you if I'm happy with my life or if I just flat out hate it. All these "things" keep occurring that cause me to lean towards hating my life, but as soon as I've sided with the little devil on my shoulder something wonderful happens. Call me ridiculous, but I'm one who tends to want it to be one way or the other. It seems to be easier that way. I mean then I won't contradict myself. I'm completely opposed to drama, but as you can imagine it always seems to find me. The crappy part is, IT'S NOT EVEN MY DRAMA! I'm just ready for a break already.
In my last journal I posted about my friends, and how they are..."lacking". I've gotten to the point to where I have friends (and I always will); however, NONE of them are my best friends. As much as it upsets me maybe it's better this way. Those people that I thought I could depend on don't even bother to call me anymore. One of them went as far as to sleep with her boyfriend; which surprisingly enough isn't what upsets me. I mean if you're going to have sex...have sex. Who cares? NOT ME! BUT when you decided to tell everyone BUT me and then proceed to tell them not to tell me...then go screw yourself. I don't have time for the "high school" drama. Because if at this point you honestly thought that I would judge you, you apparently DON'T KNOW ME AT ALL! So maybe I'm bitter, I've come to terms with that.
So as much as I'm completely and utterly against people being anything but genuine, it just seems that that is what I'm doing. I'm not trying to be fake, but I'm not exactly sure how I'm suppose to go about telling people that I don't want to be their best friends anymore, and that I stopped considering them mine a long time ago. Maybe I shouldn't worry about telling them, I mean after all they don't even talk to me anymore. HOWEVER, they still consider me a friend...a best friend none the less. hmmm...it makes ya wonder.
I hate going on people's page's (on myspace) and seeing how much they've changed. How they used to be such a sweetheart and now all they are is a superficial whore. Maybe I'm being judgemental, no actually I'm being realistic. It just bothers me that people can go from having NOTHING to not speaking to you if you don't drive a certain car (I exaggerate not, my friends). When they can come from a family that literally has NOTHING, and then some where along the line they decided that money matters and that if you don't look fake like the rest of the whores out there then apparently you CANNOT be their friends. That if your car isn't at least a 2004 then you aren't worth their time. And if your clothes don't have that name brand tag on it then there is no possible way that you could have ANYTHING in common. Ok, so now I'm exaggerating, but seriously. When did people get so superficial/artificial? I'm sorry but last time I checked, who you are is all that matters. What's on the inside should be far more important than what's on the out, but maybe I don't know anything. P.S. please slap me if I ever turn into one of these people.
It's official, my friends, I'm an idiot. Last week I threw my cell phone into the trash can outside, which means it is currently crushed at the trash dump some place. Now, I by NO MEANS did it on purpose...it just happened. BUT I am going insane without it. This is because I don't know any of the numbers in my phone. THe insanity doesn't end there...believe me. I can't get on myspace anymore. My computer is apparently blocking it. Every time I log on it just takes me back to the home page like I never even attempted to log in. Whatever. I guess when you lose contact with the outside world...YOU LOSE CONTACT. lol. Maybe it's not so bad. Maybe it's even for the best. I don't know.
So prom is coming up...and I find myself not even wanting to take place in it. The people I'm going with aren't even worthy of my company. HOLD UP! That's NOT me being a snob...honest. They are just jerks and all deserve to die...I kidd. They just do things that well...I don't. And I have to go with them because I promised them I would before I knew everything that was going to be occurring. I think I'm just going to tell them that I'll go with them out to eat, but I'm not going to ride in the limo with them. Mainly because I don't like most of the people riding in it. That and they think drugs are cool...WHICH THEY'RE NOT! So, whatever.
Oh...I have a full ride to college.