(no subject)
So it's official, wisdom teeth are the devil. Luckily for me, mine are gone.
So this month was suppose to be full of greatness, so to speak. BUT as of right now it has done nothing but disappointe me. I keep waiting on something wonderful to happen, but thus far nothing remotely wonderful has occurred.
My birthday was two Saturdays ago. I wanted it to be a good one. I actually got excited about it, and for what? I have absolutely nothing to show for it. The people that I actually thought cared about me didn't even call to wish me a happy birthday. It just seems as if I had all these standards that my birthday was suppose to meet in order to be considered wonderful, and it didn't meet any of them...not one!
For starters, I woke up sick. Who's sick on their birthday? ME APPARENTLY! Then it rained. I've heard all that crap a million times about how you shouldn't let nature affect your mood (cough, cough, MS. RICH), but it affected my mood. BIG TIME! I was suppose to go downtown, but because I was so horribly sick I couldn't even make it down the stairs. So I went the next day, and it sucked! On the brightside, I purchased a really cute purse from Urban Outfitters (my fave!)
In a week I have to attend my favorite teachers memorial service. This wasn't suppose to happen. I'm ready to just get it done and over with. I don't even want to think about it anymore. It wasn't suppose to happen this way. I'm trying to be happy with the new teacher, but unfortunately, it just isn't working. She's a really nice lady, and I like her a lot. BUT the work load=insanity.
Everyone keeps dying. It isn't necessarily anyone close to me, but it just makes me think that maybe God is preparing me for something bigger. I'm afraid to see what happens. Because I've convinced myself that something big IS going to happen.
I keep about how we are almost out of school, and I begin to get excited. Then I start really thinking about it, and that initial excitment is replaced with anxiety. I can't explain it. Here I am at the "penacle" of my life, my teenage years, and I can't do anything but complain about it.
I'm not happy with any of my friends really. The ones I thought I could depend on don't even bother to call me anymore. They do such things as making plans for their birthdays and they don't even invite me. Or they blow me off for boys. I'm at the point in my life where I don't care anymore. I don't care one way or the other. If they wish to waste their time hanging out with me, wonderful. If they wish to waste it on other, more important, things, that's wonderful too. It just seems as if I waste so much of my time being upset about the little things that people do, the unimportant petty things, that I forget to pay any mind to the important things that they do. The things that really matter.
So maybe from here on out I will just pay no mind to any of it. If they do something that is worthy of thanks then I'll give them a little pat on the back and say, "GEE THANKS!" However, if they do something that requires repremanding then I'll just look at them and say, "It's ok." Then all will be fine and I will "forgive" them.
Who knows maybe all this is ridiculous. Actually, I'm sure of it.
There for a while it seemed as if I had finally got back on the right track with God, but right now I can't say that it is still true. To be honest I couldn't tell you what I believe at this point. All these "things" keep occurring that cause me to question my faith/beliefs. And I guess I've just gotten to the point to where I don't know where I stand. Ultimately, I do believe in God, and my beliefs do follow that of a Christians, but I'm not sure if I agree with everything that I thought I did at one time in my life. I'm just so frustrated with it all. I'm hoping that next year will be an eye-opener for me, a good eye-opener, of course.
So this month was suppose to be full of greatness, so to speak. BUT as of right now it has done nothing but disappointe me. I keep waiting on something wonderful to happen, but thus far nothing remotely wonderful has occurred.
My birthday was two Saturdays ago. I wanted it to be a good one. I actually got excited about it, and for what? I have absolutely nothing to show for it. The people that I actually thought cared about me didn't even call to wish me a happy birthday. It just seems as if I had all these standards that my birthday was suppose to meet in order to be considered wonderful, and it didn't meet any of them...not one!
For starters, I woke up sick. Who's sick on their birthday? ME APPARENTLY! Then it rained. I've heard all that crap a million times about how you shouldn't let nature affect your mood (cough, cough, MS. RICH), but it affected my mood. BIG TIME! I was suppose to go downtown, but because I was so horribly sick I couldn't even make it down the stairs. So I went the next day, and it sucked! On the brightside, I purchased a really cute purse from Urban Outfitters (my fave!)
In a week I have to attend my favorite teachers memorial service. This wasn't suppose to happen. I'm ready to just get it done and over with. I don't even want to think about it anymore. It wasn't suppose to happen this way. I'm trying to be happy with the new teacher, but unfortunately, it just isn't working. She's a really nice lady, and I like her a lot. BUT the work load=insanity.
Everyone keeps dying. It isn't necessarily anyone close to me, but it just makes me think that maybe God is preparing me for something bigger. I'm afraid to see what happens. Because I've convinced myself that something big IS going to happen.
I keep about how we are almost out of school, and I begin to get excited. Then I start really thinking about it, and that initial excitment is replaced with anxiety. I can't explain it. Here I am at the "penacle" of my life, my teenage years, and I can't do anything but complain about it.
I'm not happy with any of my friends really. The ones I thought I could depend on don't even bother to call me anymore. They do such things as making plans for their birthdays and they don't even invite me. Or they blow me off for boys. I'm at the point in my life where I don't care anymore. I don't care one way or the other. If they wish to waste their time hanging out with me, wonderful. If they wish to waste it on other, more important, things, that's wonderful too. It just seems as if I waste so much of my time being upset about the little things that people do, the unimportant petty things, that I forget to pay any mind to the important things that they do. The things that really matter.
So maybe from here on out I will just pay no mind to any of it. If they do something that is worthy of thanks then I'll give them a little pat on the back and say, "GEE THANKS!" However, if they do something that requires repremanding then I'll just look at them and say, "It's ok." Then all will be fine and I will "forgive" them.
Who knows maybe all this is ridiculous. Actually, I'm sure of it.
There for a while it seemed as if I had finally got back on the right track with God, but right now I can't say that it is still true. To be honest I couldn't tell you what I believe at this point. All these "things" keep occurring that cause me to question my faith/beliefs. And I guess I've just gotten to the point to where I don't know where I stand. Ultimately, I do believe in God, and my beliefs do follow that of a Christians, but I'm not sure if I agree with everything that I thought I did at one time in my life. I'm just so frustrated with it all. I'm hoping that next year will be an eye-opener for me, a good eye-opener, of course.