Inside of stillness, & silence I've never before seen/I had a nightmare of light that burned my eyes

[silence_excolo]

Tuesday, May 18 [Day 352]
About noon
Along the river by the bridge

For too long I've been... directionless. No, that's not the right word. Letting Fate take the reins, I've had direction, but... but I've not really chosen, just followed the pull, never knowing why. Just going, knowing I'll eventually learn, eventually be needed. Part of me knows, just

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[silence_excolo]

I toss a pebble into the river as my stomach gives a rumble. Look back to the Carnivale, but find I'm not really wanting to eat in the mess hall today. It's a nice enough day & my work's done, so maybe I'll spend some time in town. I could do with a walk to clear my head-

"Look, you got a lot on your mind-"
"That's not the point & you know it!"
"Sheesh, no need to bite my head of, Silence-"
"We're wasting time. The longer we deliberate, the more he..."

His hand on my shoulder. I can barely look at him.

"We've got to get him back. Whatever it takes."

He squeezes my shoulder-

My hand is gripping the rail of the bridge. Wasn't expecting that. What was that, exactly?

Shake it off & continue across the bridge towards the Tavern. Maybe I'll stop in there, see if Verdi's around. As I turn on Silk, though, there's something in the distance catches my eye - flash of red-gold, like sunlight - & I'm drawn to it almost before I realize. Dana. Stop in my tracks before I get too close, but- Haven't seen her in person, at least, in some time. I get the feeling... maybe she'd like the company? Maybe I would to.

[danashee]

I feel someone behind me and I turn, smiling, as I think I might know who it is. And yes! A very pleasant coincidence.

"A pleasant surprise this is, how fare you this day?"

[silence_excolo]

She turns, smiling, as if she knew I was there. I find I'm smiling back a little.

"I'm- ok. How you been?" She looks good, although I know it's most likely a glamour. I wonder if what I saw in the dream was closer to her true appearance?

Not gonna think about her arms holding me while on horseback. I rub the back of my neck.

"Was gonna grab some lunch. Um, wanna join me?"

[danashee]

Silence is smiling as well, just a little smile, but it is enough. Her words come in the short abrupt way I remember, I'm- ok. How you been?

"I have been well." I watch her rub the back of her neck, and wonder what it would feel like to touch her skin. Was gonna grab some lunch. Um, wanna join me?

I feel my smile widen. "I would like that." Very much. "Have you been to the Miskatonic cafe before?" I ask, It is not at all like the Summerlands but its strangeness is a little like faerie and so it is comforting.

[silence_excolo]

She smiles & accepts my offer, which now that I think of it, was kinda... odd for me to make. I guess. But hey, it's a nice day, why spend it alone?

"I have been there," I answer, nodding. "They've got great fries-"

"It's a wonder you never gain weight, the way you eat!" She's laughing. I just shove another fry in my mouth & shrug. But I smile. I'm just glad she's laughing again.

"Hey, seriously tho, I'm glad you called. I been wanting to show ya somethin'."

"Mar, you don't have-"

"No, it's- it's not another gift, I swear!" She holds her hands up, waving as if to dismiss the thought. The scar is still visible, raised against her wrist. "It's just... well, I've starting painting again," she says, a bit quieter than before.

"Marion, that's great!" I say, swallowing the food down. "I'd be happy to see it."

"Well, I hope so... cuz it's kinda... you."

I blink hard a few times & look around. Marion? No, it's Dana. We were walking towards the Miskatonic... but what a strange thing to remember... Dana's looking at me expectantly.

"I'm sorry... were you...?" I just trail off. What's with me today?

[danashee]

She nods and tells me she has. She's in the middle of telling me what she likes about it, starting with their fries but then she stops speaking and her eyes get a faraway look as if she's not longer seeing me. I cannot feel any Power nearby beyond what is always present so I do not think it is that. And I do not think she'd be rude enough to be looking through my glamour.

And so I wait for her to come back to me, from whatever it is. She blinks and is once again present. I conceal my relief and smooth away my frown, only showing an expectant look hoping that she will tell me something of what just happened. But instead she apologizes, I'm sorry... were you...?

I raise one eyebrow at her, "I was not offended, but I am curious."

[silence_excolo]

Offended? Why would she think- but curious.

