Inside of stillness, & silence I've never before seen/I had a nightmare of light that burned my eyes

[silence_excolo]

Tuesday, May 18 [Day 352]
About noon
Along the river by the bridge

For too long I've been... directionless. No, that's not the right word. Letting Fate take the reins, I've had direction, but... but I've not really chosen, just followed the pull, never knowing why. Just going, knowing I'll eventually learn, eventually be needed. Part of me knows, just

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[silence_excolo]

She looks at her menu before answering, but I could swear I saw it again, that flicker of something. And somewhere inside of me I- I almost feel a sense of loss. Like when I lost Krystopher, that kind of loss. But she hides it again, talking of her queen & I'm not sure if I'm just reading in to things or what.

She smiles, though, when I mention staying. "It gladdens me to know that there shall be more opportunities for us to meet." Makes me smile some. Can't say there's a lot of people who'd feel that way about me, I guess. She takes me up on the offer of a free lunch & I let her order first. I gotta remember, as human as she may seem, she's not - don't wanna accidentally offend her by going first-

"I'm not offended! I'm pissed off!!"

"But Sil, I didn't know-"

"NO! Don't give me that bullshit!" I'm pacing, I'm so angry. How could he?! "Maybe at first you- but then you just- you went- you went along & you dragged me with you!!"

The slap takes him by surprise, but he takes it. That just pisses me off more. I want a reaction, anything but this pity-party he's throwing. "Blood, Horus," the words his between my teeth, "you fed me vampire's blood. And you thought I'd be okay with this?!"

I choke a bit on my coffee & end up coughing. I grab my napkin to cover my mouth & man, but my face feels hot. My eyes well up, tears threatening to fall. It was him. Oh gods, it was him.

The waitress is waiting. "Ah, sorry. A Reuben & fries, please." Cough a little to make a show of choking. She makes a friendly comment about not breathing the coffee & I just nod as she leaves. The shock & anger sit in my chest, though, & I'm not sure I can look Dana in the eye without her knowing.

[danashee]

Silence is smiling back at me and and I'm still smiling as I give my order to the waitress. I'm expecting her to order and then we can talk freely once the waitress goes away, but instead her eyes lose focus and she chokes on her drink. I lean forwards in concern, as the mage grabs the napkin to cover her face.

The remarks that good as it is one should not breathe coffee, and Silence assures apologizes and gives her order. Her face is flushed and she's not looking at me or at anything in particular. I'm sure that something is wrong. I would like her to tell me, because I want to help. I want to see her smile at me again. So I borrow something I have heard the mortals ask each other. "Are you okay?"

[silence_excolo]

I stare out the window a bit, trying to sort through- whatever the crap is going on with me. My head is muddled, like I can't focus. Too much noise.

"Are you okay?"

Dana. What do I say this time? Another lie? "Uhm, maybe." Maybe? "I mean yah, just-" put the napkin down & turn back towards her. "Sometimes I get a little... lost, I guess. In my head." Well, if that doesn't sound crazy, I don't know what does. "It's not something I usually talk about." It's also not usually this... intense. What's going on, & why now?

[danashee]

Her answer is all chopped up into small parts, Uhm, maybe.I mean yah, just- She puts the napkin back down and turns to face me. Sometimes I get a little... lost, I guess. In my head. she tells me, clearly uncomfortable with saying so. It's not something I usually talk about.

I consider what she has told me. Getting lost inside her head she says, and the way her eyes stop seeing what is before her. I didn't feel any Power focused on her or coming from her during those two times so it's clearly not an enchantment or charm. Though perhaps the opposite. Perhaps this is the lifting of one.

I lower my voice so that there is no danger of being overheard as I ask,"Are you getting lost in memories that seem new to you or old and familiar?"

[silence_excolo]

She takes a moment, digesting what I've said, I guess, while looking me over. Not sure I like the scrutiny, but at least she's not laughing. She then leans in a bit & asks quietly, "Are you getting lost in memories that seem new to you or old and familiar?"

Now I'm the one doing the scrutinizing. My mouth is hanging open, but I can't think of how to respond. There was no sparkle & I don't think Fae kind have power to see into the mind, but still.

"H-how..." take a quick swig of coffee, as my mouth's gone dry. "Yes. To both. How did you know?"

