Things I haven't told you yet.
Oh, darling. You *are* on my mind. Silly Sally.
You plague my mind with so many thoughts, it's not funny.
How many times have I given you the opportunity to exploit me in situations, and you didn't? I have an enormous amount of respect for you. You make a concerted effort to get to know me, you don't treat me like a complete failure. I wish you weren't so hard on yourself. Why can't you recognize the beautiful soul you so definitely are? But then again ..how is it, you can whisper sweet nothings in my ear only for me, myself to shut-off after a certain point ..and become completely defensive? You don't treat me like a silly little girl who can't make decisions for herself, (even though for the most part, this is true) who hasn't grown yet. I'm almost 21 ..I don't feel it. Even when I'm in the company of people in my own age-group, I feel as though I stick out like a sore thumb and people pick up on it pretty quickly, and reject me ..write me off. Assume ...judge. It's not easily being & feeling this fragmented as an identity, but you ..you understand me ..for you are so similar to how I am. You have been through so much, and I am so fortunate (knowing the private, closed-off person you are) you have even considered opening up to me, let alone the fact you have already done so. Our experiences growing up are almost identical ..it's absurd.
You know what it's like to come from a dysfunctional family that did nothing but fight all the time. You know what it's like to go without. You know what it's like to not be able to speak after certain point.
...
You know what it's like to have a life ruled by fear, and anxiety ..a lack of security, & control. You know what it's like to have to leave, and be elsewhere ..somewhere where it's "safe" but everything back there follows you all over town. Doesn't matter where you go. We are alike in a litany of ways. I feel lucky to know you.
You value me as a person, and you make me feel so special when you put aside time to engage with me.
You see past the flaws, and accentuate the good in me. You are Intimidatingly smart ..educated & articulate, but exceedingly modest. You are so sweet & nice to me, and I am never suspicious of it, whatsoever. If only you knew how highly I regard you.
I wish I could make you see this.