"Oh, er- n-nothing. Just lost in a thought." You mean a memory. Why lie about it? "Thought you had said something," I finish lamely, turning towards the diner & motioning for her to follow. It's nothing she needs to be bothered with, after all. Right?

It's bothering me, though.

We get in & take a table in the corner. The place is only moderately busy, seeing as the main lunch rush has mostly left. I order a coffee & wait for the waitress to take Dana's order & leave before saying anything else. "So you've decided to stay in Excolo, then?" I wonder for how long. Could be that Fae child from the dream was a real child from somewhere around here?

[danashee]

She's nervous, Oh, er- n-nothing. Just lost in a thought. Thought you had said something, I gently shake my head wondering what is making her nervous. I hope it's not me, she seemed glad to see me earlier. Is she having second thoughts about sharing a meal with me? But we are going to s public house to eat so the food will not be from faerie and thus cannot harm her.

She obviously doesn't wish to discuss whatever it was as she turns towards the cafe and motions me to follow her. I am glad to see there are some people but it is by no means full. We take a nice little table in the corner. Silence orders coffee and I order a tea. The waitress leaves and Silence says, So you've decided to stay in Excolo, then?

Did I? Did I actually make a decision or did it just occur? Of course now that I've found Feidelma's daughter, I can't leave. It would worry me more if there was any evidence of someone coming after me. At first I worried about it constantly, but as winter faded into spring with no evidence that I've been missed and sought after...It makes for a different sort of thought. to wonder if it's been noticed, or have they all turned away and forgotten me?

I make myself smile at Silence, "Yes, for the next while anyways. Probably only til I get bored." I shrug. "Or something calls me home." or someone. If Feidelma is alright she knows where I was planning to go, she could call for me and I'd come. Sometimes I want to go home very much.

"And you, Silence? Have you decided to stay here also?"

[silence_excolo]

She thinks for a bit before answering my question, & there's a flicker of something behind her eyes before she smiles it away. "Yes, for the next while anyways. Probably only til I get bored. Or something calls me home," she adds with a shrug. I watch her over the top of the menu while she talks. Chooses her words carefully, trying so hard not to reveal... loneliness, perhaps? After all, she's cut off from those like her, for whatever reason. "Who would call for you? Your sister, like... from the dream?" And I suppose that's as good a segue as any.

"And you, Silence? Have you decided to stay here also?"

And I have to chuckle at that a bit. "Sorta," I say, as the waitress returns with our drinks. "I mean, I don't think I'm leaving any time soon, but I guess it depends on the Carnivale." Or perhaps it doesn't. I know there's more to it than that. Just don't know what. "In any case, looks like yah, I'm her for a while longer." Take a sip of my coffee & nod towards the menu. "You know what you want yet? My treat."

Suppose I just don't want her using too much more of that glamoured coin, but other than that- I don't know why I offered. Guess I owe her from the muffin, so...

[danashee]

She's watching me over the top of her menu, like some shy creature. Or a sly courtier with a fan. Which causes me to wonder what she'd look like dressed as one. I think she would look splendid. Especially dressed in dark colours. Her questions startles me, Who would call for you? Your sister, like... from the dream?

My sister...My sister is gone. She will never return. If she could, I'm sure Hell would change her so she would not be the same shining figure that went willingly all alone to pay our ancient debt. Once a upon a time she would have had companions, seven youth and six other maidens.

Oh. She means Feidelma I suppose. I drop my eyes and study my own menu even though I have already made up my mind about what I want to eat. "Possibly. Though if my queen had need of me I would also heed that call." As one of the youngest ladies of her court I doubt that Titania would have any need that only I could fulfill better than any of her many courtiers most of whom are centuries older than I.

Her answer to my question comes along with the waitress. Our drinks are served as I listen. Sorta, I mean, I don't think I'm leaving any time soon, but I guess it depends on the Carnivale. In any case, looks like yah, I'm her for a while longer. I look up with interest as she sips her coffee.

So my little mage is part of that is she? such a fascinating thing the Carnivale. I think I shall have to visit sometime. And then she nods at the menu and offers, You know what you want yet? My treat.

I smile at her, "It gladdens me to know that there shall be more opportunities for us to meet." I sip my tea wondering if maybe I should have ordered coffee instead for it smells wonderful, and perhaps it like Valmont's cigarettes, is also an acquired taste. "Yes, I know what I'd like. and it is most generous of you."

