Today was a good day
I did get to talk to Michael after all, though not about what I had wanted to speak of. I have some hope that if I said I loved him maybe the response would be not-bad.
He's beautiful. Even more so than usual, when he plays his guitar and he's focused on the music rather than me.
I discovered an alternative to hitting my head on the wall - run around and play ragdoll, gradually but unfortunately not thoroughly exhausting myself. Eurgh. I'm not even sure why I felt that I had to punish myself physically; I think it was vague guilt over my actions and feelings towards Michael, and his uninterpretable reactions. Bleck. On the bright side, I discovered that actually focusing on a fight helps me take my mind off who I'm fighting. (How many times have I learned this so far? Never counted. No idea. Many.)
MATS because it was Tuesday; Tom started me on doing some harder stuff, like picking up a bokken while rolling. I also tried to do flips and may have made a good start towards getting rid of that mental block I have with obstacles (on the other hand, I've made 'good starts' similar to today's probably twenty-five, fifty, a hundred times).
Saw Howl's Moving Castle. Howl is very attractive and also totally crazy.
Had a random encounter with David; he demanded pie. Had to negotiate the return of what remained. :P
Made a random friend whilst walking about. Freshman at Commie, methinks.
Multi-culti was quite fun. Possibly the best food I consumed was the venison stew in Steve's room (the U.P.!); second would be either baklava from Ken's room (Turkey), chocolate from Judith's room (Belgium!!!), or an extremely strong ginger drink from one of the two Jamaicas (Cindy's room?).
Command to my brain: Have reasons for prompting self-abuse. Learn to think well while in the grasp of strong emotion. Learn to think better and faster under all circumstances. Cease procrastination.
He's beautiful. Even more so than usual, when he plays his guitar and he's focused on the music rather than me.
I discovered an alternative to hitting my head on the wall - run around and play ragdoll, gradually but unfortunately not thoroughly exhausting myself. Eurgh. I'm not even sure why I felt that I had to punish myself physically; I think it was vague guilt over my actions and feelings towards Michael, and his uninterpretable reactions. Bleck. On the bright side, I discovered that actually focusing on a fight helps me take my mind off who I'm fighting. (How many times have I learned this so far? Never counted. No idea. Many.)
MATS because it was Tuesday; Tom started me on doing some harder stuff, like picking up a bokken while rolling. I also tried to do flips and may have made a good start towards getting rid of that mental block I have with obstacles (on the other hand, I've made 'good starts' similar to today's probably twenty-five, fifty, a hundred times).
Saw Howl's Moving Castle. Howl is very attractive and also totally crazy.
Had a random encounter with David; he demanded pie. Had to negotiate the return of what remained. :P
Made a random friend whilst walking about. Freshman at Commie, methinks.
Multi-culti was quite fun. Possibly the best food I consumed was the venison stew in Steve's room (the U.P.!); second would be either baklava from Ken's room (Turkey), chocolate from Judith's room (Belgium!!!), or an extremely strong ginger drink from one of the two Jamaicas (Cindy's room?).
Command to my brain: Have reasons for prompting self-abuse. Learn to think well while in the grasp of strong emotion. Learn to think better and faster under all circumstances. Cease procrastination.