I will take my place, In the great below.....
(Wednesday, January 13th, midday)
(The Pontalier Bridge)
Woke screaming again. I couldn't remember the dream. I didn't want to.
Laid in bed and stared at the walls, trying not to think, unable to stop doing just that.
Why me? Why did he not ask? I have given him anything else he asked for... why not this?
What does this child mean? What have we created???
I can't do this. Not alone. And alone is what he left me. Alone to discover this, alone to suffer through the pregnancy, and alone to raise it, I would imagine. If I even survive the birth. Oh god, I CAN'T do this!!!
Got out of bed and dressed. Black jeans, black sweater, heavy black heeled boots. Slipped my engagement ring on to rest against my wedding ring. Pretty, pretty props in a play, and the actress is about to make her exit.
I put on my leather trench coat and leave the house, walking with purpose. Walk like I am on a errand, that I am going to one of the outlying farms to see a friend, like it is just another day in Excolo and I am walking along quickly to keep warm. I thank the heavens as I reach my destination and see there is no one in the streets, no one at this end of town. Good, that's good. No one to try and talk me out of it.
I take a deep breath and swing myself up to stand on the rail of the Pontalier Bridge. I look down in to the dark, swirling, fast moving water. It is sure to be freezing, and my coat will help to drag me down, it won;t take long, won't take long at all, and I am so sorry little one, I know, I know you don't want me to do this, but there is a lovely garden on the other side, and we can share it, stay there together in the peaceful twilight and just forget-------
_________________________________________________________________________________________
What?
Where the fuck am I???
I look about and teeter on my heels, realizing I am not only on a bridge, but standing on the fucking rail and about to go headfirst in. I curse loudly and jump down, backing away from the ledge.
What the fuck was I doing up there???
Where the fuck am I???
Ohgod
WHO the fuck am I?
(Closed)
(The Pontalier Bridge)
Woke screaming again. I couldn't remember the dream. I didn't want to.
Laid in bed and stared at the walls, trying not to think, unable to stop doing just that.
Why me? Why did he not ask? I have given him anything else he asked for... why not this?
What does this child mean? What have we created???
I can't do this. Not alone. And alone is what he left me. Alone to discover this, alone to suffer through the pregnancy, and alone to raise it, I would imagine. If I even survive the birth. Oh god, I CAN'T do this!!!
Got out of bed and dressed. Black jeans, black sweater, heavy black heeled boots. Slipped my engagement ring on to rest against my wedding ring. Pretty, pretty props in a play, and the actress is about to make her exit.
I put on my leather trench coat and leave the house, walking with purpose. Walk like I am on a errand, that I am going to one of the outlying farms to see a friend, like it is just another day in Excolo and I am walking along quickly to keep warm. I thank the heavens as I reach my destination and see there is no one in the streets, no one at this end of town. Good, that's good. No one to try and talk me out of it.
I take a deep breath and swing myself up to stand on the rail of the Pontalier Bridge. I look down in to the dark, swirling, fast moving water. It is sure to be freezing, and my coat will help to drag me down, it won;t take long, won't take long at all, and I am so sorry little one, I know, I know you don't want me to do this, but there is a lovely garden on the other side, and we can share it, stay there together in the peaceful twilight and just forget-------
_________________________________________________________________________________________
What?
Where the fuck am I???
I look about and teeter on my heels, realizing I am not only on a bridge, but standing on the fucking rail and about to go headfirst in. I curse loudly and jump down, backing away from the ledge.
What the fuck was I doing up there???
Where the fuck am I???
Ohgod
WHO the fuck am I?
(Closed)