[silence_excolo]

She looks at her menu before answering, but I could swear I saw it again, that flicker of something. And somewhere inside of me I- I almost feel a sense of loss. Like when I lost Krystopher, that kind of loss. But she hides it again, talking of her queen & I'm not sure if I'm just reading in to things or what.

She smiles, though, when I mention staying. "It gladdens me to know that there shall be more opportunities for us to meet." Makes me smile some. Can't say there's a lot of people who'd feel that way about me, I guess. She takes me up on the offer of a free lunch & I let her order first. I gotta remember, as human as she may seem, she's not - don't wanna accidentally offend her by going first-

"I'm not offended! I'm pissed off!!"

"But Sil, I didn't know-"

"NO! Don't give me that bullshit!" I'm pacing, I'm so angry. How could he?! "Maybe at first you- but then you just- you went- you went along & you dragged me with you!!"

The slap takes him by surprise, but he takes it. That just pisses me off more. I want a reaction, anything but this pity-party he's throwing. "Blood, Horus," the words his between my teeth, "you fed me vampire's blood. And you thought I'd be okay with this?!"

I choke a bit on my coffee & end up coughing. I grab my napkin to cover my mouth & man, but my face feels hot. My eyes well up, tears threatening to fall. It was him. Oh gods, it was him.

The waitress is waiting. "Ah, sorry. A Reuben & fries, please." Cough a little to make a show of choking. She makes a friendly comment about not breathing the coffee & I just nod as she leaves. The shock & anger sit in my chest, though, & I'm not sure I can look Dana in the eye without her knowing.

[danashee]

Silence is smiling back at me and and I'm still smiling as I give my order to the waitress. I'm expecting her to order and then we can talk freely once the waitress goes away, but instead her eyes lose focus and she chokes on her drink. I lean forwards in concern, as the mage grabs the napkin to cover her face.

The remarks that good as it is one should not breathe coffee, and Silence assures apologizes and gives her order. Her face is flushed and she's not looking at me or at anything in particular. I'm sure that something is wrong. I would like her to tell me, because I want to help. I want to see her smile at me again. So I borrow something I have heard the mortals ask each other. "Are you okay?"

[silence_excolo]

I stare out the window a bit, trying to sort through- whatever the crap is going on with me. My head is muddled, like I can't focus. Too much noise.

"Are you okay?"

Dana. What do I say this time? Another lie? "Uhm, maybe." Maybe? "I mean yah, just-" put the napkin down & turn back towards her. "Sometimes I get a little... lost, I guess. In my head." Well, if that doesn't sound crazy, I don't know what does. "It's not something I usually talk about." It's also not usually this... intense. What's going on, & why now?

[danashee]

Her answer is all chopped up into small parts, Uhm, maybe.I mean yah, just- She puts the napkin back down and turns to face me. Sometimes I get a little... lost, I guess. In my head. she tells me, clearly uncomfortable with saying so. It's not something I usually talk about.

I consider what she has told me. Getting lost inside her head she says, and the way her eyes stop seeing what is before her. I didn't feel any Power focused on her or coming from her during those two times so it's clearly not an enchantment or charm. Though perhaps the opposite. Perhaps this is the lifting of one.

I lower my voice so that there is no danger of being overheard as I ask,"Are you getting lost in memories that seem new to you or old and familiar?"

[silence_excolo]

She takes a moment, digesting what I've said, I guess, while looking me over. Not sure I like the scrutiny, but at least she's not laughing. She then leans in a bit & asks quietly, "Are you getting lost in memories that seem new to you or old and familiar?"

Now I'm the one doing the scrutinizing. My mouth is hanging open, but I can't think of how to respond. There was no sparkle & I don't think Fae kind have power to see into the mind, but still.

"H-how..." take a quick swig of coffee, as my mouth's gone dry. "Yes. To both. How did you know?"

[danashee]

She stares at me her mouth open. Ah! so it is something to do with her memories.

H-how...Yes. To both. How did you know? And she hastily drinks some of her coffee. I can't stop the little smile that comes as she answers my question. But I can't bring myself to keep this from her, "It was a lucky guess."

"Some among my people are skilled in clouding minds, and memories in particular. When the enchantment breaks or wears off, the memories rush back."