[danashee]

She stares at me her mouth open. Ah! so it is something to do with her memories.

H-how...Yes. To both. How did you know? And she hastily drinks some of her coffee. I can't stop the little smile that comes as she answers my question. But I can't bring myself to keep this from her, "It was a lucky guess."

"Some among my people are skilled in clouding minds, and memories in particular. When the enchantment breaks or wears off, the memories rush back."

[silence_excolo]

Of course; enchantments. Makes sense, as her kind are constantly disguised. If anyone happened to see their true form, they would have to have a way to cloud it.

"I don't think mine was so much an enchantment as it was a... breaking?" Sounds a bit odd saying it out loud. "Plus it wasn't just a couple of memories; at the time it happened, it was, well, all. All of them." Take another sip of coffee & hold it in my hands. "Any of your kind have that kind of power?" I ask her, curious. Don't know that she'd tell me, but shouldn't hurt to ask. I wonder if she's ever had to do such a thing?

"I've gotten a lot of them back, over time,", I add, not wanting her to feel sorry for me or think I'm, I dunno, deficient. "Just not all...yet." Although at this rate...

[danashee]

I don't think mine was so much an enchantment as it was a... breaking? Plus it wasn't just a couple of memories; at the time it happened, it was, well, all. All of them.

Oh. That is a bit more than just a simple clouding of the mind.

She takes another sip of coffee then cradles it in her hands. Any of your kind have that kind of power? I nod. A few. a very few of us, that I can think of. The queen. Both queens, and some of their advisers. A few others, all of them ancient powers in their own right. I can't tell what she's thinking to ask me that. A chill runs up my spine at the thought of someone of that level of power taking enough interest in my little mage to do this to her.

"I've gotten a lot of them back, over time,Just not all...yet. She says sounding a bit anxious. I want to make her feel better. And to know more of what happened. To know what's changed.

"How long has this...recovery, been going on?"

[silence_excolo]

She only nods in response to my question, which is enough. I figured it was a possibility; I mean heck, there are gods walking the Earth as we speak, why not ancient Fae? Not like I want her to name names or anything. I doubt any of them had anything to do with... this.

I watch the coffee swirl in my cup for a bit. Dana seems to be thinking, but I gotta say her question catches me a little off guard. "Heh, a long while," I chuckle a bit as I set the cup down. "Maybe... let's just say I'm a lot older than I look. Like yourself, I'd wager? But not exactly the same..." I seem to remember time being quite different for her kind than for humans - they age, but at a far slower pace. Where as I haven't aged a day since I woke up, like I'm stuck, in stasis-

It is running from me, attempting to disguise, to obfuscate it's trail. Fool. I only need to smell the air to know where it has been. It is old, this Dead Thing, existing far beyond it's time, parasite of the Living. I will return it to it's place.

There.

It uses it's majick against me, but the Pattern is destroyed by a wave of my hand. I simply will it still and it is still.

I extend my right hand. Its heart is dead.

"You have existed past your time and have done not but evil to this world. I have judged you and found you unworthy. Prepare to receive your sentence."

And it screams, and it's flesh begins to bubble, as its vitae, its blood seeps from every pore, flying through the air into my hand. I shall take its power and use it as my own, and this world shall be better for it. It sings in my veins, thrums against my skin and I know I can do anything!

At some point the vampire has stopped screaming. I walk away, leaving nothing but ashes behind me-

I practically shove my knuckles into my mouth to keep from crying out. What the hell is happening? My pulse is racing, as if I- it was like I was back there, reliving it. I could feel the vampire die.

"Sorry," I mutter from behind my hand before I remember it's covering my mouth & move it. "Seems it- it's getting more intense, I think." Something about today must have triggered this, but what? What's so special about today?

[danashee]

I am glad that she can sound amused at my question, Heh, a long while,Maybe... let's just say I'm a lot older than I look. Like yourself, I'd wager? But not exactly the same... What does she mean? I know that mortals grow old swiftly if left to themselves, it is one of the biggest differences between us. That time leaves such marks on them. I suppose that her Power can ways to keep time from leaving its marks.

It is a good thing that she placed her cup back down on the table, as I can see that another rush of memory has occurred. This one seems to be a bad memory, as my little mage presses her hand forcefully to her mouth, her eyes wide and unseeing of anything here. My hand hovers near her unsure if I should touch.

