Inside of stillness, & silence I've never before seen/I had a nightmare of light that burned my eyes

[silence_excolo]

Tuesday, May 18 [Day 352]
About noon
Along the river by the bridge

For too long I've been... directionless. No, that's not the right word. Letting Fate take the reins, I've had direction, but... but I've not really chosen, just followed the pull, never knowing why. Just going, knowing I'll eventually learn, eventually be needed. Part of me knows, just

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[silence_excolo]

"Did you think I would just let her go?" I hiss, my teeth close to his ear. The audacity of this mortal, mage or no, coming to my domain to order my hand. I feel his pulse, standing this close to him. It is quick but controlled, like always.

"She is my student," comes his answer, cold as usual, "so yes. You have no claim-"

"Oh, don't I!" I cut him off, grasping him by the throat & pushing him against the side of the cavern. I slide the dagger from my waist band slowly, holding it up to glint in the light before his eyes. "Perhaps you forgot her gift to me?" I know he will recognize it, even before he feels the Pattern of it. "Left it for me with her sacrifice, her... tribute. Or had you forgotten?" Glide the cool metal close to his cheek, close enough for him to feel it without it touching - I would hate to spill his blood... yet. I love the spike in his pulse it brings.

There's an almost-pleading look to him, behind his mask of stoicism. "You must realize she didn't know!"

"I must do NOTHING!" I toss him to the ground. My eyes are wide now, staring at this fool of a mage. "My domain, my rules, and the knowledge of them matters NOT!" I kneel atop him and stab the dagger into the floor next to his head as puncuation. With my now-free hand I grab one of his while returning the other to his throat. There'll be none of his hand-waving or chanting here. "You come here, unbidden, unwelcome, to make demands of me that are NOT your right-" pin his hand under mine, this form's claws pressing just hard enough to hurt. "-and you do not even offer me payment?"

Ah, there it is, way back there, the tiniest spark of fear. He knew the rules, and yet thought he could get away without paying the price. My smile would put the Cheshire Cat to shame. "She gave me part of her finger, after all," I mention nonchalantly, inhaling. "Should I take the same from you? Perhaps levy a penalty and take the whole hand?"

He's gone stiff now, but there's the slightest shiver up his spine. It is intoxicating and not the least bit stimulating, and this form is reacting accordingly.

"I suppose," I lean in, whispering, "I could always take some... other form of payment." I press my thigh hard into his groin, letting him feel the length of me, growing harder at the thought. "After all, it has been so long since one of your kind has been here. Remind me, when was that?" I tease, rubbing hard against him. He tries to turn his head from me, but I shove it back to stare him in the eyes. "Oh yes! It was our dear girl and her gaggle of mages, searching so desperately for their dear Krystopher!"

And now I am laughing. "Poor Marius, trying so hard to take his place. what would she think of you if she knew it was all. Your. Fault?" I press my lips hard to his & feel him try to pull away-

And then there is pain, nothing but blinding pain! My skull feels as if on fire and I can only shriek and recoil from whatever the source may be-

Pain, oh gods, the pain! Who's screaming? Why can't I hear anything?! Dana. Where's Dana?!

[danashee]

She's talking about her family with her face all frozen, saying that her parents are long dead and a grandmother is mentioned. Then she starts talking about how she wished for her memory to start coming back sooner and then it did. At fist she seems lighter, happier, almost joking. Then she listens to herself and starts to think about that.

And why it might be so. She rises and starts walking back and forth, I sit and watch, also thinking about how I too wished for something and had it granted. What is it about this town,and its strange Power signature?

One moment she's talking and the next she's stiffened her eyes all unseeing. I wait for her to come back but instead she seems to fall deeper into herself. Still it take me completely by surprise when she leans over me, pushing me backwards, her hand groping for a grip on me. Finding it on my collar, pulling tight at my throat. I start to push back but then feel strange. It begins low down near my center. A pulling twisted up with the worst gut wrenching sickness.

I'm panting in fear and pain wondering what happened until I see the knife. Iron. And very close to me. Silence is muttering, to herself? or me? or some other from her memory? She glides the knife right by my face and I can feel all my glamours unraveling. The pain and sickness get worse and it is all I can do to keep still enough that the knife doesn't touch my skin.

She pulls me up off the ground, Danu, but she's strong! I realize I'm in so much danger right now. What if she cuts me with that knife? or stabs me? But no she merely throws me back to the ground, her eyes wide and unseeing. My attempt to roll away from her foiled by both my sickness and her speed. I freeze under her and she stabs the dagger down, twitching my head aside at the last second so the deadly iron sinks safely into the ground.

As my sickness starts to fade I begin to struggle, hampered by her grip at my throat as her other one grabs at my arm, nails digging in. Her thigh presses into me and I gasp as she leans forwards covering her lips with mine. This is not how I would wish for things to go. I'm sure she doesn't know me. But now her grip is weaker and her balance is off.

I gather myself and heave upwards. Pushing as much with Power as with my muscles. Silence topples backwards clutching at her head, and screaming. I lurch up to my feet and stagger the two steps needed to reach her. I wrap my arms around her even as part of me is demanding I run away as fast as I can. But something tells me the danger is over and that my little mage needs me.

"Shh...shh... I'm here. I'm here." I whisper over and over as I try to calm my pounding heart.

[silence_excolo]

My head, gods, it feels like it's splitting! For a moment I don't even know where I am; everything is scrambled, my vision swimming green & blue, with lines of shadow streaking the light. I draw a ragged breath & realize it's me who's been screaming.

Warmth, around my shoulders, & there's something red-gold in the light now. The pain is fading, & I blink tears out of my eyes to clear my vision. It's Dana, looking absolutely terrified as she tries to comfort me. Part of me wants to hold her, but something makes me wrap my arms around myself instead.

"Dana," I manage, a bit strangled, "I- That was... a strong one." I can't quite focus yet, so I try looking around. Looks like I fell to the ground-

Wait, is that my dagger?

I look back to Dana to ask & that's when I see it. The twigs stuck in her hair. The dirt on her face. Her clothes all disheveled. And that fear behind her eyes.

"I- I did this?" I don't understand! What memory was that? And how could I do such a thing? "How- did I hurt you?" is all I can manage before I start to feel sick to my stomach. I could have- I can't even begin to think of what I might have done.

What the hell am I becoming?

[danashee]

It seems to like and eternity that we kneel there. Her scream in my ears like a spike. It ends with a ragged gasp for breath. She opens her eyes, and I think, I hope, that it's her I see looking back at me. She wraps her arms around herself.

Dana,I- That was... a strong one. Oh Oak and Ash it is! She's back. She looks so dazed, so unsure of herself. I want to hug her again but I don;t know if it would actually help so I don't.

I- I did this? I nod. Not sure what to say. How- did I hurt you? I shake my head at that. "No." Scared me, yes, hurt me, no. At least I am calmer now and as long as the knife stays buried it can't affect me. I might be able to put up my basic glamour again. Oh Danu, she's seeing me without any glamour! I feel so naked right now under her worried gaze, I look away and start picking bits of debris out of my hair.

[silence_excolo]

She gives a simple no to my question, but turns away from me. I look back to where my dagger is stabbed in the dirt - I see no blood & yet... Iron. Oh no.

"Dana, I didn't-" Oh I feel sick. Even touching her with that blade could harm her! I look her over as she pulls twigs from her hair - her appearance is altered, somehow. I must have broken her Glamour.

But I could've done so much worse.

"I should go," I say quietly, trying to stand. "I'm not- not s-" my stomach is lurching up into my throat & I barely make it a few steps before I'm puking beside a nearby tree. Not much in my stomach, so not much comes up. I heave a few times, my knees shaking hard.

When I finally finish I stumble over & collect my dagger, shoving it back into my pocket. "I'm not safe to be around right now." If I can make it back to my trailer, maybe I can lock myself in, ride this out. However long it lasts. I can try figuring it all out later; first gotta get others out of harm's way.

[danashee]

I hear guilt and other things in her voice, Dana, I didn't- Shake my head again still not looking at her, "I am unharmed. And I do not hold you actions against you." I look up from removing the last of the debris and returning my clothes to order as she tries to tell me she should leave and stumbles, falling to her knees, retching.

I rise to go to her not sure of what I should do to help her and so end up hovering uncertainly. I back off to give her space. It does not last long and she rises and takes the time to retrieve the knife. I can't help the flinch as it comes free of the ground. At least this time I was prepared for the feel of naked steel and it lasts but a moment. Much easier to deal with than a visit to the town blacksmith.

I'm not safe to be around right now.

I look her over, noting how shaky her stance is and the extra paleness to her face. "I think the immediate danger is past."

I take a step closer, "And if you'll forgive my bluntness of speech, you look like you are about to fall down." I take a deep breath and offer, "There is a third option. Would you consent to let me put you under a sleeping enchantment? It would not last beyond the next dawn and the rest may do you much good." I push some hair behind my ear and try not to hold my breath waiting on her answer. I meet her eyes with mine, Perhaps for once I can use the way they show my emotions. I want her to see the concern and worry in them.

[silence_excolo]

She says she doesn't blame me, that she wasn't hurt, but she still won't look at me. We've got to get away, from her, from anyone I might- what did I even do? She- I can't understand it. The memory was mine, & yet... not ours.

Perhaps there was a reason I lost my memories.

She's on her feet, steadier than I am, at least. Moving towards me. "No-" I mutter, astonished at how weak it sounds, but we manage to back away a step. My hand is up, trying to warn her off, & now I'm the one who's looking away. Maybe if I don't look, don't see how she reminds me- maybe I'll stop remembering.

"There is a third option. Would you consent to let me put you under a sleeping enchantment?" A what? We shudder a bit, thinking of the dreaming. "It would not last beyond the next dawn and the rest may do you much good." I look up to tell her no- & see that she's looking at us- me. And it's plain she's worried. And if she could make me sleep through this... would it work? Could I remember without it taking over again? I swallow hard.

"How would it work?" And where, for she can't come to my trailer, I realize. "My trailer's metal," I mutter stupidly. It's more than likely aluminum or some other mix, not iron & steel, but still, would it hurt her? I can't risk it.