But then she is back with me, muttering an apology before lowering her hand. I pull mine back and try not to look as worried as I am. My face is good at not showing my feelings but I was never so good at hiding what was in my eyes.

Seems it- it's getting more intense, I think. She observes. My eyes flicker over the room. More people are trickling in. I expect this place gets busy at common mealtimes. "Would you like to go somewhere with less people?" I ask. "I can tell the waitress that we'd like our orders to go."

[silence_excolo]

I'm really not sure about what to do at this point- things are almost swimming in my head, rushing, the noise getting too dense. I can hardly distinguish between it & the growing crowd in the cafe. So when Dana makes the suggestion we go elsewhere I'm nodding yes almost before she finishes.

I pay the waitress when she returns with our bags. "I need someplace quiet," I mutter, looking around at the little shops & such. "Maybe the river?" I offer. I feel... bad for her. Not like she needs to get pulled in to my crap, but there it is. Maybe... she's supposed to be here?

[danashee]

Silence seems grateful for my offer, accepting it almost before i have finished making it. I summon the waitress and soon we have exchanged Silence's money for our food and we leave.

I need someplace quiet,Maybe the river? my little mage says quietly as she looks about. I smile mas I agree. I was going to offer the privacy of my room but perhaps the river would be better.

"Alright, the river it is. I know of a pleasant place we can share our meal." And with a touch of glamour I can ensure our privacy from any wandering mortals. I take her arm to lead her there in case another rush of memory should trouble her balance on the way.

[silence_excolo]

She takes my arm & I have to stop myself from pulling away, especially when I see that sparkle. She's used her glamour on me? But I feel unaltered- ah, I get it. Just a cloak, is all. I relax & let her guide me; I think I can trust her.

We walk for a time, neither of us speaking. The noise in my head seems to lull, & I realize I can remember the names & faces of other cabal-mates I once knew. So strange to think I'd forgotten them for so long: Jade, who always had an argument for everything; Silhouette, the closest thing to a sister I'd ever known; Ember, who reminds me so much of Dana it's eerie.

No wait. That's the other way around.

We arrive at the river, a bit away from both town & Carnivale, & I sit on a patch of grass. I'm suddenly very tired, it seems. I don't know if it'll happen again, but it's taking a lot out of me.

"Thanks," is all I can think of to say. "Wish I could explain, but..."

[danashee]

At first I think she's going to pull away and waste my work but then she relaxes and we walk to the river without speaking. This stretch of river is nice enough, not too close to town.

Silence sinks to the ground as if tired. I try not to look worried as I settle beside her. Thanks, Wish I could explain, but... And I try to hide my small flinch at that word. She probably doesn't know that you do not thank the fae. I wave one hand airily to dismiss any obligations.

"It will be alright. We know enough of what is happening, explanation may come later when more is known." I reach for the bags of food. "Are you hungry?"

[silence_excolo]

"Yes, actually," as I reach out to accept the bag. "Starved." And I almost have to laugh at that. I could go without the food if I had to - did it before, during my travels, sometimes not eating much of anything for weeks at a time. I would get skinnier, sure, maybe a bit weaker, but I could always bounce back once I fed. I probably could starve to death, but how long would it take?

I never really... questioned it till now, the fact that I'm so long-lived. Guess I didn't know enough to till now. I unwrap the sandwich & bite into it. I'm pretty sure I'm not immortal. I'm also pretty sure my thoughts aren't usually so morbid.

"How long is it," I blurt out, mouth half full, "that you've been here, Dana?" Swallow the food down. "In the human world, that is." Maybe listening to her will keep my mind off of me for a while...

[danashee]

She says yes as she reaches eagerly for the bag with her food, and she looks amused and something else under it. Something a bit dark. I open mine only a bit slower. I too am hungry.

How long is it,that you've been here, Dana? She asks, not even finishing her mouthful of food, In the human world, that is. She qualifies her question. I pause with a fry half way to my mouth and give her a smile. This is my first trip here to the Iron World but I am not sure I should reveal that. Or that I should give her an entirely honest answer.

Instead I frown as if thinking and then say, "Perhaps a bit less than a full year, this time." And then I calmly eat the fry. I feel a little unhappy deceiving her and so I add, "It was winter when I arrived."